Keln of Nuking Politics picked his favorite punchlines to “Did you hear they finally found those missing Fast & Furious documents?”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email him about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, he’s got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
[High Praise! to Mark of Slapotics]
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #674,035)
Look, I know this is just supposed to be one of those “awwww… cute!” things, but think about it:
Wild bears just demonstrated intellectual mastery over a garage door and a ladder while completely ignoring man’s most fearsome weapons: the dog and the video camera.
If they develop dinosaur-with-rocket-launcher technology before we do, soon they’ll be chasing us through cornfields on horseback.
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UPDATE: Linked by Evolution Becomes Revolution
[pic via Flickr]
As Frank said:
It’s bad optics how Romney is always seen carrying canvas sacks with large dollar signs on them. And what’s the monocle for?
Personally, I’m an optimist, and I see Romney’s glasses as half-full.
In fact, the one sure way for Romney to get my sincere, enthusiastic support would be for him to go out in public looking exactly like this for EVERY campaign speech, and adopting one of the following slogans:
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* I’m like Uncle Scrooge McDuck, except my swimming pool full of gold coins is MUCH bigger.
* Unlike Obama, I earned this by selling goods & services in the free market to willing buyers
* Corporations are people. Liberals are barely even human.
* I’ve dropped forks that cost more than your electric car.
* Windmills are for tulip-tending clog-wearers.
* Socialism: licking the scraps off capitalism’s plate since 1917
* I beat up the Monopoly guy and stole these.
* If capitalism is cold-blooded, I’m a dinosaur with a rocket launcher – RARRRR!
* I made my fortune selling bongos to Occupy hippies.
* If money were sand, I’d be a beach. Surf’s up, dudes!
* If Wall Street were my dog, I wouldn’t make it ride on the roof. Obama would still eat it, though.
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So… is there ANYTHING that would make you want to vote for Romney?
I mean OTHER than him not being Obama.
From Roshan Jerad Perera:
After reading about the evils of drinking, I’ve decided to give up reading
From Fred Thompson:
Broke CA ok’s $68B for high-speed rail line. Presumably, so folks can get to the jobs they don’t have much faster.
From Megan Amram:
I get all of my news from “We Didn’t Start The Fire”
From Jim Treacher:
When Obama gets heckled, the heckler is a racist. When Romney gets heckled, HE’S a racist. Keep it straight, cracker.
[via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine]
It was changed in 2003, after soliciting suggestions from the readership.
Looking back on the ten years of IMAO, I have to say my favorite thing of all time from it was the t-shirt babe competition. Harvey put up the relevant links in today’s retrospective, but I thought I’d just go ahead and write my remembrance of it. Basically, the idea came about because I thought having a t-shirt model would help sell more t-shirt, but I also had the secondary idea of finding out whether I had any attractive readers to my blog who I could then totally hit on because they were already fans of mine. So I came up with the idea of a competition where the winner would do modeling photos of my t-shirts and get the prize of a hundred dollar shopping spree at ThoseShirts.com and a $100 cash (which was a lot of money back in 2004). It was a very scary idea because I knew it could turn out horribly, but somehow I got the courage to go through with it. It was pretty nerve racking when there were few entries at first, but as the deadline approached, many came in.
And then I saw her. And I was like, “Hands down; we have a winner.” But it wasn’t up to just me. To make it a real competition, there were nine judges including me, and each would pick five ranked entries, with five points going to their number one choices down to one point for the number five choices. I, of course, picked number SarahK as my number one choice, but the voting was pretty varied. When I added it up, SarahK won by but a single point. I don’t know what was wrong with the other judges. And who knows what would have happened if SarahK lost. But instead she won and then we started talking and eventually had a first date hiking the Grand Canyon and later got married and then had the cutest baby ever. I.e., my t-shirt babe scam totally worked as planned. It was well worth the one hundred bucks cash it cost me.
It should be noted that Harvey was one of the judges and didn’t vote for SarahK as any of his choices. She has hated him ever since and is every day like, “So when are you kicking Harvey off your blog?” And I’m like, “Soon.” But then I’d have to find in the blogging software how to remove his account and I’m just way too lazy.
Anyway, that’s the t-shirt babe story, and probably when IMAO jumped the shark since it’s widely believed that after I got married I became much less funny. But whatever. Screw you guys; I got a t-shirt babe.
