So it seems like Republicans and Democrats are nearing a compromise on the shut down and debt ceiling. Here’s what I’m hearing are possibly part of that compromise.
POSSIBLE PARTS OF A COMPROMISE ON THE SHUTDOWN AND DEBT CEILING
* The government will only be shut down on weekends and holidays.
* Obama can no longer interrupt prime time network TV for his useless speeches and instead they will be broadcast on the Cartoon Network.
* Everyone who works hard and pays taxes so everyone else gets free stuff will now get a thank you note (email, not print).
* Obamacare will continue to be implemented, but it will continue to be inept so as to help Republicans get more gains in 2014.
* Republicans will be required to roll their eyes whenever “Ted Cruz” is mentioned to show they aren’t extremists, and occasionally mutter “That guy…”
* While raising the debt ceiling, the debt floor will also be lowered case anyone wants to consider less debt. Maybe. Just an idea.
* Democrats will continue to spend the government into collapse, but Republicans get to keep their guns so they’ll easily be able to take over when the inevitable happens.
* The individual mandate will be delayed for five minutes.
* Some spending cuts will be made in exchange for Republicans publicly admitting they didn’t really have and end game planned for all this.
I have a SUREFIRE plan that involves the House sending the Senate an addendum with a 3 pt size and white on white font color!
* Republicans and Democrats will agree to stick forks in each other and yell, “You’re done! No, you’re done! You’re done! No, you’re done! No, you’re done!…” Meanwhile, feral pigs invade Washington and eat people.
* “Compromise” will be redefined to mean “totally giving in” when referring to the advancement of any liberal agenda
* The debt ceiling will be rebuilt as a domed stadium with a retractable roof. It will be called “The Doomed Stadium” because the sky is falling.
* The “debt ceiling” is about to be repainted – with American blood.”
* We can’t raise the debt ceiling because the American people will raise the roof.
Call me crazy and cookie deficient but perhaps they might actually try writing and passing an actual budget?
* What are we supposed to do? Sit around and stare at the debt ceiling?
* Like the Chernobyl nuclear power plant, the American “debt ceiling” needs to be encased in concrete.
* Hey Congress! Stick a sock in it, put a lid on it and CRAM IT!
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