The U.S. Navy has lasers shooting down drones. This sounds pretty awesome, but who are we supposed to be using this advanced technology against? I mean, we have stealth bombers and lasers and nuclear subs, but our enemies these days are dimwits with AK-47s hanging out in caves. They can hardly send a donkey with a bomb strapped to it after us; they’re not going to send drones after us. All this advanced tech only seems to make sense if we were at war with ourselves.
Maybe one day advanced aliens will come to earth and get all up in our faces and we’ll be at war with them and get good use of our drone-shooting lasers, but until then we need something better adapted to taking out Ahmed as he runs around firing his old Russian rifle inaccurately as he screams, “Allāhu Akbar!” Now dinosaurs with rocket launchers on their backs would be just perfect for that. They’d fire rockets into caves and chomp down on all the terrorists that scurried out. It’s tech that just makes sense for our current threats.
I could see terrorists (e.g. Iran) using a drone to deliver a small dirty bomb. Wouldn’t do much to a city – but it could put an aircraft carrier out of commission for quite a while.
BTW: Laser Gun = Teh Awesome!
There’s no question if Advanced Space Aliens (ASAs) decide to attack we’re in deep monkey flung poo. Rocket launching dinosaurs are still a gleam in the eye of the average IMAOist, if flying saucers or other such ASA type vehicles start landing there won’t be any Tyranosaureces with Patriot missiles to defend us. I hate to be the one breaking the bad news to you but there it is. About the only hope we have is that enough poo flinging monkeys riding on laser firing drones with a sufficient supply of poo to fling show up and save us from those distardly Advanced Space Aliens.
Why can’t we have killer laser death rays and dinosaurs with rocket launchers? After all, this isn’t a guns versus butter debate; it’s simply a guns versus more guns debate.
Did you ever think that the lasers might be part of the “Nuke the Moon” project? I know you support that.
Obviously if it was a Navy exercise, Aquaman played some part in this.
Frank, you need to think more clearly. Dinosaurs with rocket launchers are perfect stand-off attack artillery platforms for the brigade or regimental level (Dinosaurs with wings and rocket launchers can be used as Close Air Support platforms). Smaller dinosaurs with heavy mortars can be used at the battalion level. Even smaller dinosaurs can be “up armored” and used as a replacement for certain vehicles. They will be armed with dual 5.56 miniguns and our soldiers and marines will ride them.
Now, when you envision dinosaurs shooting into caves, you need to think smaller. Grizzly bears with machine guns and claymore swords. I envision a new “light” division, perfect for use in COIN operations and “small scale” wars. The usual rifle squad in this division will consist of wildcats carrying M-16s, grizzly bears carrying 50 caliber machine guns instead of the SAW, and wild boar carrying those automatic grenade launchers. We can also attach wolves as ground operating scouts, and hawks to operate as air mobile observer/sniper teams. The weapons squad will consist drunken Irishmen hurling Molotov cocktails.
They will be a light force capable of being delievered into the combat sectors in helicopters or on dinosaurs with wings. The division, of course, will have “Wild Animal Brigade Combat Teams” for smaller operations where a division is too large.
Hmm what If we put the Laser on the Dinosaur along with the Rockets?
Frank, please moderate my comment. Thank you.
About Aliens
-Guns, bombs, etc.. would work on all organic beings. Force-fields are total nonsense especially against kinetic projectiles.
-It is funny you mention Afghanistan since us against aliens would basically be exactly like that except us as the dirt poor with primitive weapons. Important point, they have been able to hold their own against us.
-Aliens will almost certainly not have a Geneva convention they are worried about. Because while faster then light travel is probably possible. Faster then light communications by themselves aren’t. Imagine how Vietnam would have gone if all pictures and video not sanctioned and brought back by the military had to go at light speed and thus took 500 years to get from Vietnam back to America. The soviets weren’t worried about Geneva convention and they could not beat Afghanistan either.
-Even if Aliens had extra long life cycles it would be offset by a slower heart-rate thus much easier for us to hunt.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12877984
-Let us hope Alien women are hot and sexy and either red, green, or blue. I am tired of pale, brown, and black. Talk about a boring pallet.