The House voted again to repeal Obamacare, and some people are making a big deal of it because it’s like the 33rd time, but I hope we do it many more times. Perhaps if Romney is elected, the next time could lead to the actual repeal, but I hope they keep doing more votes to repeal it even after that. Except after they’re done, they’ll be like, “Oh, wait; we already repealed that awful legislation and it was awesome.” And then Congress will have a good laugh. Maybe we can make an annual thing of it, so like a hundred years from now we’ll vote once again to repeal Obamacare just to remember what an awful law it was and how we don’t want crap like that here in America.
So Romney talked to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, and I was wondering, does the NAACP have an exit strategy? I mean, they do understand that one day in the future people will look at them all grouped together by the amount of melanin they have in their skin and consider that horrifically racist, so they’ll want to make sure the organization is defunct by then. Do they have a plan for that? Like do they have some benchmarks to go by to know when to disband their organization before it’s one of the last bastions propagating the racism it was started to fight? Because if it goes on too long, it could become a mockery… doing things like protesting a Hallmark card because “black holes” sounds too much like “black hos”. Then they’d be way past time to end themselves.
[High Praise! to Real Clear Politics]
The Chicago Chubbins blathered thusly:
“When Barack Obama got the keys to the bus it was trapped in the ditch with three flat tires. We’ve changed the tires, we’ve pulled the bus out of the ditch, and we’re starting up the road to strengthening the middle class,” Gibbs said this morning.
“There’s a different theory. Mitt Romney wants to take that bus — probably a bus made in Switzerland or Bermuda — and he wants to turn that bus around, he wants to pick up some millionaires and billionaires and shower them with cash,” he said.
Ok, couple of things, Bobbie:
A) Busses carry 3 spare tires and a jack? Or did your bailout-buddy GM drive up in a tow truck?
B) Obama’s bus was made in Cananda. Are you sure you want to go there?
Remember: Friends don’t let friends make stupid metaphors that backfire.
Wow. Before Twitter, we never got to see unrelated corporations banter with each other. They really are people!
How long can you go without coffee before you die of coffeelessness?
Some day we’ll have to comes to terms that we only get one first black president and we totally screwed it up.
If Congress did nothing but vote to repeal Obamacare over the past four years, we’d be in much better shape.
The Obamacare repeal vote seems to be upsetting to many people. Why didn’t we hear this much whining about voting to repeal Obamacare the first 32 times?
It’s bad optics how Romney is always seen carrying canvas sacks with large dollar signs on them. And what’s the monocle for?
If Obama is so anti-American, then how come the only sort of terrorists he’s been known to hang out with are domestic ones?
Debate pitfall Romney needs to avoid: Sending his butler to debate for him.
See, I’m non-partisan; I make fun of both sides. It’s just that those filthy, bottom-feeding Democrats deserve it more.
Dropbox just suddenly doubled our space. Yay, competition.
How did we judge fellow human beings before we could see how many Twitter followers they have?
We’re all working towards a day where having a racially focused group like the NAACP would be horrifically idiotic, right?
The Walking Dead Comics are good, but they’re also like “what absolutely horrible thing can I subject my readers to next.”
Year by year, some of the great posts in IMAO history:
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2002 – A list of the most blood-thirsty posts in IMAO history (which was about 3 months at the time, but it’s still a surprisingly long list, and Frank probably forgot a few).
2003 – Frank’s soul-stirring declaration of war against the evil puppy-blender Instapundit
2004 – The IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest:
Announcement
FAQ
Entries
Winner!
2005 – The Ballad of Frank J.’s Accident
2006 – I miss John Bolton SO much…
2007 – Clearer Movie Titles – For example, in the WYSIWYG tradition of “Snakes on a Plane”, “Reservoir Dogs” should’ve been called “Bank Robber Flashback Fun” (oodles of great suggestions in the comments)
2008 – Hippie Punching FAQ
2009 – Basil’s done a lot of great Storyboard posts over the years, but “It’s a Good Life” is still my absolute favorite.
2010 – A mystery the MSM is still working on: what to call Obama supporters
2011 – Frank explains how comment moderation works at IMAO. Basil goes one step further and challenges people to TRY to get moderated.
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Referring to his 2008 campaign, President Obama said in Philadelphia, “I’ve been outspent before”.
Since then – not by anyone ever elected President.
Short answer: No.
Yeah… turns out President Pointy Pinkie has had this problem for a while now.
Maybe Newsweek was right about him.
[pic via American and Proud [High Praise!]
