Like a “gun free zone” sign for the internet.
During a recent interview on MSNBC, Zuckerberg staunchly opposed the “irresponsible” legislation that “puts guns in the hands of America’s most offensive offenders.”
“Facebook is all about human decency and human communication,” said Zuckerberg. “What can you communicate with a gun? Nothing. Which is the only thing people should be allowed to say after they’ve proved they’re not good enough to have a civil discussion on Facebook. So a Facebook ban is like giving them a gun. But a gun of peace, that can’t hurt anyone. Which is entirely different than the guns of hate that this hateful law allows them to have. Which is why this law should be banned, like hate speech from Facebook.”
Facebook spokesman Joseph Isuzu later clarified Zuckerberg’s remarks.
“I think what Mark was trying to say is that the people who end up getting banned from Facebook aren’t normal, everyday, average people,” Isuzu said. “They’re the crude, dangerous, unsavory element you’d expect to see wearing a gauntlet and snapping their fingers. You certainly wouldn’t want them having weapons. Or being able to talk about weapons. Or about laws that allow them to have weapons without the permission of the people who banned them from Facebook for saying those things.”
“Anyway, it’s complicated. Bottom line is that people who can’t be trusted with a safe, squishy, non-threatening thing like Facebook certainly shouldn’t be trusted with guns, and that law that says they can own them should be banned like a gun enthusiast who offended a monolithic powerhouse social media corporation.”
David Scott, a gun enthusiast who offended a monolithic powerhouse social media corporation and was banned for it, said that Facebook was free to talk all they wanted under their First Amendment protections.
“But rest assured,” said Scott, “we’ll continue to exercise our freedoms under the guarantees of the Second Amendment, enshrined as it is in the highest law of this land.”
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Sadly I think you will be seeing the mirror image legislation being proposed soon enough. When your “Social Capital” gets too low you will surrender all your other rights. Including your right to bare arms.
So, when did Mark F*ckerbery tell his ARMED body guards to leave their guns at home? NOT !!! Typical Lefty-Liberal Hypocrite.
Is this satire?
Yea.
So when did Mark become a judge with the power to remove a person’s constitutional rights?
Mark has much more power than mere judges, for he’s a Master of the Universe.
Every one should mass sue Zuckerberg under title 18 u.s.c. section 241 CONSPIRACY AGAINST RIGHTS and title 18 u.s.c. section 242 Deprivation of rights under color of law.
Send the traitor a message.
If you believe this “fake news” than you are a bigger idiot than the guy who wrote this ‘article.’
This article was satire not news…fake or otherwise!
You’re not from around here are you…
Also, “then”
Grammar Nazi!
Burn Him!
My bad, that only applies to witches.
Mark Suckthehead can shove Fakebook up his progreSSive backside. I notice that it’s only he and his soy-boy acolytes that get to define who is and who isn’t a lowlife that’s unworthy of a presence on their site. Keep your garbage Markie, there are other sites much better than yours!
Wait a second… Is Facebook implying that people who have been banned by Facebook shouldn’t be allowed to own firearms???
At the very bottom of the post, in a tiny font, are the words “filed under” followed by the names of two categories.
These are important, and should be read carefully before hitting the “post comment” button.
I’ll take Newsish Fakery for $500 Alex.
Optimist!
Hey and a link from the Instapundit hisself!
Instapundit links are tight!
If you REALLY want attention, though, get linked by Sarah Hoyt on a weekend.
That set a record for the post-Movable-Type era.
Why does that seem vaguely euphemistic?
That’s a question for IMAO answers.
And you be nice to Sarah. She’s basically IMAO’s patron saint.
I find that quote from Patton [Movie] somewhat appropriate in a humorous way.
“Sarah you magnificent b*stard I read your book!”
All that not withstanding the phrasing is what I found humorous in that one could construe it as some serious innuendo. Is getting “linked” painful or pleasurable? Both? Asking for a friend.
That’s DEFINITELY an IMAO Answers question…