A memo said the TSA may block websites with controversial opinions. The TSA has backed off of that since, but I don’t want to risk IMAO traffic so I’m going to try to avoid controversial opinions in the future. So here are some opinions you will NOT be seeing at IMAO:
* Kittens are better than puppies.
* All supernatural creatures should sparkle.
* By far, Godfather III was the best of the Godfather movies.
* Everything should come in clamshell packaging.
* In a fair fight, pirates would beat ninjas.
* The best flavor jellybean is coconut.
* We shouldn’t let Hitler ruin the Charlie Chaplin mustache for everyone.
* The best movie reviewer: Armond White.
* In a fair fight, zombies would beat robots.
* The internet is officially over.
* The Star Wars prequels were superior in every way to the original trilogy.
* The next manned space mission should be to Venus.
* The best cell service provider: AT&T.
* Aquaman is stronger than the Hulk.
“The best flavor jellybean is coconut.”
Even in jest there is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING even slightly or remotely funny about coconut jellybeans. Dante needs to add another circle for the a–hole that thought them up.
But we can still talk about putting nano-bots into baby formula in order to raise a generation of pro-American super heroes right?
* New Coke beats Old Coke
* The McRib was the best fast food idea ever !!!
* The iPad is totally affordable.
* Lost in Space was way so much better than the new Battlestar Galatica
* Leonardo DiCaprio makes a far better James Bond then Sean Connery.
Pirates would eat ninjas for breakfast. Pirates are willing to use guns. Ninjas are not. Are they like MacGyver?
Unlike ninjas, pirates can operate in the day and at night. They are better fighters than ninjas in the day, and the blackness of night only adds to the terror of the pirate’s “ARRRR” and the shrill shriek of the parrot.
* Kittens are better than puppies.
Oh, oh, that’s gonna get Mr. Mancuso upset!
* By far, Godfather III was the best of the Godfather movies.
All I can say is good thing you live in Idaho, saying that is a flogging offense here in Florida.
* Aquaman is stronger than the Hulk.
Maybe the Sparkly Girly-Man Hulk, but the real Hulk will turn Aquaman into chum. By the way, wasn’t Aquaman the first Sparkly super-hero? Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
*IMAO is funnier than Scrappleface
ARRRR, Mr. Mancuso, me likes the cut of your jib.
ARRRR, back in the day when I used to sail the Spanish Main me and the lads on me ship, The Puking Barnacle, we plundered many a ninja ship. Those scalliwags never had any guns so it was always an easy plunder. We’d send our parrots flying over to freeze their landlubber blood with their shrill shrieks which sounded a lot like Hillary Clinton shrieking. That’s a blood curdling sound if I ever heard one. How she must have shrieked when she found out about the intern and the cigar. Anyhow, We’d then dispatch those ninjas to Davey Jones Locker and take their ship and sell it for rum. ARRRR! Great times…
Obama not Neo is the one!
Seriously though, since the left is stating to be dismissive that their was any such “one or messiah” talk someone really needs to put together a great youtube vid of hundreds of clips with him involved and it being said.
Would it be to controversial if I stopped capitalizing obamas name? Is their anything lower then lowercase? Genocoidal Socialist case?
But Chuck Norris could kick both ninja and pirate butt, and have enough energy left over to whip The Hulk. Before he eats breakfast.
So what’s wrong with AT&T?
The new Darren did a passably better acting job than the old Darren. And witches always sparkle.
So does that mean we only get non-controversial topics like:
biden is a moron, but entertaining.
that marxist in the White house is a moron, and not the least bit entertaining.
If a Pirate stubs his toe, a Ninja loses an eye.
If Chuck Norris stubs his toe a Pirate dies.
All good non-controversial topics but not ones for generating desent.
Kerry B, “So what’s wrong with AT&T?”
Can you —————- ow?
* John Kennedy founded NASA to create international cooperation and fellowship with Muslims.
Just to make a noncontroversial statement, it might work better if you didn’t have a tarp over you.
That was YOU?
We shouldn’t let Hitler ruin the Charlie Chaplin mustache for everyone. Very true…but when it comes to evil, brutal dictators (with a moustache) no one beats Joseph Stalin….no one.
