“It is so great for you to come here and help forge friendly relations in Canada, eh.”
“Relations between Canada and America are very important to us,” Bush said as he squinted to at the man’s nametag. “…Prime Minister Paul Martin.”
“Now come and enjoy the vast culture of Canada,” Martin beckoned.
“Canada has a culture?”
Martin paused for a moment. “Sorta. Anyway, follow me to watch our Maple Leaf Dancers do the traditional maple leaf dance to worship the leaf that is the source of our power.”
“Cool. Head on without me and I’ll be there in a minute,” Bush told the Prime Minister. When Martin had left, Bush pulled out his cell phone. “I forget; why am I in Canada?”
“I don’t know,” Condoleezza Rice answered.
“But you are supposed to be my Secretary of State!”
“That’s still Colin Powell, dumbass.”
Martin peeked back in the room at Bush. “Come on! We’re drinking mugs of maple syrup, eh!”
“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Bush said. When Martin left again, Bush dialed another number on his cell phone. “Hey, goober, why am I in Canada?”
“I dunno. It’s just a wasteland full of dumb crackers,” Powell answered, “We hadn’t even confirmed people lived there until just twenty years ago. I never said to go there.”
“If you didn’t, who did?”
“You have to come out, eh!” Martin said, peeking his head in the room again, “A moose wandered onto the field and we’re all staring at him, eh.”
“I’ll be there in a sec,” Bush said. Martin left once more and Bush used his phone again. “Rumsfeld, do you have secret plans to destroy Canada?”
“I have secret plans to destroy all countries… some not so secret.”
“But do you have extra special plans to destroy Canada?”
“No, they’re too close; fallout might hit us.”
“So you didn’t send me here as part of some attack idea?”
“Your actions have no bearing on my war plans,” Rumsfeld growled and then hung up.
“Two Canadians are fighting to the death with hockey sticks in the gladiatorial arena,” Martin called out, “You have to come, eh!”
Bush’s phone started ringing. “I have a call from my wife; I have to take this.” Bush answered the phone. “What is it, honey?”
“Did you pick up the non-low flush toilet from Canada?”
Bush slapped his forehead. “Oh yeah, that’s why I went to Canada. To think I held a conference with the prime minister and everything.”
“You did what?!” Laura exclaimed, “You dumb cracker! You were supposed to grab one of the toilets from the gray market in secret!”
“Don’t worry, honey; I’ll distract everyone and get out of this my usual way.”
“No! Not your usual…” Laura started to say as Bush hung up.
Bush looked around the room. “What to set on fire?”
“We’re going over all of Canada’s historic achievements,” Martin said as he ran in the room, “You should come! It will take less than a minute, eh.”
Prime Minister Paul Martin ran out into the crowd on fire and screaming. “Everyone look how your prime minister is on fire!” Bush called out, “Everyone pay attention to him and not to me…”
“How do you respond to charges that the President set Prime Minister Paul Martin on fire?” a reporter asked.
“People burst into flames all the time for no reason,” White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan answered, “We have documentation to prove that.”
“What about reports that President Bush was seen crossing the America/Canada border carrying a toilet and laughing maniacally?”
“That’s crazy.”
“But you’re not denying it?”
“Any other questions?” Scott inquired, a bit flustered. He looked around the press and pointed to one reporter. “Brainiac, what’s your question.”
“What is the gestation period for a Malayan Tapir?”
“Uh… about 400 days,” Scott answered.
“Muh ha ha ha!” the evil robot laughed as he scribbled notes, “Soon I will know everything about this planet and then destroy it so the knowledge will be mine alone! Muh ha ha ha!”
Scott groaned. “Yes, we all know your nefarious plans, Brainiac. Any other questions?”
“Do you plan to leave this administration like many others are doing?” a reporter asked.
“No, I have no plans to leave and there are no suggestions that I should.”
“I think you should leave,” said another reporter to the nods of many others.
“I hate you guys,” Scott muttered to himself as he took out a candy bar.
Hmmm… I bet Brainiac will show up again… I can’t wait to find out who built him!
See, I thought they were going to try to arrest him for war crimes like they were planning, but I guess that would be a repeat of the Belgium IMW
Braniac vs. Rumsfeld cage match on Pay Per View.
Frank, I enjoy all of your In My Worlds, but this one in particular really tickled my funny bone. I have no idea why. I think it’s because you were making fun of Canada. And Condi called Bush a dumbass. Keep up the good work.
Mike
But where was Celene Dion?
You didn’t make fun of them Cananadians fer speakin’ 2 languages: English, and that FRENCH!
Stares at a moose
The Canadian Govt. has apologized repeatedly for Brian Adams–
Bush does make a rather striking pyromaniac, IMHO. . . .
