Here’s a big bleg: if anyone reading this knows family law or someone who does, could you please e-mail both me and my wife (frankj@imao.us and sarahk@sarahk.us).
Uh… in other news, I should have an In My World™ up later today. ::grins sheepishly::
UPDATE: Since it is state specific, it’s Texas family law that’s the concern.

Pat Robertson recently caused a stir when he claimed that radical Muslims could be considered Satanic. Of course, the comparison of Islam to Satan worship caused a stir among decent, hard working Americans who strive every day to live their best lives , be good people, and worship the devil.
Don’t get me wrong. After having watched the recent rioting over the Danish cartoons of the prophet Mohammed, this has given me a deep respect for the greatest and most cherished of all American freedoms: The right for the Press to Cower In Mortal Terror. However, I have been disappointed in the press coverage in defense of this small religion of Satanic worship.
The question we have to ask ourselves is this: Did the statement by Pat Robertson offend Satanists? And why isn’t anyone stepping forward in their defense?
Keep in mind that not all devil worshippers are completely committed to their religion. Some praise Beelzebub simply because their parents did the same. Others celebrate the Dark Lord only on those special holidays such as Mardi Gras, Halloween, and Hillary’s Birthday.
But for the Satanic Fundamentalist we have to ask — is the comparison a fair one? (For discussion: When Devil Worshippers get together — do they argue the existence of the One True Satan?)
Comparing Islam to Satanism is unfair. Satanists do a good job of reaching out to Americans and drawing them to their way of life. Their promotional tools include Heavy Metal music, Public School systems, and the new hit series Desperate Housewives. Contrast this to Muslim extremists who: Demand that you not mock Islam; demand that you not question or inquire about Islam, and, finally, demand that you convert to Islam. Really, sometimes it’s enough to make me openly embrace the next Jehovah’s Witness.
Sure, there are some things I don’t understand about Satanists. Like why they need to behead a goat and offer it to their lord as a sacrifice. But I’d much rather they behead a goat than Mr. Goldberg next door. And I’d certainly like to see them use their influence to help clean up congress — but otherwise — I have no problem with these people.
In short, I think that the Reverend Pat Robertson should apologize to the Religion of Darkness for the unfair comparison to the Religion of Peace.

Apparently, running people over with an SUV is in the Koran. One of these days, someone should read that thing and see what other terrorist plots are in there.

This is just a reminder that today is Eat A Tasty Animal For PETA Day. (EATAPETA Day)
Feel free to register the animals you’ve eaten at the cheesy database site I’ve set upFor instance: normally, I drink my breakfast (coffee and cinnamon), but I added two beef jerky strips to my first meal of the day.
And you’re more than welcome to let your cats participate…

Someone tell Texan Senators that ridiculing moronic Dems is my job.

Mike Wallace is saying that he will no longer be a regular correspondent on “60 Minutes.”
Tired of eating all that fiber, Mike?

Would it be considered inappropriate to ask for a moment of silence for Miss Deaf Texas?

Democrats.com sent Frank J. an e-mail wherein they unveiled their new motto:
“victory is possible!!”
Now THERE’S a rallying cry [insert dramatic eye-roll].
I wonder what mottos they rejected?

“we might not come in last!!”
“it’s only MOSTLY completely hopeless!!”
“don’t quit your day job!!”
“why can’t you be more like your brother Murray?!!”
“I’ve got a good feeling about this SuperLotto ticket!!”
“I wish I could quit you!!”
“my MOM says I’m cool!!”

Any other suggestions?

We all need validation. Sometimes even a podcast rss feed needs it. See, the sad fact is our IMAO podcast has an RSS feed, indeed an RSS feed is what makes it a podcast. But I digress.
This was a feed that was not valid. No, it’s true. This was pointed out by Pat in the comments somewhere. Sure there were some valid parts but like a chain, you are only as valid as your invalidest link.
There were a over a half dozen things wrong (read, INVALID) with it. REALLY! I am hiding my face out of shamefacedness.
BUT. NO. MORE.
But now, forgive me for shouting, NOW it has been validated. By me. Oh yes, it is extremely valid. As valid as an podcast rss feed gets. The validest.
See? Validate the IMAO Podcast feed. BAM! VALID!
Now, I feel so warm and valid inside, now.

