A big issue this election year is the economy. A lot of people have hopes that either McCain or Obama can help improve the economy, but that’s stupid. What in either of their two careers shows they know anything about economics? That’s like have high hopes your cat can file your taxes.
I can figure out how to fix the economy, though, because I’m very smart. So here’s my idea: We convert the dollar to a squirrel standard.
Now as you may remember, a long while ago — like in the eighties — the dollar was based on the gold standard. That was stupid, though, because gold is just some shiny metal. What are we? A bunch of three year olds? “That’s pretty! Let’s base our economy on it.”
Squirrels, on the other hand, are completely worthless. But they’re also hard to catch. Did I mention it has to be a live squirrel to factor into our economy? Otherwise, it’s just food. So, when another country wonders how much the U.S. dollar is worth, they’ll have to ask themselves, “How much is a squirrel worth? And how many squirrels are in the U.S.?” They won’t know! As far as they know, our dollar could be worth like a billion of whatever Monopoly money they pass around. If you go into a foreign store and set down an American dollar, they’ll probably just give you everything in the store to be on safe side — especially since you’re an American and thus they know you probably have a gun.
I know what you’re thinking: Won’t the Chinese come into our country and try to get all our squirrels so they’ll own our economy? Of course they will! But here’s the secret: I hate squirrels. This was all a plan from the beginning to get the Chinese to take all of our squirrels so they stop pestering me. Once the Chinese have all our squirrels, we’ll simply base our dollar on something else like small, barking dogs.
So how does this plot to get the Chinese to work as pest control help our economy? I haven’t figured that out yet, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t hurt it. That’s makes it better than any proposed plan so far.
Archive of entries posted on July 2008
Operation Needs More PC – Part 4
Some Operation Needs More PC suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.
Hi WE!
Awesome site, i have u on my FAVORITES on my computer because i know u make a DIFFERENCE in reducing gw NOW and i want to be a part of it!!
Question: you may want to re-think your t-shirts selection in your WE store, in that you only offer sizes up to XL and this may exclude some of our heavier members who would find these sizes too snug, but still want to show there support for the WE movement but may be offended by this ommission. In order to be sensitive to these larger people we should offer greater sizes. I myself know some people that would be interested in showing support for WE but would be uncomfortable in those tight shirts due to there size.
Please adress this situation in the name of fairness.
Thanks! ♥ in 08!!
Barry Love
Dear We,
I’ve been visiting your fine organization’s website for some time now. With every visit I learn more about the Global Climate Crisis, the means to resolve it and the clever techniques your operation uses to shape public opinion and gain influence over public policy. I find it Very Interesting. By uniting all the little twigs of personal concern into one Mighty Bundle wielded by a strong and Fearless Leader your struggle will come to a Historically Inevitable Victory!
I have just one suggestion for your consideration. The unfortunate tendency of some of your supporters to invoke the mythological figure of “Gaia” is offensive. The wall of seperation between those obsessed with superstitious fantasies and the Will of the Leader must not be breached lest it weaken our resolve and cause division within our forces. The Superior Human does not need the blessing or guidance of any ‘diety’ to reach his self-determined destiny!
Please consider means to achieve a final solution to this disruptive element within our National and Social party. I’m sure a concentrated effort will bring them into our camp!
Sincerely,
Toppo Daphoudchane
Humans for Eugenic Hygiene
Hello! Me again.
I’m so greatful to be a part of this campain to save are enviroment. But, as I was going through the website for, like, the hundreth time, I started noticing that all the people represented on the site are white. Al Gore is white. The couple of womyn represented are white. The guys are white. Not only that, but all Western, and they seem to all be strait.
Where are those of middle eastern desent? African Americans? Homosexuals? Their seem to be no practising muslims or jews. And I know hindus care about earth also. Why isn’t their anyone with a red dot on there forehead?
Thanks for looking into this, and keep up the otherwise good work.
Hope and Change in 08!
Ray Saint
I have a problem with WE. Now don’t get me wrong, WE simply MUST solve the climate crisis and I am 100% sure that WE can, but I am having trouble signing up more members because of a few design flaws.
1. A lot of my friends are hearing impaired and they cannot hear the video when people go to the homepage. How am I supposed to raise awareness with people who are hearing impaired when the homepage is basically useless to them? Is there an alternate version of the site for the hearing impaired?
2. I also don’t see anywhere about who is hosting the site. Are they using 100% renewable energy? Has the hosting company purchased carbon offsets for the enormous amount of electricity consumed by hosting this site?
3. I’m also running into quite a bit of trouble with the lack of diversity regardign the models on the site – not a single African or Latino American. It’s really hurting my recruitment efforts with disadvantaged people.