Stupid Americans, I will send my beaver ninja minions to avenge the hockey lockout eh! Oh, and that silly blog by that hozer, Frank.
I have 2 things to say:
1) I am canadian.
2) You missed out on perfectly good jokes on french canadians, the hilariously low amount of protesters, and the “people waving with all five fingers” joke.
touching on the low flow toilet was very good.
shhhh [looking around] don’t tell anyone [looking around again] I’m glad I don’t have one.
“Now come and enjoy the vast culture of Canada,” Martin beckoned.
“Canada has a culture?”
ROFLMPTO, eh!
Very funny!!! but Bush should be careful about lighting the prime minister on fire after all Canada beat the U.S. in two wars already, 1777 and 1812.
I’ve just recently discovered that Canada has it’s own currency and system of government.
How plucky of them!
Patrick, Canada didn’t become a country until 1867.
Using that logic, can the USA get “credit” for beating Canada in the French and Indian War?
What?
If you’re talking about the BRITISH invasion of Major General Burgoyne’s forces from Canada into American territory during the early part of the Revolutionary War (August 1777), that was nothing for Canada to crow about. Burgoyne’s forces pushed south from Canada for three months into NY but were defeated by American forces at Saratoga in October 1777. Four years later, George Washington accepted Cornwallis’ surrender and America won the war.
Every dumbass Canadian proudly repeats the lie that Canada won the War of 1812 against America, but leaves out the fact that the War of 1812 was mostly BRITISH forces based in Canada fighting on American soil. WHile it’s true that the War of 1812 was precipitated by an uninspired attempt of American forces to invade Canada, a British colony/province that Americans knew would be a springboard for England’s potential invasion of newly-independent America, it was the BRITISH and American diplomats that ended the War of 1812 with no decisive victory on either side. There were no re-drawing of territorial borders and both sides compensating the other.
Gee whiz, I guess anyone with a California driver’s license can be a history teacher at Central Union High School…
I keep using rebuild kits on my toilets. I will use duck tape and JB weld before i upgrade to a low flow..
Gee whiz, I guess anyone with a California driver’s license can be a history teacher at Central Union High School…
You got it. The license (or, if you’re Canadian, licence) doesn’t even have to be valid. You don’t have to be in the country legally or speak English. Just make sure you don’t ever mention God or suggest that the United States might possibly be a better country than, say, Cuba, North Korea, or Iran.
Okay, so, Canada produced Brian Adams; they’ve more than made up for it with Shania Twain!
Heh, “Come and hear about all of Canada’s achievments! It’ll take less than a minute, eh”
Haha. I love IMW’s. (I don’t just heart them, I looooove them) 😉
It’s good to see Brainiac getting work these days. But is it the “green-skinned, pantsless” Brainiac, or the “chrome skull head” Brainiac? Inquiring minds want to know!!!
Canada wasn’t even a country back then. Canada did not become a country until 1867, you know July 1st, 1867?
Canada was an act of British Parliment hence the BNA 1867 (now renamed the Canada Act 1867).
Yes there was an Upper and Lower Canada at that time but it is NOT the same as Canada the country.
Read your GD history. Yeah I know, alot of people will pull stuff outa there rears claiming that Upper Canada is the same as the country of Canada, yawn.
Oh remember that PET attempted to fully severe Canada from the Commonwealth in 1982 (which lead to that horrible Charter of Rights and Freedoms, in which the gummit givetha nd the gummit taketh away)
Canada DID NOT become a country unitl July 1, 1867. Remember.
I know of many that scavenged old toilets from Canada, but you better be careful crossing the border with one – The Michigan / Canada border is closely watched for those illegial toilets. Thanks Algore!
I really liked this line from the real news today “Bush pushes Ballistic Missile participation by Canada to a STUNNED(my caps) prime minister”
I find that hilarious. Absoultely hilarious.
What does “ROFLMPTO” mean, eh? “ROTFLMAO,” I get. But not “ROFLMPTO”.
Nor, for that matter, do I get “IMAO”. But I digress.
Zumkopf
Tolets, another good reason to invade Canada. My Canadian made porcline god is a good model, but it’s starting to show it’s age, and I need a new one soon. Lets invade Canada for some tolets.
I can see the anti-war hippies now.
“No blood for poop!!”
rolling on floor laughing my pinky toe off.
yes, i did that, and i’m also answering your question, zumkopf.
I think you dropped a character….
was that “forge friendly relations with Canada” or was that “forget friendly relations with Canada”?
What no Kids in The Hall reference?
Who’s this Paul Martin guy? The Canadian Prime Minister is Jean Poutine.
LOL ALL CITIZENS OF THE USA ARE FAGS! (unless they repent and leave)