We join our heroes who live in a mythical world with no relation to current reality. Our main character, Malvado, is played by Oscar winner, George C. Looney. A pretty boy with a reputation for being pretty.
We pick up the story as the misunderstood hero plots to overthrow an evil government.

Scene One. Malvado and his long haired lovely are lying in bed.

Malvado- Somehow, we must overthrow this evil Busho regime. They are up to no good.

Sluteska: Oh, darling. We must have another sex scene. Kiss me you hot crazy stud muffin.

Malvado: You are a lovely woman, but it’s only the opening credits.

Sluteska: I can’t help it. I wish I could quit you.

Malvado: And I wish I could do something about this evil Busho admiinistration. I’m sure at this very moment, they are plotting some evil plan to remove these peaceful religionists from our very soil. I’ll call my friend Muhammed.

(Picks up phone and dials)

Mo? what are you doing?

Mo: Stop calling me. I’m plotting evil and wishing to destroy your way of life, you stupid zionist pig.

Malvado: Pig. he he. That’s funny because I’m not Jewish. so it doesn’t offend me. Cool. Call me when you’re done. And lets get together for lunch next week. You pick the place, okay Mo?

Mo; Fine. Someplace crowded with lots of women and children.

Malvado hangs up the phone.

I’m glad I’m lberal. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to make friends with nice people like Mo.

Now – back to our sex scene.

**

Scene two
Inside the White House as they make plans to fortify the country even more.

Busho: The new security fence would cost HOW much to build? That’s insane.

La Condi: The price for security, Mr. President.

Busho: Could we save money by using illegals?

La Condi: Mr. President, I have it on very good authority that the AQ is planning on striking this country in the next few days.

Busho: Hmmm. Would they be interested in helping us run our ports?

Scene 3.
We join Malvado at his home as he prepares his superhero equipment.

Malvado: Sluteska, I might need your help in carrying out my plan?

Sluteska: Plan?

Malvado: Yes, this evil government is holding thousands of Mo’s innocent friends. They’re being held in small rooms, allowed to pray 5 times a day, fed with three square meals a day, and punished by being forced to read mindless hateful cartoons such as pictures of The prophet Muhammed and The Boondocks.

Sluteska: What is your plan?

Malvado: I will destroy all of these buildings in order to make a large political statement. I need your help. Many women and children will die.

Sluteska: Hey, Isn’t that – like – evil?

Malvado: No – we’ll be sure to remove all Peaceful Religionists.

Sluteska: So how do I help? Do you want me to stand guard over the explosives?

Malvado: No. You have to stand here and guard my haircare products. I must go to the doctor. All this Busho hatred is making me start to break out. I cannot look anything less than my best! (he flashes his dreamy smile)

Sluteska: Oh, you are so dreamy. (They kiss for a long time) I wish I could quit you!

Malvado: Remember, if I die, to share with the world the most important thing?

Sluteska: That your mother shouldn’t use your death for shameless self promotion?

Malvado: No – more important than that. Make sure the world knows I do my own stunts.

Continue reading ‘P is for Payback – The Official Script’ »

Rowdi is sick.

Her stomach sounds like there are people inside shouting. Sarah has an appointment today, so I’m going to have to head home to watch Rowdi. I’ll be doing some work from home, but I probably won’t have much time for blogging.
Anyway, on my In My World™ yesterday, I got this comment from MJPeltier:

As one of the executive producers of the Dog Whisperer (and the co-writer of Cesar’s upcoming book) – I must say, you captured his voice brilliantly!
Very funny and creative. A plus!

That was cool, because the Dog Whisperer is one of Sarah’s and my favorite shows right now. After being told about it by sister a couple times (who doesn’t have a dog – which is too bad because she lives in L.A. and could call on Cesar if the dog was violent or scared or something), I finally added it to the Tivo list. Anyway, it’s like Cesar Millan has magical dog powers, but the pack leader techniques he talks about really seem to work. It’s quite an entertaining show (they expanded it from a half hour to and hour for the second season), especially seeing Cesar calm down some real nightmare dogs (or give courage to big babies) and I recommend checking it out even if you don’t particularly like dogs. It’s also quite informative if you have a dog because so many little things you wouldn’t even think of can have such a big effect on your dog. Cesar even has a blog here.
Cesar Millan also has a DVD out (anyone seen it?) which I’m thinking of buying and has a book coming out next month which I’m going to go ahead and pre-order.
Well, I have to check on my pup. Remember: Be calm and assertive, ronin.