John Hawkins keeps scooping everybody by giving a report on exactly what’s going on behind the scenes to bring back the immigration bill. Harry Reid just won’t rest until America’s borders are destroyed. I admire his conviction.
But why are some Republicans pushing for this bill when all it will do is make everyone hate them? Is it a cry for help? Have they been checked for depression? These are the questions the MSM just won’t ask.

The GOP are trying to make it illegal for the House Speaker to visit a terrorist state, and they’ve done it all without taking into consideration Nancy Pelosi’s vacation plans. Now how can she undermine America is the eyes of terrorists? Is she going to have to invite the terrorists over to her house? Last time she did that, one of them ran off with one of her grandkids. She has a lot of grandkids, so it’s not that big a deal, but, still, she’d rather not have the terrorists over.

An MSNBC study found that journalists’ political donations are 9 to 1 to Democrats and liberals. Journalists responded by vowing to hunt down that 1. Actually, there’s this whole website Media Matters devoted to finding and destroying the insidious bias of that 1.
What I wonder about are the liberals who insist that the media isn’t liberal despite all the evidence. There are even some who argue it’s biased towards conservatives. That’s pretty much like arguing the sun is cold.
LIBERAL: I hate the sun! It’s so cold!
NORMAL PERSON: Um… the sun is hot.
LIBERAL: Really? Then give me one example of the sun being hot!
NORMAL PERSON: It’s always hot. Right now, as we’re speaking, the sun is hitting us with its heat.
LIBERAL: It’s not hot; it’s corporate biased… and it’s cold!
Liberals are so stupid. Sometimes I want to burn them with fire — which is hot. Before anyone misconstrues my point, I’m not saying that liberals should be burned with fire, I’m just saying that I find it entertaining when pain is inflicted upon them.

Via Iowahawk, private eye Dan Rather is back to sleuth the blogoshphere underground in search of CBS news’s missing viewers. Plus, there’s a link to me in there somewhere, so that makes this one extra good.

Michael Moore’s new documentary, Sicko, is a brilliantly executed film work that approaches a difficult subject with an open mind, and delivers its facts with a surprising evenhandedness and absence of bias.
Fine. I lied. If he can do it, so can I.
Still, I have to admit that watching Sicko was an eye-opening experience. Here’s just a few of the amazing things I learned:

• British hospitals not only offer free medical treatment, but also free argument clinics and free being-hit-on-the-head lessons.
• There is an acute shortage of human blood in US hospitals, because federal regulations require hospital administrators to drink it in celebration after every denial of treatment to the uninsured.
• Cuba has the best health care system in the world, since it provides a skilled physician from Spain to examine every Cuban President in the country.
• Unlike in America, you’ll never see a long line of desperately ill people waiting at a health clinic, since in Britain it’s called a “queue”.
• Most pharmaceutical companies recycle by making their drugs out of people who died because they couldn’t afford to buy the drugs.
• 50 million Americans are uninsured and are at severe risk of paying money in exchange for products and services.
• American health insurance premiums are determined by using a complex array of morbidity & mortality charts, combined with 20-sided dice-throws from a basement full of D&D nerds.
• Britain’s health care system is modelled on Canada’s. Their dental care system – Alabama’s.
• The French not only provide free health care, they also provide free nannies for recovering patients with children. Still working on air conditioners for the elderly though.
• The ultimate proof of the superiority of Canada’s health care system? Hospital gowns that completely cover your ass.
• The health care system in place at the Guantanamo detention facility is closer to France’s system than America’s, since it’s full of angry, unassimilated Muslims.
• In order to get decent health care in the US, you first must get abused by a cynical, unshaven doctor with a limp and a Vicodin addiction.
• Unlike in America, a French hospital does not have to charge fifty dollars for a couple of lousy Tylenol, since their currency is the Euro.

The other thing I learned is that listening to Michael Moore discuss the importance of good health care is like listening to Ted Kennedy discuss the importance of sobriety.

With all the radical Muslims killing each other on the Gaza Strip, has any of them stopped to ask, “Why do we hate us?”

Just hours after announcing his dedication to the American and Ferengi people, NY Mayor MIchael Bloomberg announced he is once again switching politcal parties.
“I felt that the best way to show my dedication to the people was to commit to a group that best represents America. That’s why today my new political party is SMURF.”
Critics agree that this latest political strategy could reap dividends. Said one political scientist, “I feel that this decision is just smurfy.”
Mayor Bloomberg emphasized that he is NOT going to be running for president. “I’m not runnng for President. That’s not what I’m about. For those who want to know what I’m about, I recommend you visit my website at bloombergforpresident2008.com.”
He also announced the choosing of a new Bloomberg Theme Song: Goodness Makes the Badness Go Away.

Stunning the political world yet again, once Democrat, turned Republican, turned Independant Mayor Bloomberg made a shocking announcement.
“I discovered that there might be a just a bit of competition if I decided to run for President one day as an Independant. So I converted to a party that, hopefully, will offer less competition: The Ferengis.”
Political analysts are undecided on the impact of such a bold decision. Says one expert, who refused to be named in case anyone is actually reading this, “It could really change the shape of a Clinton-Thompson election. On the one hand, people who want to vote for actors might lean a bit more towards Fred Thompson. Whereas, the Ferengi party might draw some votes away from cold, conniving people obssesed with money, money, money. We’d have to see who Hillary might choose as her Vice President.”
Mayor Bloomberg insists this is a calculated decision arrived at after much thought and introspection. “I want people to know that I’m not seeking the easy way on anything. Also, while pondering my next career move, I certainly did not consult my Magic 8 Ball Star Trek Edition.”
We will have more news on this as it develops.

Mary Katharine (Suparstar!) Ham is going to be on O’Reilly tonight talking about internet stuff including the National Lampoon’s 72 Virgins trailer:

Wouldn’t that be a fun controversy if that film actually got made?
UPDATE:
Video of Ham’s appearance is at Hot Air. Looks like it could possibly be a weekly thing.

Continue reading ‘Joke Of the Month’ »