I was going to tell a filthy lie to defame Taranto for endorsing Scrappleface and sending unknowledgeable Best of the Web readers to vote for him like some Rock the Vote scam, but the truth I found was even more devastating. I looked on a map, and guess what I saw?
Taranto is in Canada! That’s right; Taranto must be a hideous, misshapen, inbred, nigh-retarded Canadian (apologies to all my Canadian readers). Like all Canadians, he lives by latching on to maple trees like a lamprey and sucking out the maple syrup (but not my Canadian readers; they’re not freaks). He mispronounces “about”, ends every sentence in “eh”, and only like Scrappleface because he tells jokes about hockey – the only thing Canadians understand (‘cept for my Canadian readers; they’re smart). Yes, Taranto is a freakish, dimwitted, filth-covered Canadian who fears rain as if it were an angry god (but all my Canadian readers are good chaps, really!).
The more important question, though, is why does the WSJ so want IMAO to lose in the Weblog Awards as to deploy their Best of the Web against it? Have they all shorted IMAO stock? Does IMAO have stock?
Or do they just fear my power? Whatever it is, they must be defeated! Vote IMAO everyday until the contest ends on December 12th and get everyone else to vote as well!
preemption
We need some Diebold-rigged election machines and we can lock this thing up.
Now I know you’re Ted Rall.
Eh, I have to agree with you there, Frank. Those of us canucks who don’t read you can just go take off, eh! They’re all hosers!
Canada is very useful. It allows 19-year-old Detroiters to legally get drunk.
They also provide many fine hockey players, but I’m afraid that is not helpful this year.
Hockey? What the hell is that?
Also socialized medicine.
Also socialized medicine.
Also I suck.
Hockey is that neat game where guys go around and beat each other with sticks. When the sticks fail them, they go around and beat each other with fists.
dang canukistans (not pointed at any of franks readers)
Hey everyone. I’m new. Found you through Michelle. I’m a Canadian (don’t know if I fall into the good chap category since I just started reading…). I’m pretty much clueless. I have been living in Japan for almost a decade and just got my own computer 5 months ago.
This blog is very funny although I don’t get all the jokes.
What does ‘diebold’ mean?
Diebold is a company that built voting machines for the election. Insane liberals were convinced that the machines were all rigged to give the election to Bush. This was proven to be true last month when Bush won, because obviously, no sane person could possibly ever vote for Bush. Not even in the reddest of the red states. Um… wait…
(smacks self upside head)
Oh, sorry about that. Common sense has been restored.
and saying it makes liberals froth at the mouth.. its fun to watch.. but dont worry.. like most liberals.. they can be scared away with facts..
Got carried away, Rasberrybush. Don’t know if that helped or not…
NCO Guy also forgot to mention that the Diebold machines were made by Haliburton, the most hideous and evil corporation on the face of the earth to liberal wankers.
Thanks Army NCO Guy. I just realized that I’m supposed to put in my email address.
I do have another question. What is WSJ?
Wall Street Journal.
Thanks Frank J.
Diebold evil! Helliburtonoilwar! Repugnican attack machine! Jesusland will be conquered by peace-loving Muslims! Bushchimpler is Hitler!!!!!!!
Hang on folks, I’ll handle this. If I can just get some help from Chomps.
“CHOMPS!”
(gets out of the way)
Hang on folks, I’ll handle this. With a little help from Chomps.
“CHOMPS!”
(gets out of the way)
GRRRRR! Stupid error messages messing up my comment!!!!! Make me mad! Chomps, while you’re at it, get that evil error message. Chomps? Chomps, stop eating the hippie. At least wash him off first.
Yeah, those error messages are happening all the time. Assume it was posted if you see it.
Not Toronto, Taranto. Taranto is in Italy. Not that that changes any of the rest of your rant. Just substitute “Italy” and “Italian” for “Canada” and Canadian” and it still works fine… well, except for the Maple, “aboot,” hockey and “eh” comments… Hmm. I guess that pretty well does in most of your post, after all, although the “freakish, dimwitted, filth-covered” portion could certainly apply if you want.
Deal with Tony Soprano on your own time if you do, though.
I knew Taranto was Canadian. It almost sound like Toronto!!
Besides, he ends all his articles with “Take off, eh.” Just like the Mackenzie brothers.
RightWingDuck
The Ralph Nader Candidate of Weblog Awards
David, I don’t understand your comment at all. Did you like the post?
Uhmmmm… I’m supposed to vote for IMAO as most humorous? What’s in it for ME? Everyone knows that truly humorous blogs have happy dance videos. Look at Scrappleface – man, THAT is a happy dance!
The best part about hockey fights are when they pull each others shirts off – which is why I favor an all women’s hockey league.
Southpaw: I used to love playing road hockey with my friends. At some point we always ripped off our jerseys which only revealed the other three layers of clothing we were wearing. Then we ended up pretending to fight in a mile high snowbank.
Turtling, we called it. But I’m from a really small town, so I don’t know what it’s really called.
FOCUS people … we’re not in Canada anymore. Good thing, too: the crime rate is about double the US’ and those crazies have been known to keep moose as house pets. But, if it weren’t for hockey, we would have no reason to watch “Slapshot” (Paul Newman) and eat pizza and drink beer. So … Taranto is in Italy. Italy is too pathetic to be funny; I don’t want to talk about Italy. Bye.
Look carefully at the happy dance promise; it has not been broken yet.
Focus??? This is a humor blog!
Raspberrybush:
I used to play myself, but now that I’m just a spectator and promoting a new sport, I think the rules should be set up for maximum entertainment value. Not very high minded of me I guess. I nominate you for WNHL president.
You know I once played on a high school team and bumped into a skater on the opposing team who turned out to be an attractive young lady. Until then, the rest of us had no idea that a girl was in the game. If she had not hit my elbow with her head, her helmet would not have come off, and we may never have noticed. Anyway, that started an interesting chain of events. Looking back at the fight that broke out, I often wonder how much worse it would have been if I had tried to take her shirt off to defend myself.
I never heard of turtling, but it sounds like fun.
people will vote for scrappleface on name alone. “scrappleface” sounds funny. IMAO sounds like I-M-A-O. And that is not funny. Change your website domain name to “googly-eyed hairy butts” and you will win.
She hit your elbow with her head? What a cheap shot. Did they send her to the box?
Mwheh. “Googly-eyed hairy butts”?
I’m sure it was an accident, but it really hurt. My elbow was sore for a week.
All kidding aside, I felt pretty bad about it. Nobody knew until until her helmet went skidding across the ice and 3 feet of blonde hair spilled out. It was quite a site, and for about 10 seconds I just froze in place trying to figure out what to say.
Then 4 guys from her team came over to see if I was all right.
Is anyone else having any voting problems? Everytime I go to the site it shows as December 1 and tells me I’ve already voted. Besides the fact that I voted yesterday on December 6 I am frustrated at not being able to vote for the ever funny IMAO.
Although…I must admit to having never read Scrappleface except through RWN. It’s sometimes funny but sometimes overly complicated. I enjoy mindless humor…wink not that Frank J is mindless…mind you.
We gotta keep voting for IMAO so we can see the happy dance. I vote on every computer in our office every day. What have you done for Frank J today?
Long time reader first time typer.
I’m not voting IMAO ’till you master the ‘open in new window’ scrip for your links, Frank.
Not THRILLED by the constant ninja bashing either, but I suppose I’ll get over the ignorant persecution of my ninja brethren in time….