“Fight for $15!” Shouts Liberal Who’s Never Had to Meet a Payroll or Turn a Profit

Ironically, this man now works at a company that manufactures fast food self-service kiosks

PORTLAND, OR (AP) – Protesters gathered outside a local McDonald’s to chant slogans in favor of a $15/hour federal minimum wage. The group was led by a life-long liberal who has never run a business, and has absolutely no idea what it takes to meet an employee payroll or turn a profit.

Maynard Krebs, a 29-year-old self-described “stay at home student,” currently pursuing a double-masters in Grievance Studies and Alternative Economics, explained his interest in the “Fight for $15” movement.

“This place is a total rip-off. They have all this food here, all these straws and napkins and sporks. This place is lousy with greedy bourgeoisie wealth, but they refuse to share it,” said Krebs, helping himself to a handful of straws, which, although given to customers for free, were delivered to the restaurant for a non-zero cost.

“I mean look at that guy running the checkout over there. There must be thousands of dollars in that till, but you can be sure all that pirate booty in the cash register isn’t being split with the workers,” said Krebs, oblivious to the fact that the cash register in question recently underwent repairs at some considerable cost to the owner, not to mention the downtime causing some potential customers to leave in frustration during a lunchtime backup, resulting in lost sales.

“You know who’s making out like a bandit, though? The owner of this dump. He’s got money to burn that just rolls into his pocket without him having to lift a finger. Stealing bread – well, burgers – out of the mouths of the working class. Like that poor, obviously overworked manager in the white shirt over there,” Krebs said, pointing a soft, callusless finger to a man wearing a “manager” tag, who was actually the owner having to cover, without notice, the closing shift of a feckless assistant manager who called in sick, while laughing to his friends, “the sick PARTY we’re going to tonight!”

“Yup, I won’t rest until this place pays all of its workers the fair, honest wage of $15 an hour every laborer deserves,” Krebs concluded, unaware that the driver of truck that stocked the restaurant’s daily food order that morning actually made over $20 an hour, since his labor added in excess of that amount to the value of the restaurant’s overall operations.

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8 Comments

  1. I owned a retail store that employed 5 part time workers who were all senior citizens who worked to supplement their income and keep themselves “busy.” When California voted last to raise the min. wage to $11. I was forced to sell my store because my own salary kept shrinking with all the mandated costs from local as well as state and Federal government fees, licensing, mandated labor expenses and taxes. I had worked hard to increase sales and by all standards the store was popular and busy but the percentage that I, as an owner was able to pull as personal income, continued to shrink. The new owner laid off two of the 5 employees. She continued to change and cut hours of staff. The store could not operate safely or efficiently operate with less than 4 employees on the floor at any given time. The new owner was optimistic she could operate with less reducing staff to 3 during busy hours and 2 the slower hours. Stock losses grew exponentially while productivity fell with less staff. The store was permanently closed. Minimum wage increases made 5 women unemployed with no future employment opportunity. I sold my store for a well deserved profit and reinvested the money in the stock market and made 30% more annually with my money than if I’d continued to own and operate the store. Federal, state and local governments make small business operation impossible.
    When Democrats say they speak for the small business owner and the people who work in them, they LIE! Democrats did NO FAVORS for my employees nor myself as a business owner. I ABSOLUTELY WOULD NOT EVER RECOMMEND VOTING DEMOCRAT IF YOU WANT TO HELP LOW WAGE EMPLOYEES AND SMALL BUSINESS. Democrats destroy small businesses and big businesses. They can’t keep their hands out of your pocket to build their power and feed government they keep making bigger and bigger.

  2. Maynard Krebs…HAHAHA! This fool stole his name from a character played by Bob Denver, from a show called “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis” a sitcom from the late ’50’s early ’60’s…Yes,I’m that old…

    • I’ve never actually seen the show, I’m just aware of it because I’m a big Bob Denver fan from Gilligan’s Island.

      Anyone seen the Dobie Gillis show recently? I’m wondering how it holds up after all these years…

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