Rumor has it that President Bush has been quietly giving advice to Hillary about not making stupid promises regarding Iraq that she’ll regret if she gets elected. I’m sure the advice also encompasses other topics, and I’ll speculate thusly about what he might have said:
10) “Choose a running mate that’s in favor of gun control so as not to be blindsided by an embarrassing ‘lawyer hunting accident'”.
9) “Don’t fire your US Attorneys, just kill them and dump the bodies in a park somewhere… like I have to tell YOU to do that!”
8) “Keep Bill the hell away from my daughters!”
7) “Don’t walk barefoot on the White House lawn – John Kerry’s medals are still out there somewhere and those things are POINTY!”
6) “If you win, I’m TOTALLY stealing all the H’s off the computer keyboards before I go.”
5) “That new French President Sarkozy is a terror with his SBD‘s. Try to meet with him outdoors whenever possible.”
4) “Ya want fluffy omelets, ya gotta beat ’em until your arm is sore. Good advice for raising kids, too.”
3) “Yankees take the Series in 6. Lay the lumber. Don’t ask questions, just trust me.”
2) “Please, for the love of God, no more cleavage.”
And the #1 piece of advice from W to Hillary (see extended entry)…
1) “After using the ‘Little Oval Office’, jiggle the handle.”
#4 almost got me fired. LOL! #3 and #2(eww that sounds gross) were also flawlessly funny.
Harvey, that news thing is so fake, there’s no way Bush could’ve gotten within range of hitlery’s EVIL STANK in order to give her advice.
Though possibly he could have sent her an email or txt msg, but that would make it impossible for him to type out #10 in 133T-5p33k ingrish.
ex: #10 4tr l33vng d “ltl 0va1 0441c3”, jg1 hnd1
That’s funny Harvey. As for Number 5), you should always try to meet any French man outdoors, not just Sarkozy. No air conditioning + no Arrid Extra Dry = French Man
“And don’t mess with Texas. We’re gonna secede during your term.”
You know Harvey, I’ve been reading IMAO for about a year now, and that’s the first baseball reference I can recall. I’m guessing that’s because most IMAOers hail from places like Pigeon Holler, West Kentuckansas.
Which reminds me of a night during Fleet Week a few years ago. A bunch of young sailors were in my local haunt, enjoying the (true) NYC hospitality, when a local comes in with pictures from a birthday party he recently attended with a bunch of New York Yankees, most notably Roger Clemens. As the pix got passed around, they found their way into the sailors’ hands.
“Who are these fellas?” they asked.
“Those are Yankees. That’s David Cone, that’s Shane Spencer, that’s Roger Clemens…”
“I don’t know those fellas…”
“You don’t know Roger Clemens?” Blank. Not only did they not recognize him, they’d never HEARD of him.
“Football’s real big ’round by us,” he offered as an explanation. No doubt NASCAR as well. Well, at least they vote right…
“…most IMAOers hail from places like Pigeon Holler, West Kentuckansas.”
That’s not even wrong.
“And don’t mess with Texas. We’re gonna secede during your term”.
Way to go… now everybody knows…
Where you holdin’ out?
A bunker in Bunkersville, Texas.
Well, bunker down, here comes Hillary.
Where you bunkin’?
A bunk in bunker in a ward in NYC.
New York City? We’re gonna have to shut you down. That’s a bunch of bunk. We got Hillary.
Well, I’d kill myself like Hitler in his bunker. (“…im zeinem bunker.”)
Don’t mess with Texas.
If she takes any of that advice, PLEASE make it #2!
5 is great…
God help us if Billary wins. Although it might be entertaining to watch Angela Merkel crush her…Ich werde Sie brechen!
Hey #10, why don’t you go down to that dilapidated shack at Fenway and see how many Barney Franks you can swallow…