“Heh heh. I do kinda look like a chimp. I wonder if this guy just thought of that; it’s pretty clever.” President Bush closed his laptop and looked up at the attractive woman who had just entered the Oval Office. “Did you know some people make fun of me on the internet? And who are you? Did I order a stripper?”
“I’m Dana Perino, your new White House Press Secretary.”
Bush shrugged.

“I previously subbed for Tony Snow when he was getting cancer treatment. I’ve been the Director of Communications for the White House Council on Environmental Quality.”
“I’ve never even heard of that. Did you bring your own music or do I need to supply that.”
“I’m not a stripper! I was hoping to talk to you about strategies with the press.”
“Oh… well… ya know, I do crazy stuff and you just need to come up with some sort of explanation for my actions that makes me look good. It’s usually no use to talk to me first, ’cause I usually don’t remember why I do anything. Like the whole amnesty mess… I think that’s because I got Central America confused with the United States of America. Ends up they’re completely different… except that both of them have lots of Mexicans.”
She smiled nervously. “Tony explained to me this would be a challenging job, but I’m ready for it.”
“So you thinking you’ll like it? I’m considering getting a new job myself. I don’t think this whole ‘being president’ thing is working out; I really don’t see a future with it. I believe I’m in a binding contract, though, so I’m going to have to try and get myself fired.”
“Um… are you serious?”
“As I explained to Tony multiple times, I’m always serious; I lack the intelligence for sarcasm. Anyway, this is a fun job; I think you’re going to like it. This attractive woman press secretary idea is great. All the reporters will be like, ‘Maybe if we believe everything she says, she’ll like us.’ Of course, you won’t like them; I’ve met all those reporters, and you will end up despising each and everyone of them… but don’t let them know that. Also, I guess a nursing home nearby has bad security because this one crazy old lady comes to all the press conferences.”
“Helen Thomas?”
“Yeah. If you get near her, she bites… which is bad news because she always sits in the front row.”
“Sir, what I needed to talk to you about is the disappearance of MoveOn.org’s leadership. Apparently, there is some compelling evidence that some of your people are involved.”
Bush chuckled. “Oh, yeah; funny story: Those MoveOn.org guys are a bunch of douches, so I thought it would be a great joke to sign an order declaring them traitors and calling for their execution. You know I don’t actually have the power to execute American citizens, right?”
“Of course.”
“Well, the guy I gave the order to apparently didn’t know that. The MoveOn turds we’re all like, ‘Don’t shoot me, bro!’ and…” Bush started laughing. “Anyway, they’re pretty dead now, so you can tell the press to stop looking for them. I forget where their bodies are buried, but it’s going to be a parking lot soon. I hope that helps.”
Dana stared at him in shock.
“I guess they ‘Moved On’ to the afterlife.” Bush laughed, but saw that Dana was still looking at him in disbelief. “I guess you had to have been there.”