The original Stars Wars trilogy is waaaaay better than the prequels, JERK!
Son of Bob: you found somewhere were AT&T works, even badly? What dimension were you in?
Infidel, I am glad to hear of your exploits. I will need work when global warming sends water everywhere and makes Kevin Costner look smart and not like an egotistical nutcase. Can I work on the Puking Barnacle?
#12 PlentyofBailouts: That statement about Chuck Norris is absolutely flatly false. When Chuck Norris’s toe comes into contact with something, even if he’s not doing a roundhouse kick, that item gets the hurt, not the toe. D’uh!
How about Chris Matthews is an idiot?
What is MSNBC’s Chris Matthews Thinking? http://mittromneycentral.com/2010/07/07/what-is-msnbcs-chris-matthew-thinking/
Once you watch this video, you’ll be wondering the same thing. It’s baffling.
Conspicuously absent from the list of banned sites was any mention of ‘adult’ sites.
Oh well, perhaps it’s best that the federal bureaucrats spend their time ******* with their computers instead of ******* with us?
Oh wait, the list Did ban excessively violent (even cartoon violent) sites; so I guess that means animated Japanese schoolgirl bondage tentacle rape cartoons would be excluded.
(Not that I’d know anything about such things… har-umph!)
Conspicuously absent from the list of banned sites was any mention of ‘adult’ sites.
Oh well, perhaps it’s best that the federal bureaucrats spend their time ******* with their computers instead of ******* with us?
Dang! I tried to rein that last one back in, but I didn’t catch it in time.
Sorry, folks!
Look, I agree with most of what you say. However, I CANNOT STAND BY while you even ACKNOWLEDGE that the Star Wars prequels were even within the same BALLPARK as the original three. I don’t even care if you’re kidding, my brain just mildly imploded with anger.
Boys, debating the merits of the various Star Wars movies is not elevating your own coolness factors. Just stop yourselves before you humiliate all of us with some sort of contest to see who has the best doll, I mean Action Figure.
I don’t have any of the “dolls” of which you speak, however I do have a kickass DL44 Blaster airsoft pistol I custom made myself.
You’re not thinking big, Frank. Go for some really controversial opinions:
If you raise taxes on things people want to do, people might stop doing them.
If someone can’t stop himself from raping women and killing children, maybe we should execute him so we can be really, really sure he’ll stop doing it.
If you’re going to passively stand around and wait for an oil company to clean up its spill, maybe you should wait until later to bilk them out of billions of dollars.
Sarah Palin has a pretty face, nice looking legs and an awesome rack, plus when she sets out to get something done it usually gets done. (Obama just has a pretty face.)
If other countries are sending their sick people over to our country in droves to receive medical care…maybe we should hang on to our health care system rather than emulating theirs.
If I go to Hooters for lunch some people might get mad at me, but those people tend to be female, and ugly looking, and have lots of ideas about what I should & shouldn’t do, be really bossy & unpleasant. Did I say they were ugly? And if I go there there are nice lookin’ skinny girls with pretty legs young enough to be my daughter, lots of tasty cold bear and hot wings. So I think I’ll go.
If a burglar starts breaking into my house, I can rely on myself and my sidearm or I can rely on 911. How about I dial 911 and then use my sidearm until people show up? That seems like the best idea, I think I’ll go that route.
To quote Ronald Reagan: “If there’s gonna be a blood bath, let’s get it over with.”
Vuvuzelas should be an accepted orchestra instrument.
Vuvuzela Hero
The sky is blue.
King of the Hill is offensive to human beings.
Reality shows are the opiate of the masses.
Michael Moore is an ungrateful pile of manure (10 lb in a 5 lb paper sack)
The current resident of 1400 Pennsylvania Ave. is an incompetent, useless, illegal alien
and last but not least
Joe Biden’s brain was left to medical science, unfortunately they dry cleaned it and put it back. (backwards and upside down) Explains a lot, doesn’t it.
*Chris Matthews spouts too much unsubstantiated blather and cheerleading,
and should be replaced with a more serious newsman,
like Larry King, or Billy Bush.
