Archive of entries posted on October 2009

Random Thoughts

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Interestingly, FOX News’s question for Gibbs after Jake Tapper was, “Why are you so fat and ugly?”

So has the Obama administration given an official opinion on the show Red Eye yet?

It would be funny if FOX News responded to the White House by putting Greg Gutfeld and Andy Levy on as regular anchors during the day.

“FOX News: Not news… just awesome.”

I hear they’re going to do a sequel to Enemy of the State with Glenn Beck replacing Will Smith as the lead.

Swine flu is pretty bad, but at least it’s not swine gonorrhea.

If Fred Thompson says you’ll like something I wrote, that means if you read it and don’t like it, you instantly die.

Fred Thompson Is Not Supporting the Republican in New York?

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I don’t know if you’ve been following the race in District 23 in New York, but many conservatives have lined up with a third-party candidate (Doug Hoffman) because the Republican nominee is just that unpalatable (Gingrich is still sticking behind her for unfathomable reasons, though). Fred Thompson explains from his radio show today:

[audio:http://www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/102009ny23.mp3]

You know as they say: “You can call yourself a Republican, but if you’ve lost the support of Fred Thompson, you are an unholy thing that will be destroyed by a rain of fire.”

Lightning Round 10-19-09

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The illustrated version of The Lightning Round from the 10-19-09 Fred Thompson Show:


[YouTube direct link]

By the way, I could use some feedback.

I know that some of the more “cluttered” pictures I use aren’t up long enough to be completely digested. They’re kind of a blur, and details get missed. Does this subtract from the experience, or is it just part of the “zippy stream-of-consciousness fun”?

As the creator, I’m too familiar with the images to have a true feel for how they hit a first-time viewer.

Is FOX News Biased?

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The Obama administration has been attacking FOX News a lot lately. It’s easy to dismiss that as the Obama administration being a bunch of whiny little sissies, but do they have a point? I’ve been looking at some of the recent FOX News headlines — and these are from their supposedly objective news side — and they do seem to be pushing an agenda:

RECENT FOX NEWS HEADLINES

* “Obama’s Plans to Kill White People”

* “Can Being a Democrat Make Your Children Gay?”

* “Is Michelle Obama a Potential Suicide Bomber?”

* “Creepy Harry Reid Is Old, Senile, and Stupid; We Explain What that Means for His Senate Race in Nevada”

* “Obama: Is His Secretly Being a Muslim Influencing Him Towards Communism?”

* “Why Do Democrats Hate America? A Psychologist Gives Us Answers”

* “Barney Frank Is Gay, But Could Anyone of Any Sexual Orientation Find Him Attractive? We Ask Scientists”

* “What Does Obama Have to Gain from Betraying Us to Our Enemies: A Continuing Look at the White House’s Foreign Policy”

* “Historians Point Out More Similarities Between the Democrats and the Nazis”

* “Is Obama the Anti-Christ or Simply a Lesser Servant of Satan? We Have the Debate”

* “Everyone Hates Pelosi and She Should Die”

* “What Are Obama’s Plans for Your Grandma After He Kills Her? Part Four of Our Five Part Investigation”

Pretty bad, huh? Well, ha, I tricked you, liberals! These were all actual headlines from CNN, MSNBC, ABC, and CBS except they were about Bush and the Republicans!

No, you’re a liar!

lolbama! Part 25

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

From Don:

[related]

From Don:

From Hellrider:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From AlanABQ:

From Jeff:

From Luipaard:

From Morris:

From me (Harvey) (Inspirational hat tip to Rott3nHippi3):

[reference link]

From Peregrine John:

[reference link]

From Robert:

From Steve:

From another Steve:

From Wyoclyde:

Also from Wyoclyde:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

That’s Terrence Scott, the “Why people hate you?” kid.

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Stuff White People Like: Living Around White People

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Apparently a number of the “progressive” havens like Austin and Portland are basically full of white people. Which isn’t to say that white liberals are racist, it’s just that they hate minorities and don’t want to live around them. Instead, as liberals, they want to pass laws to tell minorities what to do from afar.

I think this explains Barack Obama somewhat. He was probably about to move into a white, liberal neighborhood in Illinois so they were scrambling to find some way to get rid of him and settled on electing him president.

Random Thoughts

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When FOX News invented media bias, they should have patented it.

You know, a lot of the problems we’re focused on now will be rendered meaningless as soon as we become beings of pure energy.

If Corzine is making fun of Christie’s weight, maybe he could play it up himself for laughs. Like during a debate shouting, “Me want food!”

So Many Universes!

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Scientists (using Science!) calculated that there are 10^10^16 possible universes. That’s a one with ten quadrillion zeroes following it. That means like any wacky possibility you can think of, statistically it’s likely to exist in one of those. Like a universe where hyper-intelligent pine cones rule. Or one where platypi are normal and we’re the ones who are weird-looking. And there’s a universe where ninjas mated with pirates to make ninja-pirates.

So I know what you’re thinking: “Can we invade them and steal their oil?” Yes, but we’ll need a pretext for the invasion. That’s simple, though: All we have to do is find a universe similar to our own and then hit them up for tons of copyright infringements. When they won’t pay, we invade them and take their oil!

