I was thinking that maybe some people should be Fred Thompson supporters but aren’t. It’s crazy. Maybe they just believe they have to support a candidate who is teh suck and don’t know they have any other choice. So I was thinking I could make a list so that people could realize they really are Fred Thompson supporters and might just not know it yet.
You might be a Fredhead if…
…you blame America last.
…you kinda like it when terrorists are made uncomfortable.
…you think that today’s serious foreign policy issues will take more than hillbilly charm and naiveté to handle.
…you suspect the Iran might actually be up to something.
…you prefer movies where American troops are the good guys.
…you think a Senate majority leader who constantly tells us how things are doomed while a war is still ongoing needs a good bitch-slapping.
…you think it’s great if a murderer finds God, but that doesn’t mean he should be let out of prison.
…you think America’s sovereignty is kinda important.
…you think anyone who talks about how the rich aren’t “paying their fair share” is a whiny little Communist.
…”great hair” is low on your list of presidential requirements.
…you think someone didn’t draw those border lines on a map just for fun.
…call you crazy, but you’d prefer a presidential candidate who actually shares your conservative views.
…you think it’s time someone did something about the hippies.
…you’d like Osama bin Laden’s next video to be him pleading, “Someone please help me!” before he’s pummeled on screen by the U.S. president.
Well, that’s what I came up with so far. If you have some other ways people could tell they might be a Fredhead, put them in the comments.
Do it now!
… You never say “First!!!!!!!” in a comment.
… You think today’s “journalists” deserve to be ridiculed.
I’m all of those things!
“you think someone didn’t draw those border lines on a map just for fun”
If this was 100% true, why does Florida look like America’s wang?
How about ‘if you believe it is your right to own a vault full of super cool weapons’
…. You would prefer America to have a smokin hot first lady….
..or at the very least not have the first lady be a man.
…when you saw a demonstration of how cruel waterboarding was, you wanted it to be used on MORE terrorists.
…you think non-binding resolutions are for sissies.
…. you have punched a hippie
…. you give reasoned responses to your preference in presidential candidate that does not include the words “cool” “Bill” or “Oprah”
….. you don’t wear sunscreen, comfortable in the knowledge that with Fred as your ally… the sun would never dare.
. . . you’d rather visit Chicago or Nashville than San Francisco.
. . . you think that the fact the Europeans do something is a good argument for doing something else.
. . . you’d rather have a burger or a sausage pizza than steamed tofu.
(You mean that I can comment again?-For how long…)
Huckabeekeeps changing his stories…
At least Fred comes up with straight answers and stands by them.
Fred sucks. Most people don’t give a crap about him and they won’t vote for him. Fred is nearly finished. Soon the Fredheads will turn into Sadheads.
…if you’re female and think Fred is sexy as hell!
Every time I hear him speak about politics, I totally understand why he said he was pursued by many women while he was single, and why Jeri wants him. There’s just something indescribably attractive about a guy who doesn’t filter what he says through fear of negative reaction.
Starfish: “Fred sucks.”
Well, there’s one starfish I won’t be able to throw back in the sea when the tide pulls out… you can’t throw them all…
…you think the best way to detain a terrorist is as fertilizer
…the best way to answer Maureen Dowd is with 000 buckshot
…You think Chuch Norris is a pale immitation of FDT
…that we should spare animals and use hippies for medical experiments instead
…then eat the animals
…think Al Gore should be given a lesson on true global warming by shooting his planet-size arse into the sun
…you believe that Christmas celebrates Christ’s birthday, not a sale at Macy’s.
…you approve when a murderer turns to Jesus, but like the idea of introducing them face-to-face with a flip of the switch.
…you think “Borders” mean a solid wall, not a latte-sipping bookstore.
…you shoot first and then ask questions IF you’re in the mood.
…Michael Moore came to your hometown and you shot the tires out on his limo with a 12 gauge.
…when Hillary looks at you, she flees in terror.
…Ditto for Edwards.
…you have a T-Shirt babe for a wife.
…you think low taxes and dead terrorists are kind of sexy.
…you think it’s great a murderer finds God while in prison and want to make an introduction at the first possible moment.
…you like seeing a man storming into the UN with a bottle of whiskey and a Bowie knife while The Ride of the Valkyries blares in the background.
…your favorite lunchmeat is the flesh of your enemies.
… Your favorite interrogation technique is known as “the Jimmy Hoffa”
… You can’t wait to see August 9 proclaimed as “National Punch a Hippie day”
… You are more interested in electing a President who wants to change America for the better, than electing a personality who wants to be President
… You don’t give a damn about Oprah
… You liked the Conan movies but thought Arnold looked a little wimpy.
… You know that Hillary doesn’t take a crap without a plan.