4. My last problem is more of a suggestion, really. Why aren’t any celebrities endorsing WE besides Al Gore? What is WE doing that is offending Sean Penn or Danny Glover? If WE isn’t green enough for Whoopie Goldburg, a lot of my friends say it isn’t green enough for them. What contacts do you have with some of the rich and famous we need to recruit?
Thanks for your time and I look forward to your response.
Sunshine Campbell
“The Earth needs a friend – are you available?”
Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Operation Needs More PC suggestion for improving WE’s offensive web site to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).
Hellbender Update
I know what you’re thinking. “Frank! You suck! The only reason I come to IMAO anymore is out of a morbid curiosity of whether there is any end to the depths of your suckitude. If it weren’t for me still confusing Harvey’s posts for yours, you’d seem completely worthless.”
Harsh, but fair.
Anyway, I will finish Hellbender — this I vow! — but it will be on hiatus for a little bit longer. And so this doesn’t end up like the second season of Lost, I’m going to wait until I have a few chapters ready to go until I put anymore up.
Keep strong.
Frank’s Comment on Guns in National Parks
I hear the government is still seeking comments from the public on whether to allow conceal carry in national parks.
I shall comment!
I think it is a great idea. I would very much like to go into national parks and shoot wildlife.
You may ask, “Well why not just take a gun in now and shoot wildlife? It’s not like they check anyone for guns when they enter.”
That’s a bad idea. Bringing a gun into a national park is illegal. I don’t do illegal things.
To which you may say, “But shooting wildlife in a national park is also illegal.”
You have a point, but if I already have a gun with me legally, I might as well just start shooting stuff whether it’s legal or not. That’s gun logic. If you are allowed to have a gun on you, you are compelled to shoot things, animals, and people. Me, I’m really looking forward to going into Yellowstone and shooting the first buffalo that lumbers in front of my care right in the face. I will totally waste a buffalo. You don’t disrespect me like that! I have a gun, bitch! You fear me!
Also, if Old Faithful takes too long to go off, I will shoot it. I will totally waste Old Faithful. I paid money to get into this park, so you don’t waste my time you @#$% geyser! I have a gun! I will kill you!
Then I will go to the Grand Canyon and unload on that bitch. You think you’re so big, Mr. Canyon? Well, guess who has a gun! I’m the big one now! I will kill you! The police will have to buy like a million boxes of chalk to outline the canyon after I kill it.
So that is my comment on guns in national parks.
Operation Needs More PC – Part 3
Some Operation Needs More PC suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.
Dear WE, You guys rock.
At first I didn’t get your logo, what a weird W I thought. But now I totally get it, it is me upside down with my feet in the air for the W. We=Me upside down. I think it is saying even I could become chimpy McBush if I got upside down on myself.
I do however have a small issue with WE. I have never thought of myself as a very large person, but I cant get a Teeshirt in my size on the website WE Store. It sez “They run a bit small, so you may want to order one size larger than you normally would.” That means the largest size available is really just a large.
I don’t think of myself as very big but I would normally order a 2x, so the site would suggest getting a 3x. DO YOU EVEN WANT NORMAL SIZED PEOPLE TO WEAR THE SHIRTS OR NOT??? MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET A SMALL AND WEAR IT AS A HAT??? Sorry I get worked up when I think that ample Americans are unwelcome in the We store. After all it is not WE if it is not all of US.
William “snuggles” Perry
Dear WE,
First let me thank you for all you do. It’s great that Mr. Gore is still able to use his leadership abilities for the benefit of us all. I think WE really is doing a great job.
Second, as a Dyslexic-American, I feel I must draw you attention to a problem with your logo. Backward letters are a device commonly used by bigoted Dyslexiphobes to mock and humiliate us and deny our rights. WE can make a pro-dyslexia statement and support our dyslexic families by changing the logo to something less demeaning. For resources on Dyslexia awareness and a Dyslexia style guide please consult the International Dyslexia Association’s website at www.interdys.org.
God bless the whole world, no exceptions,
Daneil
Dear Friends of Earth,
Thank god someone finally is steppping up to take on the evil hippocrites destryoing our beuatuful EARTH.
I realize WE’s goal is to become more greener, however I believe WE’s logo may be unaccepatble to some people. In primitive amazonian cultures a green circle is a sign of agression, and therefore some poeple of the Aamazonian persuasion my take offense. Even though they don’t have an internet, WE still should not sacrifce the dignity of those earth-loving people.
Keep up the good work, but try to be more inclusive of EVERY people.
Very respectfully green,
Phillipe Nightglow
Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Operation Needs More PC suggestion for improving WE’s offensive web site to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).
