You may have heard about the “18 benchmarks” that are being used to judge progress in Iraq, and how only 8 of them have been met.
Here’s the official scorecard:

Goal: Ensuring political groups do not undermine security forces
Unsatisfactory – Political authorities constantly replacing security forces’ desktop icons with wallpaper showing screenshot of icons.
Goal: Reconciliation with former Baathists
Unsatisfactory – When choosing sides for company soccer games, Baathists still being chosen last.
Goal: Reducing the level of sectarian violence and eliminating militia control of local security
Unsatisfactory – Still a lot of fighting between those who believe Allah “tastes great” and those who believe he is “less filling”.
Goal: Provide Iraqi commanders with authority to go after insurgents and militia, whether Sunni or Shia, without political intervention
Unsatisfactory – Although Shias are getting the Sunnis and Sunnis are getting the Shias, nobody is doing a damn thing about the mimes.
Goal: Increasing the number of Iraqi security forces units capable of operating independently
Unsatisfactory – Everyone just stands along the wall, staring at their feet, unless US soldiers start dragging people onto the dance floor.
Goal: Disarming militias
Too soon to judge – They’re trying, but it’s kinda hard when every Tom, Dick, and Mohammed has more weaponry than Keanu Reeves in the lobby scene.
Goal: Raising Iraqi brigades to support operations in Baghdad
Satisfactory – Although the only “combat experience” some brigades have is selling Burka Scout cookies.
Goal: Establishing joint US-Iraq security stations in neighbourhoods across Baghdad
Satisfactory – Thirty-six such stations have been fully established and 32 other Dunkin’ Donuts shops are under construction.
Goal: Amnesty for insurgents
Too soon to judge – Still trying to settle debate on whether “amnesty” should mean “immunity from prosecution” or “a bullet to the head”.
Goal: Election reform
Usatisfactory – Too many provinces are still relying on “butterfly ballots”. 47 elected offices now officially held by Pat Buchanan.
Goal: Political support for Baghdad security plan
Satisfactory – The Iraqi government has appointed teams of scantily clad cheerleaders to root for both US and Iraqi soldiers.
Goal: To deny Baghdad as a safe haven for Al-Qaeda and insurgents regardless of religion
Satisfactory – Al-Qaeda cleared out. Still some minor canvassing by Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Goal: Ensuring that the Iraqi security forces are providing even-handed enforcement of the law
Unsatisfactory – Women are still able to cry their way out of speeding tickets.
Goal: Fairly allocating and spending $10 billion in Iraqi revenues for reconstruction
Satisfactory – Every home in Iraq now has one of those wooden “Grandma bent over in the garden” things.
Goal: Introducing laws that would allow autonomous regions
Satisfactory – Iraqis are now permitted to build a treehouse and enforce a “no girls allowed” policy.
Goal: Constitutional review and reform
Satisfactory – Recent amendment provided for binding dispute-resolution between Baghdad and regional authorities via Rock-Paper-Scissors.
Goal: Protect minority political rights in the Iraqi legislature
Satisfactory – Iraqi legislature now rates a solid “9” on the “Tiger Woods Family Reunion Diversity Scale”.
Goal: Passing an oil law
Unsatisfactory – There is no oil left in Iraq to distribute, since it’s all been stolen by Bush, Halliburton, and JOOOOOS!

I think we’ll do fine, eventually, as long as the donuts hold out.