BAGHDAD, Iraq (Reuters) – In a surprise move, President George W. Bush made an unannounced trip to Iraq on Monday in order to spread his message of “peace in the Middle East NOW!”.
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“I decided to take a page from those filthy hippies I see all over D.C.,” said Bush, “marching around, undermining homefront morale, and generally stinkin’ up the place. I thought ‘if these sponge-brained mudpuppies really want the war to end, they should probably stop squatting where the bullets aren’t flying and start talking to the screwball Koran-thumpers that are doin’ the shooting’. Figured I’d start with the man in the mirror, and so here I am.”
Wearing an Alanis Morissette wig and festooned with various peacenik paraphrenalia, the President marched amiably through various Baghdad neighborhoods, speaking of peace, love, and the hopelessness of the Islamist cause. He also carried a variety of signs during the day, which bore demoralizing slogans such as “War is unhealthy for children and other living things like stupid terrorists”, “If you keep fighting, you’ll be dead and America will STILL steal your oil”, and “While you’re out here fighting, your Imam is home nailing your wife”.
Although locals were displeased with Bush’s crude, tasteless, and unpleasantly patchouli-drenched display, they did – in an uncharacteristic display of civility – allow him to conduct his protest unmolested.
“While I certainly don’t care for either his message or his aroma,” said one local Al Qaeda member, “there’s not much I can do about it. After all we DO have freedom of speech in Iraq. Or 160,000 well-armed American troops, which is pretty much the same thing.”
When asked whether Bush’s antics would dissuade him from further belligerence, the insurgent responded, “Absolutely not! I have a deep-seated belief in Allah, unshakable faith in the rightness of Jihad, and nothing will steer me away from my goal of earning my 72 virgins!”.
“Except maybe a set of Girls Gone Wild DVD’s. Hint, hint.”
Wearing an Alanis Morissette wig
That wasn’t a wig, it was her hair. He scalped her as we sat around laughing at her.
I also personally saw Air Force One swerve on the landing strip and run down a dog and Bush was at the controls. As the plane when by, the dog said, “Why must I die because of imperialist warmongers?”
True story.
“Except maybe a set of Girls Gone Wild DVD’s. Hint, hint.”
Ha! I left 10,000 copies of the “Naked Grandmas for Peace” DVD on the Mosque lawn.
Now, clearly, that didn’t happen, because everyone knows that a peace-spouting hippy would get hanged from a bridge faster than those Blackwater guys. Except the hippy would get a high school named after him back home, whereas the Blackwater guys were turned into ripped-from-the-headlines villains on “Jericho”(Ravenwood = Blackwater – get it?).
Man, now we’ll never get the retard hippies to go over and protest Al Qaeda’s involvement in Iraq. Not since Dubya did it. The BDS will kick in and they’ll never give themselves cannon fodder. We have to trick them into an IED blast zone some other way now.
Just another example of Dubya letting the Base down again.
While I am pleased to find hard news back on IMAO again, I believe the accompanying photo of President Bush has been slightly altered. Do not quickly dismiss me, for I can back up these shocking claims.
If you note the respective patterns of the material comprising the headband and tie, you will see clearly that while they are similar chromatically, they differ slightly in design work. In Anbar this fall the fashion is for matching color and design in headband and necktie, a detail the fashion-conscious President Bush would not have himself missed.
Thank you, IMAO, for again creating the Truth with slyly executed fakery.