Obama says we must win the future. This is obvious. We should not be future losers. But the way Obama says we should win the future is to build high-speed rails, make cleaner energy, and make selling salmon less complicated. Needless to say, the future Obama is proposing we win is a BORING STUPID FUTURE! I propose we win a much better future. Here is how:
HOW TO WIN THE FUTURE
* Make jet packs cheap and available (or, alternatively, rocket boots).
* Hit the giant enemy crab in its weak points for massive damage.
* Nuke the moon.
* Build giant robots.
* Make sure the next generation’s kung fu is strong.
* Capture the golden snitch.
* Attach frickin’ lasers beams to the head of the salmon.
* Get a point multiplier for double the future points.
* Build a high-speed rail gun.
I remember when we used to win the future by being free and stuff.
HOW TO WIN THE FUTURE (WTF)
New government programs to issue supercars to everyone
Research to find a cure for Sputnik
Ear power
Education for the chronically inept
from Google serach 4 “win the future”
Obama repeatedly declared the imperative to “win the future,” comparing the current need for innovation to the space race against the Soviet Union in the …Washington Post
“Sustaining the American dream has never been about standing pat,” Obama said.
“It has required each generation to sacrifice, and struggle, and meet the demands
of a new age. Now it’s our turn.” …end quote
The KEY WORDS here are REQUIRED and SACRIFICE!
This is just more proof that modern-day liberals are nothing more than modern Canaanites and Baal Hussein Obama is thier God to whom these sacrifices will be given.
* Hit the giant enemy crab in its weak points for massive damage.
What we need is a poster showing the giant enemy crab’s weak points. Until we have that information, running away is the best option when dealing with giant enemy crabs.
* Nuke the moon.
Until you bring back the Nuke The Moon shirts it ain’t gonna happen. How can we advocate for Moon nuking without our Nuke The Moon t-shits? Like DUUUH, Frnak.
* Attach frickin’ lasers beams to the head of the salmon.
How about a picture of the IMAO t-shirt babe with a laser gun? She’s almost aways holding a gun in her pictures, so a laser gun is a natural.
Who’s the Golden Snitch? Is that like John McCain or something?
We need rocket launchers on all of our cars capable of launching a Sidewinder at any “green” vehicle we come across, like those two seat plastic things. I’d like my rocket launcher to pop out of my hood and a heads down display will pop up on my windshield for accurate blastin! Left lane bandits are also fair game!
We need High Speed knives for up-close work!
We need to do some serious nukin’! I’d start with France and then go for Syria or Saudi Arabia. We must make certain that our nukes perform as planned and the only way to do that is to use one or two every 5 to 10 years. It will also make evil-doers think that we are nuts and may nuke them next…like Canada!
I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t stand Pat! He’s a real homo!
Was ‘build giant robots’ not already on the list? Have we not even started yet?!!!
Obama is anti-robot! Robophobic!
How to win the future: VOTE
ussjimmycarter, good one. That took me a second to sink in to my gray matter.
At this point, is there anyone who thinks more government solutions are ever a good thing? …I mean, anyone who actually works, pays taxes, raises a family, etc.
Winning the future is pure mathematics. We need to rid ourselves of the weak (liberals) by putting them in a cannon and shooting them at Mars. For this, we will need technology.
For anyone who missed this at HotAir, in ’05 Newt Gingrich wrote a book titled, Winning the Future. H/A also points out that we can abbreviate Obama’s new theme to WTF.
Giant Robots? You mean Cylons?
Didn’t we learn anything from Battlestar Galactica?
Also, in the Battlestar Galactica television series there was a striking resemblance between John McCain and Colonel Saul Tigh (who was a Cylon sleeper agent).
The crazy drug using religious nut President Roslin looks identical to Sarah Palin and Cindy McCain is the Cylon babe #6’s doppleganger. The wierd thing is that this show started several years before Palin (or McCain) was seen by most Americans.
So I’d have to say no to Giant Robots just to be on the safe side. That TV show was more than just coincidence.
didn’t we listen when Chris Carter tried to teach us to “Fight the Future”?
no… no we didn’t, and just look where it got us…
I just noticed my comment above is awaiting moderation. You’re not missing much, just my usual diatribes on how everyone will be ruled by me and what punnishments I will decree when I take over to all who failed to acknowledge and worship my greatness or something like that.
What sort of natural herbal remedy is suggested for robot attack?
I already Won the Future – With the help of Science!, I hopped aboard my quantum time traveling particle, closed my eyes and 30 minutes later I won the future
I knew a girl named Pat once. Trust me, you could stand her.
Pat’s a ghey name because it can be either a girl’s name or a boy’s name! I prefer Steve, Chuck, Bob, Frank etc. so as not to run the risk of “gender confusion” and “gender identification studies” in High School and College where one goes out and “experiments” with their sexual identity…
I’m wondering what Frank J is going to do when he takes Buttercup out to buy her first doll and she heads over to the GI Joe section instead of the Barbie aisle? That should be quite entertaining!
I’ve got a Golden Ticket, and all I won was this Chocolate Factory. 🙁
Free the Sock Puppets!
Regarding BurmaShave’s comment: So Joe Biden isn’t the only one who likes to Plagiarize. Or, perhaps Slow Joe had a hand in writing the SOTU speech.
Public Schools are filled with Future Losers.
If only we had a DeLorean DMC-12 with a flux capacitor, and 1.21 Gigawatts of power, I’m sure we could win the future.
There are complications to winning the future, like trying to smoke salmon. —“Gee, Mr. President, wouldn’t it be easier to get a nicotine patch?”
Every time he tried smoking salmon the papers ripped.
*Sigh* I remember those days when winning the future meant building better and more weapons to masticate, eviscerate, detonate and irradiate certain Euro and Asian based folks.
I remember instead of talking about sputnik moments, we heard “When this war is over, Japanese will only be spoken in heck”.
Giant rail guns firing electron laser projectiles!
High speed rail gun? Well we’re already working on that!
http://www.military.com/soldiertech/0,14632,Soldiertech_RailGuns,,00.html
Win the future (my humble suggestion)
Allow Bolivia to flood the world with cocoa leaves and then take over while everyone is in a narcotic induced haze. We will then make everyone work for us and live LIKE KINGS (or at least members of Congress . BWhahahhaahahaha.
Wait sorry, that’s from the socialist playbook. I picked up the wrong book………….my bad.