Edwards Caught Meeting with Mistress and Love Child – Homosexual Community Devastated
LOS ANGELES (AP) – Former Democrat presidential candidate John Edwards was caught visiting his mistress and their child early Tuesday morning. Members of America’s gay community, who had long accepted Edwards as one of their own – reacted almost universally with stunned disappointment at the apparent proof of Edwards’s heterosexuality.
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“I cried for hours,” admitted San Francisco native Bruce Liteloafers. “Until now, I never once questioned the fact that Edwards was gay. The way he used to paw at and rub up against John Kerry, that two minute video where he did nothing but pleasure himself by caressing his own hair… hey, who could’ve had ANY doubts as to which way Johnny swung? I know he had a wife, but big deal. That marriage was faker than a set of double-D’s on the Sunset Strip. But this is like finding a video tape starring Paris Hilton and Liberace”.
However, Senator Larry Craig, who served with John Edwards in the Senate, refused to believe the news. “After decades of doing under-stall tap-dancing, I’m pretty sure I know a faggot when I see one, and John Edwards is the real deal. As for that ‘woman’ he was with, all I can say is she’s got an adam’s apple you could hang a coat on and a jaw so square she makes Arnold Schwarzenegger look like Rosie O’Donnell. I think Mr. Edwards ‘preference’ remains both clear and unchanged.”
Blogger Andrew Sullivan’s reaction, however, is more typical: a mix of dismay and resigned acceptance. “There are certain ‘icons’ in the gay community – Judy, Liza, Elton – that really inspire you to live up to your dreams of unbridled flamboyancy. For me, John Edwards was right up there with the ‘Big 3’. To find out that it was all just some sort of act… I haven’t been this crushed since Tom Cruise knocked up Katie what’s-her-name. Still, no matter what he’s done, Johnny will always be my little Breck Girl.”
Sympathizing with his people, openly gay Congressman Barney Frank (D – MA) introduced a measure in the House calling for “a national day of mourning” and requesting that all rainbow flags be flown at half staff.
Aliens Have Visited Us… Didn’t You Know That?
Dr. Edgar Mitchell, an Apollo 14 astronaut, says he was aware of many UFO visits to Earth while he was with NASA, but each was covered up.
Oh, okay. Thanks for telling us.
I like NASA’s denial: “Dr Mitchell is a great American, but we do not share his opinions on this issue.” So government UFO conspiracies are opinions now? “In our opinion, we haven’t covered up visits from aliens… but that’s just our opinion.” Just doesn’t seem like a very forceful denial.
Still, I have trouble believing any conspiracy that involves more than four or five people having to keep a huge secret for an extended period of time. If aliens really had visited multiple times, we would have had people confessing about this decades ago. And why cover it up? What’s the government logic on that?
AGENT1: “We’ve discovered the lost city of Atlantis. What should we do?”
AGENT2: “Excellent. Now let’s cover it up so no one ever knows.”
AGENT1: “Why?”
AGENT2: “Because then when people finally find out and are like, ‘Wow! That’s amazing!’ we can say, ‘So what? We’ve known about that for fifty years.’ It’ll be funny. Now finish your bigfoot stew, but if your wife asks what you had for lunch, say you had Taco Bell.”
And wouldn’t a president have pulled the “Hey! We’ve been visited by aliens!” card by now? Bill Clinton could have really used that during the whole Lewinsky thing. And it would be a nice distraction for Bush now. Plus, could you really keep someone like Carter quiet on that, especially if you explained to him it was vital to national security?
Still, just in case, I would like to know how to kill them. They may be technologically advanced, but I bet they have a deadly weakness to something simple and common to us like the aliens from War of the Worlds. I bet it’s shotguns.
Obama in the Middle East
Obama is touring the Middle East now, I really wonder if Obama’s childlike enthusiasm is what that region needs to achieve peace. They’ve never heard of hope and change before — there aren’t even words for that in Arabic — but Obama is doing is best to communicate his message thought broad arm movements and smiles.
It all has to be very exciting for Obama too, and I’m worried about him getting over-stimulated with all the new things for him to learn. First he got showed where he was on a map; I don’t know if he understood that too well, but he did fold the map into a neat hat. Later, Obama got to see Israel and was told they have no friends in the region. Obama then said, “Israel is a strong friend of Israel’s.” That being a true statement, he was given a cookie.
Obama also got to meet the troops — or as he calls them, “the scary bad men with guns.” When one asked him about how he would implement his policy on Iraq, Obama started crying until he was given some arugula to chew on.
So, are we getting closer to peace? Maybe. I haven’t read about anymore violence in the Middle East since Obama’s visit. Then again, I only ready tech and video game news. In video games, instead of in the Middle East, most violence happens in warehouses with plenty of crates to hide behind.
