So exactly what was in the balloon?
The whole world — or at least the part of the world that had nothing better to do — was transfixed Thursday by the saga of the boy in the balloon.
First reports said that 6-year-old Falcon Heenes was on board the balloon, and people were horrified at that prospect. When the balloon landed, and the boy wasn’t found, first fears were that he had fallen out.
When he was found hiding in an attic, speculation turned to the whole thing being a hoax.
But there’s one aspect that people are forgetting: since Falcon was not on the balloon, what was?
Many are assuming that it empty. But was it?
Remember that the investigators said they believed the family when they said the boy was on the balloon. Then they believed the family when they said this wasn’t a hoax. They also believed the family’s timeline of events, such as calling 911 when other reports say they first called news outlets. Now, on Saturday, they’re thinking they might need to check out this Heenes family.
Joe Friday and Bill Gannon these guys aren’t.
So, I’m wondering… did these investigators even check out what was in the balloon? Or did they simply say, “Hmm, kid’s not here” and let it go at that. Was something else in that balloon? And, if so, what?
I have some thoughts on what might have been in that balloon:
- The 2009 Nobel Peace Prize ballots
- Amelia Earhart
- Barack Obama’s college transcripts
- The outtakes from the moon landing hoax
- The 1993 Academy Award Best Actress ballots
- Dick Cheney
- CNN credibility
- Apple’s Mac tablet computer
- The Third Secret of Fatima
- Abe Vigoda
- A map of Atlantis
- A map of Atlanta
- Barack Obama’s birth certificate
- Charles Dodgson’s hand-written Jack the Ripper confession
- The Higgs boson
It’s hard to tell how much stuff could be hidden in the balloon, so I’m not sure how many of these items, or what else could have been on board.
There needs to be an investigation.
(26 votes, average: 4.73 out of 5)
Loading ...Tags: Balloon Boy, hoax
October 17th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Anthrax
[Actually, it was Stormtroopers of Death. I confuse them sometimes, too. - B.]
October 17th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
That “balloon” couldn’t have lifted off the ground with a 2 pound weight. Doesn’t anybody watch mythbusters?
[So, Obama's birth certificate weighs more than 2 pounds? - B.]
October 17th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
John Kerry’s origin discharge papers
Rachel MadCow
Harry Reid’s re-election hopes
Carmen Sandiego
Shrillary’s Rose Law firm records
Letterman’s little black book
Jimmy Hoffa
October 17th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
For one deranged father, that balloon was full of “hope” and “change” – proving once again how much those terms are just so much hot air.
October 17th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Michelle Obama’s fashion sense.
And her Buns of Steel workout DVD.
October 17th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Jeremiah Wright has been thrown under the bus.Jeremiah Wright went for a balloon ride.
[That's awesome! A new phrase has entered our language. Thanks! - B.]
October 17th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
≡ A copy of Microsoft Vista
≡ Frank’s Random Thoughts on Oct. 14
≡ Rachel Lucas’ blog
≡ Iwoahawk’s $33.18 prize money
≡ ussjimmycarter
October 17th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Will
Penny
Judy
Major West
Mom
Dad
Dr. Smith
The Robot
October 17th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Marsellus Wallace’s soul.
October 17th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
The Constitution?
Also, I learned what the 3rd Secret of Fatima is and that Debra Winger played CS Lewis’ wife in Shadowlands
October 17th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
It had Obama’s birth certificate and college transcripts. They were trying to get them out of the country…
October 17th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
1) The Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices
that wallet I lost six years ago
2) The formula’s for original and new coke
3) Helen Thomas’ sanity
4) D. B. Cooper
5) all the punctuation missing from over a trillion text messages
6) the 27th letter in the English alphabet
7) the last few minutes of The Sopranos series finale
9) the chapter of Dianetics where Hubbard tells everyone it’s just a joke
October 18th, 2009 at 12:13 am
1. The application papers for statehood of the missing 8 states Obama visited.
2. The confession of the O. J. case murder.
3. The hard copy evidence from the IPCC proving AGW.
4. The missing autopsy jar containing JFK’s brain.
5. 313 legal votes for Coleman in the 2008 MN Senate race.
6. The actual ten commandments that Moses carried down from Mt. Sinai.
7. Democrat wishes for re-election should they pass healthcare reform.
October 18th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Letters to God?
My faith in humanity?