…you require suspension of disbelief (and some alcohol) to believe a Democrat.
You might be a Fredhead if…
…you like flirting with Men in airport bathroom stalls
…you are a brainless twit
…you think Bush is fabulous and a hot stud
…you enjoy ridicule and defeat
…you think America should be run by giant corporations
…you think Castro is the biggest threat in the entire Universe
…you like loser presidents
…you never graduated from high school
…you love the extremely liberal idea of helping out foreign countries like Iraq
…you would rather help Iraq’s children than poor starving babies in your own country
…you want our troops to suffer
…you get a kick out of doing stupid things
…you are pathetic
…you are a lamo
…you hate Planet Earth
…and you think the bitch he should be slapped with is the Speaker of the House.
…To you, “raising your hand” means bringing the sights up to eye level.
…you think it’s great if a murderer finds God, but you’d rather help him meet God face to face. Soon.
…dwight swallows hard every time he sees Fred. Hell, dwight just swallows. Hard.
Sorry, #22 was me.
And dwight still swallows.
You might be Dwight-the-Troll if:
…you drool an extra lot while watching John Edwards speak.
…you will never, ever get an STD because absolutely no other human would ever touch your drool-covered body.
…your keyboards always go on the blink due to excessive amount of drool dripping into them.
…when they see you coming, others always say, “Hey, look, here comes old Droolie.”
…Socialism is so sexy that it makes you… yep, drool!
Starfish, your mom called and she is upset with Hoover for Trademark infringement over “sucking” but it’s ok…she said your father was 1) probably employed because he had cash and 2) was at least at 98.6% at some point…
C’mon Dwight – you gonna take that from everybody? Fight back – I know you can do better than the Limey. Teach us all why Fred is awful!!
Of course dwight’s going to take it from everybody.
He’ll take it all.
Just like last night.
Any time I see someone calling a person’s supporters names (hi Dwight!) it reminds me that the person is afraid that the supporters are right about the person they support.
Otherwise they’d be arguing about the actual, you know, policies and positions of the person in question.
“You’re stupid and smelly because you like so-and-so” is a pretty weak political statement.
… You know that Hillary doesn’t take a crap without a plan.
#17 – Posted by: Veeshir on December 20, 2007 03:11 PM
My esteemed Veeshir, you forgot the rest of this if:
…You Know that Hillary doesn’t take a crap without a plan, and a major tax increase.
Hehe that Dwight, what will he come up with next?
I’m flattered he keeps coming back.
You’re a good man Dwight, no matter what they say at your parole hearing.
I might have stolen this, but I’m going in anyway Captain.
… You think more bros should be tased.
And Petey, you’re absolutely correct. I messed up. Thanks for the spell check.
I was with you most of the way. But I think the president really needs good hair. Sorry.
Romney ’08
Hey losers,
This is the Real Fred Thompson. He’s a loser scrooge chrony!.
re: Dwight —
wow — my man Fred(!) can freakin’ dance. w00t.
BTW, anyone know what a “chrony” is? Is that some sort of new alloy, or does “he” just not have that whole typing one-handed thing down yet?
His keyboard, guys… it’s his keyboard. I think he meant to say “crony” and his drool-damaged keyboard added an “h.”
Is the dancing Scrooge thing because Fred used to be a greedy lobbyist? He probably would screw Americans over in favor of big companies but that’s pretty typical of Republican politicians.
Yeah! Dwight’s bitch is right! And they stole Christmas.
I guess it never occurs to these morons that the “evil big corporations” employ a lot of people? Give me an entry-level position at a corporation over schlepping organic fruit at the local co-op anyday.
In my Soviet days, “big companies” and “giant corporations” were always condemned in our history textbooks. I am absolutely amazed at the morons who live in the US, owe their welfare to the big, as well as the small, business, and do the old Soviet thing. Stupid idiots.
I guess it never occurs to these morons that the “evil big corporations” employ a lot of people?
They employ more and more of their people overseas while screwing over and overcharging U.S. citizens all with the help of the current administration.
this should be a t-shirt…hint hint
I am absolutely amazed at the morons who live in the US, owe their welfare to the big, as well as the small, business, and do the old Soviet thing.
There’s a big difference between capitalism and being pro-business which is what we generally like in the USA and cronyism which is how the Bush Administration and giant multinational corporations are working together to screw over middle class America. You can bet your lame ass candidate Fred “Lobbyist” Thompson would be on the side of the huge multinationals. And you can bet Fred “Lobbyist” Thompson would frequently poop on ordinary citizens to give the big multinationals anything they want just like Bush does.
Don’t you mean “chronyism”, bitch?
So you never make mistakes?
“Your don’t have” – nice grammar you Fred loving flake.
