In some countries, regular incandescent light bulbs have been banned. Some entrepreneurs there have come up with another option than putting a CFL in a lamp, though. Their idea is a heating source that fits in a regular light bulb socket: The Heatball. It’s very efficient as 95% of the energy it uses gets converted to heat (with 5% wasted as light). What a neat idea: Cheap, efficient heating for everyone. Liberals should be all over this.

Birds started mysteriously dying in Louisiana and Arkansas. Kinda feels like the beginning of a horror movie where seeing all these dead birds sets the tone before the real scares start.

Anyway, no one knows what is causing this, so I was thinking of some theories to explain it. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

* A prolific bird serial killer.

* Chupacabras from Mexico, running out of goats to suck, have evolved into bird suckers.

* Bird suicide cult.

* Birds are unable to avoid all our obese children and keep running into them and dying.

* Obama passed a bill to increase the number of birds.

* Cloaked Klingon Bird of Prey ships hovering in the air that the birds keep flying into.

* They’re just pining for the fjords.

Instead of speculating, maybe we should just find a bird with red plumage and sunglasses to investigate.

The left is clamoring for “filibuster reform” — to make it so that only 51 votes are needed in the Senate to pass anything. What depraved individual wants to make it easier for the government to do stuff? The government doing stuff is expensive and hurts freedom, so we should all be trying to make sure it barely ever does anything. Still, there are people out there that hate humanity and want the government constantly doing stuff and spending our money while pushing us around. They must be foiled.

Republicans should respond with some ideas to get even less stuff passed. Here are my suggestions:

* Anything that expands government needs a two-thirds supermajority.

* Bills should have a one year waiting period during which we think long and hard about whether we really need it or not.

* To decide whether a bill is Constitutional, member of Congress will need to role play as the Founding Fathers and have them debate the bill.

* Any new bill must be read on the floor in its entirety. Since there is no official language in the U.S., it must also be read in any language people might possibly use in America.

* To show that it’s serious, any new bill must be presented along with a member of Congress’s pinky finger.

* Any bill can be blocked by a challenge to a riddle contest.

* To make sure people are voting for the bill they think they’re voting for, each Congressman must count the number of times the letter ‘e’ appears in the bill and present that number with his yes vote. The vote will only count if the number is correct.