I don’t want to hear about this until the laser cannonhis handgun sized. Then the fun really begins.
Actually, this is pretty neat. We are missing the usefulness here. With Fred Thompson as predident he could set a ring of INVISIBLE infra-red lasers near the U.N. As the foreign fruitcakes fly in…ZAP !!! We could then say we didn’t know what happenned. It was invisible. Also goes for any flights with liberal Jounolists onboard.
I’ll have you know I’ve been raising velociraptors in my double secret probation farm and haven’t had much success teaching them to fire rocket launchers. Those guys just want rush in and chomp and rip their opponents to shreds. That’s why I bowed to the innevitable and tought them to hold meat cleavers, knives of all kinds, axes, swords, you name it. If it cuts they love it.
This will work because I was able to teach my howler monkey herd how to fire MP-5 submachineguns and RPGs, so the velociraptors advance under a hail of fire from the howler monkeys until they get close enough to cut and tear everything to pieces. It’s worked perfectly when they attacked a couple of hippie communes near my farm that were stinking the place up. And the raptors then ate all the cut up hippies while the howler monkeys, well, howled. It was such a touching scene. Sniff.
You gotta be careful feeding them hippies, all the pot and LSD could have negative effects on them. I suggest capturing three hippies, kill two and feed them to the last one to see if it has any side effects. THen you will know if they are a safe food source for the dinos.
Good point, rayfan87. Fortunately they’ve already consumed about 297 hippies without any bad side effects. At least my raptors are inmune to drug induced hippie side effects.
Unfortunately, when they poop after a good meal of shreded hippie, well, let’s just say you wanna be upwind and a few hundred miles away.
There is clearly an opportunity presented by this laser echnology to develop a fool-proof defense against enemy submarines, but I hate to mention it and give credit to those godawful Mike Meyers spy comedies.
Rayfan87, reptile digestive systems are less complex and therefore a lot more robust than ours. A komodo dragon, for example, can digest a hippie who’s been dead and decomposing for a week, with no adverse effects. Don’t ask me how I know that, as I live in California where hippies are a protected species.
@Marko: Of course, one of the key components of COIN ops is the winning hearts and minds. I’d say the combined arms of armed dinosaurs, grizzlies, wildcats and boars should be sufficient to kill all the hearts and minds of the insurgents.
Just a thought: Since all the polar bears are now floating south on individual mini icebergs, perhaps they could be enlisted for mountain combat.
Wait… standby… something coming in over the tinfoil. Yes, the U.S. admitted today that it has been firing on UFO’s for over 60 years! The drone killing laser is meant for them, for sure…
Frank, I hate to break it to you but everybody and their brother is developing drones: the Chinese, the Iranians, the North Koreans… the bad guys and good guys, alike. The technology is cheap and plentiful. So, um, yeah, we need a drone killer.
We’ve been fighting space aliens for years. However, Boehner and McConnell have been doing a pretty poor job of it…it’s time for some new leadership.
Burma, polar bears will be used for our eventual invasion of Siberia and polar Russia. Grizzlies are perfect for mountain combat. We will have to clone some of these animals, like the snow leopard.
That photo in the link is of a Phalanx Close-in Weapon System, a radar controlled high speed gatling gun intended to fire spent-uranium slugs at incoming cruise missiles for last-ditch ship defense.
That all by itself is pretty awesome, but unless they retrofitted one with an laser, I call Shenanigans on that photo.
PS: Gene-splice Silver back mountain gorillas with Kodiak bears and we could have real Bigfoots to lead the bear cavalry.
Marko: I have an addition to your animal order-of-battle. I was reading the drone-killing laser article yesterday and found a link to a similar article in Scientific American about it.
The “money quote” there was that you never run out of ammo as long as you have electricity. So you’re gonna need the Energizer Bunny too.
“این دام نیست!”
– Al Ackbar
US Navy Seals got a hold of Aquaman and applied their trade. Water Boarding, a few hundred volts to the nads and a cattle prod up the rectum and great fun was had by all…