Ten packets of Heinz ketchup?
Signed contract to the new reality show “Pimping My Loved Ones.”
October 18th, 2009 at 6:24 am
Did they mention finding a set of car keys?
October 18th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Good one Sgt Relic
October 18th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
What was in the balloon? Damn sure wasn’t the kid! Turns out the whole thing was just a scam. It just goes to show…you have to pick your scams carefully, and you have to work them with some semblance of professionalism, and you have to have the majority of the media on your side! For example…global warming caused by American hard work and prosperity? Hell yeah! That’s a great money and fame making scam that works like a champ and will make you a fortune if you and a friendly media manage it correctly! Just ask Al Gore if you don’t believe me, he’s been pulling it off for years. On the other hand, kid in a balloon to get your family a TV reality show by completely ‘punking’ the news media? Didn’t work worth a hoot….just ask Richard Heene.
October 18th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Snausages!
October 18th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Ah yes Snausages, consisting of………Wheat Flour
For a doggie treat that presents itself as a twist of beef and cheese sticks, you wouldn’t expect wheat to be the first ingredient listed. Turns out these snacks are closer to soft pretzels than Slim Jims: They’re made mostly of wheat flour and pregelatinized wheat flour — a processed starch that makes food easier to digest.
Corn Syrup, Sugar, Crystalline Fructose
Sugar, sugar, and sugar. Now that the health risks of high-fructose corn syrup are well known, manufacturers have begun to distill the sugar out of it, selling the result as “crystalline fructose.” The health risks are the same. But at least the stuff isn’t too poisonous: Archer Daniels Midland claims that its crystalline fructose contains no more than 1 milligram of arsenic per kilogram. Sweet!
Glycerine
Beef and cheese tend to be naturally moist, but beef and cheese SnawSomes (which look like shiny puppy biscotti) get their appetizing sheen from glycerine.
Beef
Actually, the package merely promises “beef flavor.” According to the FDA, that means beef need only be present in an amount “sufficient to be detected.” And you can bet it’s not going to be filet mignon. The Association of Feed Control Officials defines “meat” in pet foods as “striate muscle which is skeletal or that which is found in the tongue, in the diaphragm, in the heart, or in the esophagus; with or without the accompanying and overlying fat and the portions of the skin, sinew, nerve and blood vessels.” Woof!
Dried Cheese Product
A goulash of milk derivatives containing less than 51 percent actual cheese. Cheese product is generally rejected by nutritionists for use in school lunch programs — something to think about if you treat your pooch like a substitute child.
Soy Protein Concentrate
Because these Scooby snacks are mostly wheat, Del Monte pumps in soy protein concentrate — essentially mashed soybeans with the fats and carbs removed. This brings SnawSomes up to a whopping 4 percent protein — just a touch more than a Twinkie.
Natural Smoke Flavor
Produced by burning wood chips and condensing the smoke into a liquid, this additive creates the illusion that food has been cooked over a flame. A CDC report showed that 92 percent of commercial liquid smoke flavorings contain benzoapyrene, a substance known to cause stomach tumors in animals. Thankfully, there’s not enough here to be a real issue.
Onion Extract and Garlic Powder
A dash of flavor. But take note: Dogs can develop a blood disorder from eating onions or garlic. The amount in a single SnawSomes won’t be harmful, but it’s best to keep Fido from scarfing down the whole package at once…..bon appetit Fido.
October 18th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Scott in OC, The Painted Hills was an outstanding Mystery Science Theater episode. I salute your reference, whether it was intended or not.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:11 am
They should charge them with a federal crime: How about impersonating Obama by using an overinflated balloon full of hot air, going nowhere and accomplishing nothing.
October 19th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Meggie Mac’s 15 minutes of fame
All the peace O-bah-muhh has accomplished to win the Nobel Peace Prize
Democrats’ integrity
All of the Establishment Republicans’ desire for smaller government
All the jobs saved or created by the O-bah-muhh stimulus package
October 19th, 2009 at 9:41 am
zzyzx, that’s why you give your dog McDonald’s cheeseburgers for treats. They’re much closer to food than dog treats. And they don’t come from China. (Unless you’re at a McDonald’s in China I guess).
October 19th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
If I could package cat t*rds as dog treats, I’d make a fortune.
Dancer! Buddy! D*mn dogs! Stay out the the kittie litter!!!