The US Department of Agriculture tweeted out a link to a webpage that teaches people how to shop for food with such advice as “make a grocery list”.
Bet they got a lot of complaints that the government refuses to make out the list for them.
The US Department of Agriculture tweeted out a link to a webpage that teaches people how to shop for food with such advice as “make a grocery list”.
Bet they got a lot of complaints that the government refuses to make out the list for them.
A Grocery list! That’s what I’ve been doing wrong all these years.
AP-May 22: Due to the large number of people who have complained that the government refuses to make out a grocery list for them, the Obama Administration today announced a new federal department will be formed to make lists for people too lazy or stupid to make their own grocery lists. A spokesperson said many poor and minority people are unable to make their own grocery lists because they can not afford paper or pen while many others are too busy sleeping or watching TV to take the time to make a list. The new department is to be called the Department of Grocery and Shopping Lists and will be funded by further cuts to the military. A cabinet level secretary will be named to head up the new department as soon as the president receives a list of proposed appointees.
I shall put it on my list of things to do.
Having made grocery lists mandatory, Democrats howled in indignation when a Republican governor required that all shoppers entering a supermarket show their lists. “This is an unconstitutional infringement on the shopping rights of those for whom society has made it difficult to obtain lists.”
It’s actually being coordinated with EPA. The latter Agency is trying to get people to use the reverse side of the previous week’s supermarket receipt as a new shopping list in order to reduce garbage in landfills (which lead to global warming, as you know). The project is called After Purchase Receipt Recycling Into Lists. They even made a grant to a non-profit called the Foundation for Outstanding Organized Living. The effort is called APPRIL-FOOL among DC bureaucrats.
The government would love to mandate what people buy at the grocers. The Affordable Grocery Act would mandate quantities and tax those who do not spend enough at the market or purchase food items in the approved proportion of meats, grains, and vegetables.
@ Thomas Martin: Your scenario is all too plausible. Your crystal ball is working perfectly.
Instead of a “czar,” they would appoint an AGA Khan.
Step 1:Round up all your EBT cards and arrange them in order from least free money to most still available.
Step 2: Call a cab and get a free ride to the grocery store. If there are no cabs available, call 911 and say you’re having a heart attack, then be sure to demand they take you to a hospital near the grocery store. If they refuse, threaten to sue them.
Step 3: Tell the doctor you’re feeling much better and leave the hospital, if anyone tries to stop you, see step 2.
Step 4: Once at the grocery store, find yourself an electric cart. If none are available, see step 2.
Step 5: Fill your cart with the most expensive items in the store, take your time and feel free to block the aisles.
Step 6: Once at the check out (some people call it a cash register, lol) demand that a store employee remove your items, if they refuse, see step 2.
Step 7: When asked to pay for your items, find the first EBT card in the stack and wave it around so everyone can see what it is. That way, they can feel good about themselves and the government, knowing that they’re helping someone who’s less fortunate.
Step 8: When the store employee informs you that there is not enough available benefits on the card, give them the next card in the stack. If they dare to question why you have more than one, see step 2.
Step 9. Repeat steps 7-8 until done. Don’t forget to get CASH BACK!! Those cigarettes and lottery tickets don’t pay for themselves!
Step 10: Demand they call you a cab and if they refuse, see step 2. While you’re waiting, feel FREE to wire some money to the 3rd world hellhole of your choice.
Also known as a Deng Xiaoping list.