What exactly is Iowa? All I know is that they grow corn and get undue influence on presidential primaries.
That’s a load of crap.
Still, these “Iowans” better take their responsibility seriously. A lot of whether Fred Thompson will be president rests on their votes, and they better not screw that up.
Otherwise, I vow to destroy Iowa.
That’s right, weirdos: You screw things up for America, I’m coming after you. I will poison your corn and… um… destroy whatever else there is to destroy in Iowa. I will make it my life’s mission to annihilate your state. You may laugh that off because no one has ever destroyed a state before, but that’s only because someone like me has never attempted it. When I’m done, there will just be a big black hole… um… wherever it is on the map that Iowa is (they really neglected geography in public school).
Yeah, I may not know where Iowa is right now, but I’m just one Google away from heading right over there. You don’t want that.
Vote for Fred Thompson.
West on I-80 out of Chicago; drive until you are falling asleep at the wheel, you will be in Iowa. Just two warnings:
1. It is about twice the size of Maryland, so if you nap too long, you might find yourself nuking eastern Nebraska(an easy enough mistake to make)
2. This is where Steven King was talking about in Children Of The Corn, so STAY OUT OF THE CORNFIELDS!
There’s a Dean Scream joke in here somewhere.
What exactly is Iowa?
Don’t you read your own site??
Geez.
This is an empty threat. Frank can’t possibly destroy Iowa, because Fred will have done it first.
There is a reason that it stands for “I Owe the World an Apology.”
Locally (in Illinois), it stand for Idiots Out Wandering Around. Although the people I know from Iowa are brillant and sarcastic, making them perhaps IMAOians Out Wandering Around.
I went to a wedding there once, and the maid of honor’s toast to the bride (her sister) was far better than anything I’ve seen on Comedy Central in 10 years.
Iowa is nirvana: The state of perfect nothingness.
I’ve not been in a happy mood . . . your post made me smile. 🙂
If they screw this up, they’ll have to change the spelling from IOWA to just OW.
Why is it always windy in Illinois?
Because IOWA blows and Indiana sucks.
Why do people live in Iowa?
They don’t know they can leave.
Iowa, the land that gave us the tard that declared his candidacy for President THE DAY AFTER THE 2006 ELECTION. And then later became the first QUITTER in the Presidential Election. (Tom Vilsack)
Iowa-A state that keeps re-electing Tom Harkin to the Senate even though he doesn’t even live in the state.
Be nice to Iowa, Frank. I plan on moving there reasonably soon.
Iowa also has more pigs than any other state.
I thought it was the delegates at the Republican convention — from all 50 states — who determine the nominee?
So now I guess you’ll have to nuke the entire country, in addition to the moon. Or just let Fred! do it with one focused, laser-like stare.
As a nefarious Iowan, I will determine the candidates you may vote for, and you’ll like it.
MUAHAHAHA…argh…(coughing fit)…yeah.
But my Christmas vacation was already scheduled before “they” moved up the caucus date, so my vote for teh Fred will go uncast while we’re in Albuquerque. Seriously, who wants to think about politics on January 3rd?
Well, I’ve heard that Iowa has a ‘disconnect with the rest of American voters’ so I guess that means its an island somewhere.
We’ve destroyed islands before, so it should be no problem.
But like Andrew said, Freds gonna take care of it first.
If Fred loses Iowa, it’s spelling will be changed to “IO” because Fred’s supporters in “WA” will withdraw permission to refer to that state.
I think you might want to double check your facts Frank Fred very well may have destroyed a few states in the past but because he is Fred he destroyed all memory of them and references in history books. I recommend wondering the edges of the country looking for waste land that could be the after affects of the wrath of Fred, I would look to Canada and Mexico first if i were you I hear they might fit the bill.
As a Nebraska native I can assure you that nobody here would miss Iowa. I do have an Aunt and Uncle that live there, but only because he’s a genetic engineer that works on corn and Iowa has a lot of corn. Driving there last summer was the worst experience of my life. Coming in we drove 60, leaving I caught a nice train of people trying to get the hell out of Iowa going 90.
I’m with ya, Frank. I hope the IA voters @ least have Fred 2nd – though 1st would be better… they do have very nice Deer in IA.
I’m an Iowan, born and bred…and got the hell out of there! It’s the land of tall corn and wide women… Could you grant clemency to Iowa City? I am still a Hawkeye fan having attended the U!
No wonder you left Iowa if you think Iowa City should be spared.
I’m a native Iowan currently at Iowa City, and that’s the one place in the state that I wouldn’t mind seeing wiped off the map. Otherwise, I love the state.
I’m with ya. And after we do Iowa we’ll head on over to NH.
Thanks for the threat, Frank. That should pretty much do it for Fred!