So far, the response to me announcing that IMAO is now 4G has been awesome. Often, I’m hearing this, “Wow! Am I excited about the new 4G IMAO! I can hardly think of all the possibilities! Still, I’m a bit curious on exactly what this means for me.”

Well, I’ll tell you what it means. It means IMAO is more advanced and more infused with… advancedness. So you should be excited. Thrilled even. Maybe a little aroused.

It also means a minor price adjustment, as you will see a slight doubling of the cost of IMAO on your next monthly bill. But remember, in exchange you’ll be getting three times* the performance out of IMAO.

4G IMAO. It’s the way of the future. But here now. And at IMAO.

* 2.73 times rounded up.

A scientist is saying that in the next four years he thinks he’ll be able to resurrect the woolly mammoth. And how will he do this? With Science!

A woolly mammoth is just like an African elephant but bigger and covered in hair, so this is great news for people whose main complaint about the African elephant was that it’s not big enough and not fluffy enough. But for those of us hoping scientists bring back the dinosaurs so they could be mounted with rocket launchers, this seems like it could be good news. If we resurrect woolly mammoths, could dinosaurs be far behind? Well, yes, since we don’t have frozen remains of them. I guess they could resurrect a dodo bird next, which if you’re being really technical would be resurrecting a dinosaur though no one would really count that because it’s too small for rocket launchers. I guess in the meantime we could mount rocket launchers on the woolly mammoth, but every time they’d launch they’d burn its hair and it would smell awful.

Still, exciting! Science!

Politico has uncovered that it’s possible that when Sarah Palin used the phrase “blood libel”, it may have been a secret message — a dog whistle — to conservative Christians. This is according to “some” who did “say” it. Of course, it’s completely impossible for a Politico employee (who “some say” are journalists) to actually talk to one of the tens of millions of conservative Christians, so the only thing left to do is rampant, paranoid speculation!

So what could be the secret coded message Palin was sending out? Some say these are the possibilities:

* Bring me the beard of Paul Krugman!

* I like turtles.

* Be sure to drink your Ovaltine.

* 10 Palin Points to anyone who murders a hobo.

* RON PAUL!

* There are free bagels and coffee in the break room.

* I think Kos sent me an obscene picture of his private parts, but my phone wasn’t able to zoom enough to see them clearly.

* I will put my next orders to kill in a children’s book instead of a map.

* Watch Sarah Palin’s Alaska Sunday nights on TLC.

* I kinda get the feeling the backup job for most journalists wasn’t nuclear physicist.