I’m leaving for Texas today to get all married and stuff, and, just in time for the plane flight, I got a copy of The Weapon by Michael Z. Williamson and his first novel, Freehold. I’ll tell you what I think of them after I read ’em. Until then, here’s maybe my last post for a while, the final part of Michael Z. Williamson’s amazing beliefs about guns.

AMAZING BELIEFS PART 5
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

That the NRA is bad for running political activities, but the Million Moron March, stealing money from AIDS research, illegally maintaining tax-exempt status as a 501c(3) organization and fraudulently using a hospital rent-free as its headquarters is good for running political activities.
That Charlton Heston is evil for working for the NRA for free, but Sarah Brady charging $10,000 a speech is a paragon of altruism.
That a ranch rifle made after 1994 is somehow a military rifle.
That all firearms retailers are illegal gun dealers, just like all pharmacists are illegal drug dealers.
That hate is not a family value, but all gun owners are tobacco-chawin’, beer-swillin’, racist, redneck bubbas.
That a gun which sits silently in a drawer and costs pennies per round to shoot is a bad idea for self defense, but a dog that requires walks, veterinary care, and licenses, may not be allowed in certain neighborhoods and may annoy the neighbors at all hours is a good idea for self defense.
That the worst thing one can do if there’s an intruder in the house is get a gun and apprehend them, and the best thing on can do is pretend to be asleep and wait for them to go away, especially if they are raping your children.
That gun control will “keep guns out of the wrong hands,” meaning law-abiding Americans’ hands.
That trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why it makes sense that police officers are exempt from using them on their duty weapons.
That the government attempting to stop the Microsoft “monopoly” is good, and the Federal government pressuring cities to buy guns only from Smith & Wesson is also good, and not monopolistic.
That “assault weapons” have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people, which is why the police need them.
That “assault weapons” are only designed for killing offensively, and the police need them but you do not.
That citizens don’t need to carry a gun for personal protection but desk-bound police administrators who work in a building filled with cops do, as do tax auditors, vegetable inspectors, mail inspectors, and meat inspectors.
That beer-gutted police have special mental, emotional and physical capabilities that enable them to deal with the incredible complexity of a firearm, and private citizens can never hope to achieve such competence.
That the Brady Act and the “Assault Weapons” Ban which both went into effect in 1994 are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates since 1991, and since 2004 when the AWB expired.
That 25% of the dealers at gun shows are unlicensed, and we must license these purveyors of books, tools, knives, clothing, artwork, candy and historical artifacts.
That because of New York’s “tough laws” against guns, there exist black market dealers who spend thousands of dollars in gas and other expenses to drive to Arizona, which has “weak laws” in order to buy Ruger pistols at $500 each retail and drive back to New York and sell them to criminals at an “average” of $50 each, thereby making a profit. (Brady Bunch)
That there’s no contradiction in the same liberals who said in the 60s that 18 year olds who could fight should be able to vote, now saying that 18 year olds can vote but shouldn’t own guns.
That there are “secret lists of gun owners maintained by controversial organizations” such as the KKK and the Black Panthers, and that registration of guns will somehow prevent this. (Potomac-inc.org)
That a person with a gun that isn’t registered is “armed outside the law,” even though no such registration laws exist. (Potomac-inc.org)
That gun owners are all ignorant and stupid, but nevertheless belong to a huge, well-organized conspiracy that exists to destroy the nation. (Potomac-inc.org)
That the weapons that are useless for fighting crime and defending against tyranny or invasion will be the instruments of this dastardly plan. (Potomac-inc.org)
That 10 USC 310 and 10 USC 311 don’t exist.
That suicides involving firearms are “gun deaths” but suicides involving knives are not “stabbing deaths.”
That even though all white vans and Chevrolet Impalas are registered, they couldn’t catch the DC murderers, because only gun registration will stop killings.
That “Weapons of Mass Destruction” in Iraq refers to an intact, armed nuke with a delivery system, but in the US refers to common self-loading rifles.
That an AK-47, designed in 1947 with a maximum effective range of 400 yards, was “designed to pierce police body armor” that didn’t exist until the 1970s at “ranges over 1000 yards.”
