Al Qaeda second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahiri says the group is reparing a “precise response” to Britain’s decision to bestow a knighthood on author Salman Rushdie.
Unfortunately, he neglected to say what Al Qaeda’s response might actually be, which means we’ll have to settle for wild speculation:
- Posting “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” spoilers.
- Naming all their goats “Elizabeth”.
- A ceaseless campaign of stealing cars and parking them in tow-away zones.
- Infecting Britain’s water supply with Mad Crumpet Disease.
- Refusing to address Sir Paul McCartney as anything other than “the Ivory guy from that one Stevie Wonder song“.
- Calling Prime Minister Gordon Brown up every day and asking if Hugh Jass is there.
- Flushing “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” DVDs down the toilet.
- Waiting until Prince Charles is asleep and then putting his hand in a bowl of warm water.
- Making another James Bond movie with Timothy Dalton.
- Organizing a Spice Girls Reunion tour.
- Leaving duffle bags in the London Underground containing open copies of “The Big Book of British Smiles“.
- Continuing to savagely attack the tendons of Glasgow cabbies with their balls.
British citizens are being advised to wear steel-toed boots at all times as a precaution.
Not even Al Qaeda would go so far to make another Bond movie with Timothy Dalton. That would be cause for a nuclear response.
And why is Ayman al-Zawahiri not captured or dead nearly six years after the worst terrorist attack on the USA? Because the Bush administration totally sucks at fighting terror that is why. What a joke this administration has made of our country. They have made it look like a tiny group of terrorists playing on monkeybars and living in caves can commit a massive terrorist attack on the USA and get away with it and then continue to make tapes and threats for years afterwards. Bush and Cheney will apparently never bring the head terrorists Osama Bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri to justice. They suck and anyone who supports them supports incompetence, stupidity and a lack of results. What happened to never forget 9-11? Apparently a bunch of you forgot and don’t give a crap about bringing the people who did it justice. If you actually gave a crap you wouldn’t have been giving Bush and Cheney’s incompetence a free pass for the past five years. And you wouldn’t support Fred Thompson and Guiliani — two idiots who claim this administration is doing a good job. Six years later and the top two terrorists behind 9/11 are not dead or in jail? That’s pathetic.
1) winnie + piglet taken hostage. (chants of “pig unclean” heard everywhere).
2) Becks comes to the U.S. to play football (soccer). Oh bother, he’s here already.
In response to doctors trying to blow stuff up, Dr. Who is taken in for question time. (along with james hetfield, and Ozzy while Mi5 is at it.).
bid all peace love and understanding
they’ll post lengthy screeds under clever user names on humor sites.
They’ll send Cindy Sheehan DVDs of Rogers and Hammerstein musicals with subliminal messages that suggest she run against Nancy Pants in the next election.
They will…warm the globe!
Sarcasm Man is right!
How inept is the Bush administration for not capturing or killing those terrorists after six years.
It’s not as if somebody is trying to keep him from winning the WOT. After all, nobody is stopping him from tapping the phones of known terrorists by claiming he’s spying on American citizens, or preventing our military from getting information from enemy combatants, calling such techniques torture, or even insisting that if an enemy combatant doesn’t have ‘I (heart) Osama’ tattooed on their chest, we’re detaining them illegally.
I mean, it’s got to be just plain incompetence.
I defy anyone to sit through “A View To A Kill” and tell me Timothy Dalton wasn’t a welcome change from that pushing 60 mincing hairdresser Roger Moore. At least you don’t wince when Dalton makes out with a broad. And don’t even get me started on that skinny fag Pierce Brosnan, whom I’ve dealt with personally and never miss a chance to badmouth because he’s a hissy-fit throwing until it’s on the house, incredibly cheap douchebag…
“Continuing to savagely attack the tendons of Glasgow cabbies with their balls.”
Clearly, they were instructed by the evil martial artist Wimp Lo from Kung Pow- Enter the Fist!
[Chosen One kicks Wimp-Lo in the face. Wimp-Lo does a pose]
Wimp Lo: Ha! Face to foot style, how do you like it?
Chosen One: I’m sure on some planet your style is impressive, but your weak link is: this is Earth.
Wimp Lo: Oh yeah? Then try my nuts to your fist style!
I’m always excited when another “It’s all Bush’s fault” post is made. That means that there is plenty of bomb fodder still available for when their friends the Mullah’s of Peace send bombers here.
Be sure to attend the rallies supporting an end to the war. Make sure you support the cowards in Congress who can’t seem to understand “Death to the infidels” means death to all of us who live in this country and aren’t members of their little clique. Please be first in line during the takeover. I’m sure they’ll be gentle, their swords will be sharp.
I had not seen that “Glasgow cabbies” article before this morning. You made me laugh loud enough to get odd looks from adjacent cubes. Nice.
“”* Naming all their goats “Elizabeth”.””
I am sorry Frank that is definately incorrect…It would have to be Charles or Andrew.
They wouldn’t be able to perform with someone bearing a female name.
Cool! I got called Frank!
Wait… that’s not your goat’s name, is it?