It’s ideas like that that would make me a much better ruler than a pine cone.

Islam Needs Better Marketing to Dominate

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Okay, so Gert Wilders goes to the UK, and he’s met with Muslim protesters holding up signs saying, “Islam Will Dominate the World: Freedom Can Go to Hell” and “Shariah the True Solution: Freedom Go To Hell”.

Not a great marketing strategy.

Not a great marketing strategy.

Now, they got nice, professional-looking, printed-out signs, yet they still don’t really have any better a concept of how to win friends and influence people than does the average Kos Kid. Do they really expect people to walk by and say, “That’s a great idea about freedom going to hell; I’m going to join Islam!” or “Wow! Whatever those angry, stupid, violent people are into, I totally want to be a part of that!”

They need better marketing!

Here are some of my sign ideas:

“Islam Will Dominate the World… and Your Heart”

“Shariah the True Solution for Family Fun”

“Shariah for the Netherlands; Ice Cream for the Children”

“The Modern World Is Scary; Join Islam and Help Us Yell at It”

“Down with Infidels; Up with Fun Beards”

“You Know How the Dog Is Scared of the Vacuum? Freedom Is Our Vacuum”

“Give Islam a Try; First Prayer Mat Is Free”

“Join Islam; How Great Could Bacon Possibly Be?”

Next, someone needs to write them a catchy jingle!

Random Thoughts

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I don’t think you should be free in this country to denounce freedom. Not being free to denounce freedom would make denouncers of freedom happy since then they wouldn’t be free.

Scientists calculate there are up to 10^10^16 alternate universes. That’s five more than I would have guessed.

MSNBC’s ratings and Obama’s sinking popularity tell us that while Americans may vote for liberals, they don’t like hearing them speak.

I hope the Yankees win every competition in every sport so that the only people who are ever happy are Yankees fans. And Satan.

Why do I even visit LGF? The only purpose seems to be to make myself angry at how Charles Johnson mindlessly latches on to arguments like a terrier.

Anyone seen any interesting pine cones lately? I saw one that was brown.

Some seasons I don’t see pine cones. I wonder where they hide.

I hear pine cones are actually pineapples that have been left in the sun too long, but I haven’t confirmed this.

If you leave a pine cone under your pillow, it will really freak out the Tooth Fairy. “What kind of tooth is that?!” Ha ha. Of course, I’m not sure you should interfere with the Tooth Fairy’s business. If it weren’t for her, we’d have landfills of teeth.

I really don’t know what pine cones are hoping to accomplish, but from the looks of them it can’t be anything good.

Who would ever have thought to pitch the premise of Red Dwarf as a sitcom? For fun, I just described the show to my wife and didn’t mention it was a British sitcom. “There’s this spaceship, and this one man is disciplined and put into stasis for the rest of the mission. When he awakes, the whole crew is dead from a radiation leak, and it’s three million years in the future. It’s hilarious!”

The doorbell rang, and when I opened the door there was a pine cone sitting on the front steps. Whoever did that, that’s not funny.

Cats aren’t as flammable as you’d think.

Am I annoying? I certainly don’t like me, but I don’t like anyone.

How could anyone be unhappy when they know they’re loved by someone as important as Jesus?

Jesus does not love pine cones.

I hate it when a baseball game is tied. Nine innings is already way too many for such a boring sport.

If you shoot a monkey and say it was self-defense, do they just take your word as a human or do you have a full trial?

So exactly what was in the balloon?

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The whole world — or at least the part of the world that had nothing better to do — was transfixed Thursday by the saga of the boy in the balloon.

First reports said that 6-year-old Falcon Heenes was on board the balloon, and people were horrified at that prospect. When the balloon landed, and the boy wasn’t found, first fears were that he had fallen out.

When he was found hiding in an attic, speculation turned to the whole thing being a hoax.

But there’s one aspect that people are forgetting: since Falcon was not on the balloon, what was?

Many are assuming that it empty. But was it?

Remember that the investigators said they believed the family when they said the boy was on the balloon. Then they believed the family when they said this wasn’t a hoax. They also believed the family’s timeline of events, such as calling 911 when other reports say they first called news outlets. Now, on Saturday, they’re thinking they might need to check out this Heenes family.

Joe Friday and Bill Gannon these guys aren’t.

So, I’m wondering… did these investigators even check out what was in the balloon? Or did they simply say, “Hmm, kid’s not here” and let it go at that. Was something else in that balloon? And, if so, what?

I have some thoughts on what might have been in that balloon:

  • The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize ballots
  • Amelia Earhart
  • Barack Obama’s college transcripts
  • The outtakes from the moon landing hoax
  • The 1993 Academy Award Best Actress ballots
  • Dick Cheney
  • CNN credibility
  • Apple’s Mac tablet computer
  • The Third Secret of Fatima
  • Abe Vigoda
  • A map of Atlantis
  • A map of Atlanta
  • Barack Obama’s birth certificate
  • Charles Dodgson’s hand-written Jack the Ripper confession
  • The Higgs boson

It’s hard to tell how much stuff could be hidden in the balloon, so I’m not sure how many of these items, or what else could have been on board.

There needs to be an investigation.