Steven Crowder on government efficiency:

Apparently, this is his last video with PJTV, but he plans to continue to put out a video every week.

This is just a test post. If you are not me, ignore this. If you are me, I’d like to use this time to tell you how much I admire you. I mean really; I’m just in awe of you. Wow. I don’t know how you do it.

Cross-Posted at America is an Obamanation!

You know how liberals were complaining over and over about the Patriot Act during the Bush years? Well, now they just quietly renewed it with a voice vote (“quietly” and “voice vote”; that’s a bit of an oxymoron). Anywho, there are obviously some jokes here. You can go after the Patriot Act in general and its invasion of privacy and elimination of rights, as that’s a well excepted trope thanks to all the whining about it (might want to work in a reference to libraries). You can also go after the hypocrisy of the Democrats; the “spying on people without warrants” thing they complained about suddenly seems likes its best feature now that they’re in power. There’s also the whole hypocrisy angle of Obama basically just doing everything he complained about Bush doing.

Here’s what I came up with, though:

The Patriot Act was quietly renewed by the Senate; the Democrats removed their objections to it when they realized that, despite its name, it doesn’t involve any actual patriotism.

That’s a well accepted trope among Republicans/conservatives (and even some moderates): Democrats don’t like patriotism. And I made a connection people don’t normally make but would instantly recognize; when people hear “Patriot Act” they usually think “surveillance” not “patriotism.” One method of humor is to basically come up with a statement you want to make, and then do it as obliquely as possible, connecting things people wouldn’t normally connect right away. And try to do it in as few words as possible; brevity isn’t quite the soul of wit, but it helps.

So see if you can make a better joke and maybe even come up with a better angle of attack.

So they passed a jobs bill. Some conservatives seem upset by it, as it is, of course, pretty useless, but it costs like $15 billion, which is pretty much a drop in the bucket these days (but ask for a few million to make us more competitive at curling and suddenly that’s too much money). Unemployment is a big problem right now, but not so big that the president doesn’t feel like he can’t just waste a bunch of time on a health care bill no one is asking for before doing some piddling crap jobs bill.

Instead of just talking about creating jobs in general, Obama is always going on about how he wants to make more green jobs. He even hired like a communist to be in charge of that. But I don’t think anyone really knows what that’s supposed to be. It’s like carbon credits, and they even have a whole market for those in Europe, even though that’s kinda like trading futures on pixie dust. I mean, there’s a bubble that’s one day going to burst when someone finally asks, “So what the hell are we exactly trading?”

Anyway, I have some advice for Obama. He doesn’t really seem to be getting much done in the way of jobs — green or otherwise — so why not tout his advances in the area of green unemployment? With so many fewer people driving cars and so many abandoned offices in which the power was shut off, think of just how green this massive unemployment is. Double-digit unemployment has got to put a big dent in global warming; I bet polar bears are celebrating right now. Obama should give a speech saying, “I keep messing up the economy to preserve our environment for the future. You should all thank me for not having clue what I’m doing, you dumb stupids!” And isn’t the environment more important than people’s livelihoods? The polls will probably say “No”, but what does the public know? Am I right?

There’s been indication that President Obama is already gearing up for the 2012 campaign. Since I like being helpful, I thought I’d try to come up with a new slogan for him to use.

OBAMA 2012 SLOGANS

“Training wheels are off.”

“I beg of you: Let me be clear!”

“I get it now! Really!”

“Create or save the most important job of all: Mine.”

“You can’t dump me now; I haven’t finished eating my waffle.”

“You don’t want the weirdos in my cabinet loose on the street, do you?”

“This community is still disorganized!”

“All the media says I’m very smart.”

“Time to shoot for B++.”

“I did everything right; you’re just all stupid.”

“Please! They told me if I ever came back to Chicago, they’d break my knees!”

“Didn’t you see how I won in Iraq?”

“I protected you from pirates.”

“Come on! I still haven’t gotten an accomplishment!”

“Have a heart, people; you know how the job market is right now.”

“Think of my children; you know how hard it is for them to have to switch schools. Don’t hate children.”

“Next time I’m talking behind your back to elitists from San Francisco, I’ll say nice things.”

Sometimes I’m think something is a great story for a joke, but then I realize the premise is already too funny so there’s no point in adding to it. For example:

People are comparing Obama’s foreign policies to those of Jimmy Carter, and Carter is offended.

That’s pretty perfect as is, but you can try turning it into a joke if you want.