That there is a magic force called “kickback” that no one who works with firearms has ever heard of. It does not affect police or soldiers. “Kickback” causes a weapon to recoil, spontaneously aim itself at a loved one and automatically fire and kill them. “Kickback,” while never having been observed, is a huge threat to safety and why “semiautomatic assault weapons” should never be sold to civilians.
That a good liberal opposes letting people use guns to defend themselves and their businesses because of the benefits of crime to police, insurance companies and large corporations who can afford the loss their smaller competitors can’t.
Only a “rightwinger” would support letting an individual engage in self-determination.
That we must ban guns with folding stocks, which have no “sporting purpose,” so criminals can only get fixed stock rifles that are more accurate.
That you should wait until a severe emergency to get a gun, just as you should wait until it rains to fix the roof.
That it is acceptable to overwork interns, who will kill a few patients from fatigue-based carelessness, in order to make them better doctors and save more patients in the long run, but absolutely unacceptable for a law-abiding citizen to shoot anyone, even a rapist or murderer in the act.
That the number of accidental and suicidal deaths by drugs should not be included in statistics, but the number of accidental and suicidal deaths by guns should be.
That even despite that, when the risk of guns is lower than the risk of medical drugs, it’s a “national tragedy.”
That with only 1 chance in 5 of facing violent crime, and 1 chance in 10 of a gun being used defensively, the risk is minimal and gunowners are paranoid freaks, but it is insane not to get immunized against hepatitis, which strikes 1:50,000 people.
That 1:10,000 guns will be used to commit a crime, so we must get rid of them, and only 1:1000 people will have a dangerous reaction to an immunization so we must keep them.
That guns cause crime, even though crime has been shown to drop in areas with higher levels of gun ownership, and to rise where guns are restricted. This is due to “other factors.” We should ignore those other factors and ban guns.
That a gun is a symbolic penis, and the person telling you this is a psychiatrist who drives a BMW.
That we should be scared of the people who own symbolic penises, but not of those who want to chop off all those symbolic penises. (thank you, L. Neil Smith)
That the Patriot Act, allowing the government to obtain library or bookstore records as “an important tool for investigating and intercepting terrorism’ even though they haven’t done so is morally repugnant, but banning assault weapons that haven’t been used in crime IS “An important tool for fighting crime and terrorism.”
That guns in areas of the world like Afghanistan are frequently used in crime, and therefore guns are bad, just like doctors in Afghanistan have a high rate of patient loss, therefore doctors are bad.
That guns don’t cause an increase in crime in low crime areas like Arlington, VA where they are available legally, but do cause an increase in crime in adjoining areas like Washington, DC where they are not available legally. The obvious solution to this is to make them illegal more places, which will make the crime rate go down to the level it is in places where they’re legal.
That it’s important to see that since the UK banned guns, they’ve had almost no crime with guns…er…well.
That some places have no guns, and no murder with guns, just like the US has no cricket bats, and no murder with cricket bats.
That “.50 caliber sniper rifles can bring down an airliner,” and a .50BMG isn’t very accurate.
That a single .50 caliber bullet can bring down an airliner, but the Air Force chooses to waste money on rapid fire 20mm cannon and missiles for this purpose, while the Army prefers missiles such as the Patriot.
That guns are not a good way for your neighbor to defend himself, so you should take them away from him. Or rather, have some other people with guns take them away from him, rather than risk getting hurt by his useless weapon.
That we are a peaceful society, and the way to deal with people who aren’t peaceful is to send police and soldiers to peacefully persuade them with guns, and not resort to violence.
That the “gun show loophole” allows you to go to a gun show and find a federally licensed dealer surrounded by cops and federal agents and 10,000 buyers, who will wink and violate existing federal law by not requiring ID, a form 4473 and a call to NICS before selling you a gun, and neither of you will be arrested for the attempt.
That the “gun show loophole” allows you to go to a gun show and buy other things without a waiting period–like ammo, cleaning kits and books.

(c) 2005 by Michael Z. Williamson. Permission is granted to copy for
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