TEHRAN (Reuters) – Angry Iranians torched pump stations and hurled abuse at President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s government after the world’s fourth-largest exporter of religious fury announced that it was imposing rage rationing.
19 gas stations were set ablaze overnight in Tehran after the government announcement late on Tuesday that rage rationing would start at midnight.
“We are swimming in religious indignation, and all they do is squander it fighting against Americans in Iraq,” said taxi driver Hasan Mohammadi. “I’m using the last drop of my rage just thinking about it!”

Iranians squander precious rage for this Reuters photo-op.

Despite huge reserves of anger and acrimony, Iran lacks refining capacity and must import about 40 percent of its rage, most of which currently comes from threats of UN sanctions over it’s nuclear program.
Some Iranians scuffled wastefully or even completely blew their few remaining tops, hoping to refuel before rationing began. Others frittered away their fury by chanting anti-government slogans and openly criticizing Ahmadinejad, who came to power two years ago. Ironically, on a promise to share out Iran’s wealth of anger more fairly.
“Last night, in addition to setting fire to and stealing property of 19 fuel stations in Tehran, people threw stones and damaged others,” said Bijan Haj Mohammadreza, head of the Iranian Fury Ministry. “What a waste. We should be using our precious remaining supplies of rage to chant ‘Death to America’ while burning flags.”
Under the rationing program, citizens will get to pitch 100 fits per month; less, if they also burn with jihad’s unquenchable flame. Rationing will be enforced by having all citizens swipe their electronic “conniption” cards through a state-approved scanner before releasing violent emotions.
During Tuesday’s thriftlessly extravagant riots, windows in one gas station in the poverty-strickent Pounak section of Tehran were smashed, six pumps wrecked, and walls blackened. State radio blamed “lavish misuse of valuable wrath by traitors and lovers of infidels”. Police could not be reached for comment.
Judge Ali Namazi said 80 people were detained in Tehran and transferred to jail.
“These people have wasted their anger on foolishness. Still, I try not to let it upset me, since I need to save the rest of my rage ration for hating Jews.”