And Simon, explain how, exactly they “employ more and more of their people overseas while screwing over and overcharging U.S. citizens all with the help of the current administration“. I’d like to hear you explain it.
Ooh! Dwight! You got me!
Little bitch.
Dwight = teh lame!
Is this the new ‘Sarcasmjerk?’
You abhor cowboy diplomacy – MOABs are better than six guns anyway.
#41, SimonL:
I’m going to try to put a thought into your tightly closed brain-housing-group, okay?
I know it will hurt to do it, but try very hard to think about it. Don’t let Dwight’s drool gum up your works.
Ready? Okay: corporations run screaming from America because– as Fred has pointed out– we have one of the very highest corporate tax rates in the world. It’s survival, you see. Corporations are like any other entity in that they want to survive.
Want loyalty from businesses? Then stop screwing them with socialism!
See? Now that didn’t hurt too much, did it?
#50 —
Don’t forget Union corruption and arrogance. Constant demands for higher and higher incomes for (in some cases) relatively small amounts of work, along with unreasonable demands for compliance with idiotic beaurocracy has had no small part in chasing companies overseas.
r2streu: I was trying to give it to them slowly… I think truth in large quantities is fatal to them.
Very good point, though!
You might be a Fredhead if:
— you expect the gov’t to secure the border and protect the country rather than give you a free pony
— you believe the freedoms you enjoy should extend to stockholders, CEO’s, and small businessmen, rather than being envious of their successes and wanting to destroy them with taxes and regulatory burdens
— your idea of freedom isn’t self-contradictory, like making your next door neighbor so free of gov’t scrutiny in the name of privacy than he could kill you without any gov’t official, such as a policeman or FBI agent, knowing it
While I like Fred, I don’t think I qualify to be a Fredhead.
See I think Fred is Ronald Regan reincarnated which sounds really good…..until I say:
Freds the Ronald Reagan at the end of 1988 not the Start of 1980- likes naps, a bit loopy. I’m just sayin’!
Atta boy Devil_Dog, one shot – one kill!
Semper Fi
Guess I’m a Fredhead after all…
Capitalist_B…Can I still have the pony too?
I mean, with the secure border and all, then I can keep track of it!
Fred Thompson = Enron. Many of the big multinational corporations make clever use of offshore accounts and pretty much pay zero taxes. Think of Bush’s extremely close buddies at Enron when you think of Fred. Fred is very much like Bush in this way and very much like the Enron folks. He sucks. Fred is Teh Enron.
.. that the only video you want to see on terrorists is from the camera of a Predator before they disappear in a flash.
.. that Harry Reid proves that some kids weren’t beat up enough on the schoolyard playground
.. that affairs in the White House should be political in nature, not extramarital
.. that environmentalism should start with reducing government paper wasted on printing non-English documentation.
“Many of the big multinational corporations make clever use of offshore accounts and pretty much pay zero taxes”
You mean like Clinton Inc.?
There should not be ANY corporate taxes at all. Nor should there be any income taxes.
Viva la FAIR TAX!!
“Think of Bush’s extremely close buddies at Enron”
Who, like Ken Lay?
The guy who spent more time in the Lincoln Bedroom during Clintoon’s admin than any other overnight visitor??
Yeah, the shit hit the fan during President Bush’s admin…but do you seriously think the
Enron debacle came about in a year? Two years??
Dipshit.
And yet li’l Simon hasn’t answered my question. It’s to be expected since he doesn’t know what the f**k he’s talking about in the first place.
“Fred Thompson = Enron” is the same type of default nonsense when when losing an argument as saying “George Bush = Hitler”. It doesn’t have to make sense; it just has to be noisy & stupid, which is the hallmark of any liberal.
And Dwight-bitch, look up “your” in a dictionary. Then look up “chrony”. Now, which one is actually a word?
Stupid bitch.
Dwight is irritating like a rash. He is most likely red and blotchy and if you scratch him, he gets more annoying and causes more problems. I think we should just ignore him and his ilk and they will eventually go away.
Wait, maybe he is more like an unruly obnoxious fat kid I think we need to smack him and take away his chocolate.
Either way, his half truths and mindless blathering provide some comic relief.
…you’d much prefer to wear your own hat until you can claim the one that says CIC on it.
…you’d much prefer to wear your own hat until you can claim the one that says CIC on it.
(Sorry about the double post. Just washed my hands and can’t do a thing with them.)
neocon cowgirl:
you are free to buy your own pony with your own hard-earned money that we didn’t tax away from you to give a pony to somebody else more “deserving.”
which proposes an opposite:
you might not be a Fredhead if. . .
. . . you were rooting for the grasshopper in the tale of the ants and the grasshopper
Looks like I am a 100% Fredhead!