WASHINGTON (AP) – In a stunning reversal of his pro-war stance of the last six years, President Bush has today announced that he is declaring the War on Terror “over” and will immediately remove all American troops from every foreign nation they now occupy. The decision was credited largely to this weekend’s nationwide series of anti-war protests.
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“I finally get it,” said President Bush. “For the last six years, I thought that ‘no blood for oil’ was just a meaningless slogan chanted by ignorant fools who didn’t take the threat of terrorism seriously. Now I understand that the war really WAS about oil the whole time, and I am deeply ashamed of myself. I only hope that by ending the war, returning the stolen oil and getting our troops home as soon as possible – or even sooner – the American people can find it in their hearts to forgive me. Of course, seppuku may be the only viable option at this point, but I’m ok with that.”
The victory for the peace-loving citizens of America has been a long time coming, but the taste of success is only sweeter for the delay. “I can’t believe it’s finally happening!” gushed professional protester/moonbat/narcissistic sociopath Cindy Sheehan. “It’s like a dream come true! Every weekend, I’d be out protesting, telling myself ‘THIS time Bush will finally listen’. People told me I was crazy for believing that endlessly repeating Democratic talking points would ever accomplish anything, but it turns out they were just as wrong as the people who told me that eating ice cream wasn’t ‘fasting’.
Republicans who feared that withdrawing American troops would be interpreted as weakness by Islamic terrorists were proved wrong by a tape released by Osama Bin Laden following Bush’s announcement. In it, the defintely-not-killed-at-Tora-Bora Al Qaeda leader promised “a new age of understanding between our peoples”.
“Now that America has agreed to leave our holy lands, we have no further disagreement with the Western nations. In fact, it turns out that this whole ‘jihad’ thing was a just a typo in the Koran. It doesn’t actually say ‘kill all unbelieving infidels’ after all. It seems the phrase is correctly translated as ‘institute constituationally-governed representative republics throughout the Middle East’. So, um, yeah… sorry about the whole 9/11 thing. My bad. Peace out. Don’t taze me, bro.”
How could you skip linking the Michelle Malkin video? As far as I know, only FrankJ is prohibited from gushing over her 🙂
http://hotair.com/archives/2006/07/14/gain-weight-on-the-moonbat-fast-plan/
Leave it to a liberal to screw up NOT EATING. Seriously.
Don’t taze me, bro – nice touch, Harvey.
Srsly, there were protests this past weekend? I live in the DC suburbs and it’s the first I’ve heard of it.
“Thousands” (plural) of protesters? Yeah, and I’m Calvin Coolidge.
Srsly, there were protests this past weekend?
Supposedly there were protests in San Francisco, but how anybody could tell them from the usual population of unwashed smelly hippies walking about and shouting strange things into the air is beyond me.
I would love to attend a Pro Bush rally, show some support for my president, but sadly I have things that get in the way of that……you know, like a JOB!, and responsability. It must be nice to be able to go and make signs, piss and moan about the government, then go and cash that unemployment check, or the Social Security check you got for your “disease”, like being addicted to Smack!!! God I want to punch a hippie right now!
On the serious side, the original “warrior Bush” seems to have morphed into the vetoing, “Congress-bashing” Bush. It may be the only way he can help Congressional Republicans in ’08.
S.V.J.
Probably the only good thing about the tactics of the left, is that people do eventually become inured to them.
I’m still chuckling about “Don’t taze me, bro.”
Apparently in Seattle (I live in Communist Tacoma) there was a rally where people walked a mile or so to protest the war. That’s what I do when I want to protest something…I walk in my smelly clothes, shouting slogans and carrying homemade banners.
The truly frightening thing is that, by all indications, the libtards (and their Paul-bot cousins) actually believe that this is what would happen.
In a stunning reversal of his pro-war stance….
Does this mean he’s now taking a “wide stance”?
Ice cream? What the hell kind of fast ends with the faster being removed from their apartment in a whale sling? Those wacky lefties.
We have a friend who used to be a cop in San Francisco who said there are more than 700 protests yearly. That’s like 2/day. Then these guys wonder why no one listens to em.
I love it, Harvey, if for nothing but the logic. Many thanks for the enjoyableness of this.