Neoconservaterian: Did you base the DL-44 off an existing Mauser C-96 airsoft I was somehow unaware existed? If so, I need one of each…
I can’t believe you losers are engaged in such silliness while the rest of the nation waits… Where will LeBron go? That’s all we really care about! We can’t wait for the 1 hour spectacle tonight…that’s what really matters! We can’t be bothered with all this other stuff right now until we know the answer to that question! I can’t even sleep right now because I need to know!
Jared, when I go to either an Iowa Hawkeyes or Minnesota Vikings game and some dick brings a Vuvuzelas, it’s going home with him where he will need to fart to play it!
Obama and Clinton really do think that by giving Byrd a pass on the KKK that a surge in KKK membership will lead to us to no longer being cowards when it comes to discussing matters of race.
* We are not doing this because Stone Cold said so.
“In a fair fight, Zombies would beat robots.” Zombies would beat the clueless wonders who elected Obama.
@Cilla: That’s the win. I’d say we’d have a prob keeping score because it would be very hard to tell who was on which side.
* Arabs are rocket scientists.
Oh, come on. Noah Antwiler and Doug Walker are the best movie reviewers.
Also, ninjas would beat pirates any day.
Marko said: “Can I work on the Puking Barnacle?”
ARRR! it just so happens I am in need of a couple of blood thirsty scalliwags for me next plundering cruise. A couple of the lads thought taking some of the Captain’s share of the rum was a good idea, but me trusty parrot Killer Bob was on duty and gauged their good eye out before I fed them to the sharks. I bet those two are rethinking the error of their ways as they rattle their bones around Davy Jones’ locker, ARRR! You look like an experienced sea salt yourself and it would be an honor to have you raping and a plunderin’ on The Puke, as we affectionally call her.
Just go to the Port of Miami and follow the smell, The Puking Barnacle isn’t hard to find. ARRR, and while your there, you’ll see our next victims, we’re raiding the cruise ship circuit next. Plenty of rum to seize and lasses to satisfy our pirating needs!
Sounds like a good plan to me PI but as yo u know, in this day and age of government bureaucracy ya gotta have a permit ta do all that stuff…ya gotta permit?? Oh, and Cilla…zombies ARE the clueless wonders who elected Obama.
Permits? I don’t have no permits! I don’t need no steenkin’ permits! ARRR, I’m a blood thirsty pirate, can’t you tell by the way I say ARRR all the time? How would I look like if I go crawlin’ to some land lubber asking permission to perform me God given right to plunder the high seas? Arrr, why, even Killer Bob, me trusty parrot, would gouge me one good eye out if I did that. I may go to that land lubber permit guy, but it’s to put me cutlass to his neck and tell him to say HI to all the scalliwags I’ve dispatched to Davey Jones’ locker, by gum. ARRR again!
Thoughts – as they came to me:
– The Puking Barnacle is by far the best name for a sailing vessel ever. Sadly it also is a good description of the problem in the Gulf – ruining a lot of the funny in the former part of this thought.
– Knowing that Zombies are in search of brainz wouldn’t they disinterested in Liberals because they obviously haven’t any?
– So that’s why Biden is exempt from the zombie disinterest – actually the Biden drycleaned backwards/upside down brain seems to describe most of congress.
– Can I get the “resident at 1400 PA ave, DC is a useless illegal immigrant” on a bumper sticker or t-shirt
– Am I the only one who thinks that the ‘fart to play the vuvuzela’ statement above really could be read one of two ways depending on the gender of the person being impaled upon the item in the first place? And why in hell would you name a musical instrument something like a genetic accident between a Volvo, a uvula and a kazoo??
Last thought – maybe I should focus harder on sleep rather than reading IMAO to try & fall asleep…or rather than thinking in general. That way I too shall be exempt when the zombies take over.
If you REALLY want to start a catfight, take a side in the Edward vs. Jacob debate in a roomful of women, and watch the fur fly!
I once took my parents to a sea food restraunt called The Rusty Pelican.
As we approach the front door my dad asked, “What’s the name of this place? The Crippled Penguin?”
Ah, good times!
The Crippled Penguin – if I ever have a boat, that’s what I’d name it.
Doesn’t the ‘useless illegal immigrant’ reside at 1600 PA Ave?
You know, that place with the confusing windows and no bust of Winston Churchill?