So one of Obama’s staff likes Chairman Mao. I guess that’s not too surprising, but Obama does seem to attract a lot of fringe radicals. It’s got to be tiresome for him to throw all of them under the bus. Still, recent news gave me a good idea for him. He could just have this big balloon take off from the White House lawn and scream, “Oh no! That balloon has taken off while my Communications Director was playing inside! Aieeee! It’s crashed into a mountain! I guess she’s dead now; it would be bad taste to play things she’s said on the Glenn Beck Show.”

That’s how you get ‘er done.

A 4th grader asked Obama why people hate him, and it seemed a good question. It made me ask myself, “Why do I hate Obama?” Here’s what I came up with:

* He’s always playing his loud music late at night.

* He eats babies.

* He’s always mixing up “imply” and “infer”.

* There’s strong suspicion he’s a serial killer.

* His voice is kinda nasally.

* He doesn’t even try to hide his worship of Satan.

* He smothers his hot dog in ketchup.

* His favorite pastime is lighting orphanages on fire and laughing.

* He uses the wrong fork for his salad.

* He once tried to poison a reservoir with nerve toxin just to distract Batman.

* He’s a Democrat.

My most controversial Pajamas Media column yet.

New from Crowder, the Nobel Peace Prize song.

Awesome. Love the Zo cameo.

NASA is thinking of sending a nuclear robot to Titan, one of the moons of Saturn. Usually I’m all for space exploration because, as Americans, we own the universe, but wouldn’t we have more use for nuclear robots hear on Earth? Think of how all the Taliban hiding in caves would react to a nuclear robot being deployed to Afghanistan.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “Would a nuclear robot be tactically advantageous in Afghanistan?” I think you’re missing the point, though. It’s a nuclear robot. And if we sent it to Afghanistan the same way we would have sent it to Titan — by launching it into orbit in a rocket and then letting it crash land — then it will be a nuclear robot from space. You don’t think tactics here; when you have that, you use it.

This is just like the other things we need for our military to bring it into the 22nd century: space lasers and dinosaurs with mounted rocket launchers. We need to deploy them as soon as possible because that’s how you get real peace — not made up, unicorn peace they believe in in Oslo — but the actual peace where your enemies bow down and worship you as an angry god.

There should be only one question we should be asking right now: If we know how to make a nuclear robot, then why isn’t it right now killing people we don’t like?

Could the future be sabotaging the Large Hadron Collider? The theory goes that discovering the Higgs boson could destroy the universe, so maybe the future is what’s causing all the problems with the collider in an attempt to stop us.

Other theory: Maybe people in the future are just jerks. Maybe they’re all like, “Look at those dummies in the past trying to find a Higgs boson; let’s mess it all up for funsies since we’re like superior since we’re from the future.” Grrr! I hate people from the future! They’re all so stuck up! It’s like if we went into the past to see cavemen how we’d keep making fun of how stupid they are for thinking the sun is a god until they finally got angry enough to beat us to death with clubs (and for good reason). Your location in the temporal dimension doesn’t make you better, jerks.

If we become certain that the future is messing with the Large Hadron Collider, what we should do is put swine flu in a time capsule. Then, when people in the future open the capsule hoping to see memorabilia from our time, all they’ll find in it is swine flu and a note saying, “This is for messing with our collider, goobers!” That’ll teach ’em.

A man dressed as a ninja wielding nunchucks was shouting about beating up Joe Lieberman. So, if you wondered what a Daily Kos diarist would do if he got out of his parents’ basement, now you know. In a way, Daily Kos is doing us a service, keeping these people busy in their little corner of the internets so they stay off the streets.

I bet a pirate could easily beat that ninja, though.

Or, at least, he hasn’t proven to me he’s not a rapist, but someone who writes a column this moronic does not deserve the benefit of the doubt.

They’ve been trying for more than twenty years now to smear Rush Limbaugh as a racist (he has different political views, so he has to be a racist!). Rush is on every day for three hours, so if he is a racist, you’d think you’d have plenty of examples over the past couple decades. Instead, his opponents are using completely made up quotes they found on the internets. Whitlock was informed these quotes are made up, but being told that and being unable to find any source for them he still decided to use them. In a just world, someone who mindlessly throws around charges of racism would be shunned as much as any KKK member, but I at least hope out and out slander like this would have FoxSports.com drop him.

Plus, he’s a rapist. You read it on teh internets.

Charles Johnson has finally baited Allahpundit into smacking him down — Charles really doesn’t seem to know how to pick his enemies anymore. Charles Johnson’s reaction was so childish it demonstrated why he’s not worth the time now.

I think some people are afraid Allahpundit may end up like Charles Johnson; Allahpundit likes to make fun of creationists and keep a safe distance from the conservative base. I don’t see it happening, though. The thing missing in the equation that leads to spite and a radical shift in political views is a big sense of self-importance. Allahpundit is self-deprecating, while Charles Johnson is quite humorless in regards to any criticism. His main complaint with Hot Air right now is that his blog was moved under left-wing in the Hot Air links (when he should just feel lucky he’s linked at all). Sorry, but you can’t spend all day hyperventilating about right-wing “extremists” and being an incredulous moron towards any made up info about conservatives (yes, the guy who exposed the Rather memos is now a big believer in “Fake But Accurate”) and be anything but left-wing.

Anywho, I don’t think Allahpundit is in risk of going all spiteful and crazy. That’s good, because in this time of over-excitement, we need a good Eeyore-pundit. And I don’t want to do that; I like blowing things out of proportion.