Bad Edwards!
John Edwards caught with mistress and love child!
Pretty shocking, huh. Who’d have thought he was actually heterosexual?
Operation Needs More PC – Part 2
Some Operation Needs More PC suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.
First, this pic from savethepenguins is too good to let languish as a link in the comments (and if you haven’t read the first comment at that link, you’re SERIOUSLY missing out):
Dear WE,
I am very excited about your organization and have invited many of my friends in Berkley to join. We know that it is up to us to save our planet. Unfortunately, most people are not as enlightened as us.
I do however have a problems with your site. Although it is really beautiful, I see that you have not included the site in Spanish.
I wanted to show it to my maid, Lupita and my gardener Manuel, so they could learn how to be more green. Manuel insists on using a gas powed mower and pesticides. The lawn is a quarter acre and I know a push mower would be so good for the enviroment. Lupita refuses to use vinegar to clean the bathroom (She shakes her head and plugs her nose) I just know if they could understand the importance of thier actions, they would change thier habits.
Although you are doing such a good thing, you really dropped the ball not including the site in Spanish. If we are to give Mexicans amnesty, then we need to make sure they don’t harm our enviroment.
Ok, the pilot says I must turn off the computer for take off. Husband and I are flying the jet down to Malibu for the weekend! The beachhouse always makes me feel extra green!
Thank you for you work…..please fix the Spanish!
Airianna Robbins-Moore
To whom it concerns,
I love this effort. It is obviously a serious atempt to save our planet from the ravages of humans. I do have one issue with you guys though, as I browse your site, I notice that it looks like you are trying to create a green world because perhaps you are afraid of a black world. Seriously, like 10 out of 10 spokespeople on your pages are white middle age people. You guys need to work on this. Your lack of divercity really takes away from the strength of your massage.
Thanks.
Bush Lied, kids dided!
Pat “Light Bearer” Hughes
Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Operation Needs More PC suggestion for improving WE’s offensive web site to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).
lolterizt! Part 56
Pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
[reference links: LARP, Stratego]
[reference link]
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
Frank Solves the Oil Crisis
So a new study suggests that it was a volcanic eruption that’s responsible for much of the oil we have today. That’s a funny coincidence because I was plotting to set off all the world’s volcanoes even before I knew about the oil benefits.
The only problem is that I don’t think I can get liberals behind this plan. They aren’t for drilling because they say it will take like two years before we see benefits, so I doubt they’ll get behind a plan that will take 93 million years before we see results. Liberals just aren’t that forward thinking. They’re all, “Me me me! Now now now! What are you doing with that hammer?”
So I have a better plan!
What is oil made from? Dinosaurs. And can’t we make dinosaurs? Michael Chrichton does a lot of scientific research for his novels, so if he thought resurrecting dinosaurs was possible in 1991, then we should totally be able to do it super easy in whatever year it is now. We’ll make the dinosaurs, put them on an island, charge people to come and see them to fund the operation, and when the dinosaurs are nice and big, we kill them and put them in the ground so they become oil.
I know. You’re like, “Won’t that still take millions of years until they become oil?” Not if we use some sort of time machine to speed up time on them and make them turn into oil in minutes. “But we don’t know how to make a time machine!” you say. Well, do we know how to write a letter?
We just write a letter and bury it in the ground. The letter will say, “People of the future. We need one of your time machines to help us make oil. Please give us one.” When someone far in the future finds the letter, he’ll know to come back and give us a time machine. We might as well ask for an efficient way of making dinosaurs while we’re at it, too. Actually, why can’t they just bring us some of the oil they made by resurrecting dinosaurs, killing them again, and time machining them into oil (which should be known as the “Frank Method”)?
Now that I think of it, the people of the future are some greedy bastards. They’re right now just sitting around with all their time machines, abundant oil, and hoverboards and they’re not sharing. What a bunch of punks. They owe us! We’re they’re ancestors! I bet a lot of their luxury are based off my ideas!
I’ll kill them. That’s what I’ll do.
Here’s the plan: We take one of those time capsules meant to show people of the future what life is like now, but we place a bomb in it. Then when they open it hoping to steal more of our stuff, they die! And we’ll include a letter with it saying that we will not stop killing the people of the future until they meet our demands. And I won’t just settle for a time machine and oil now. I need a laser that can kill people from space. I’m sure the people in the future are a bunch of sissies in shiny clothing, so they should give in to our demands right away.
I know your worry: Won’t we go to hell for murdering people? That’s the thing: They won’t be murdered until after we’re dead. God can’t judge you for things you haven’t done yet. And when people in the future die and you’re already in Heaven, He can’t rejudge you because the Constitution doesn’t allow double jeopardy (except on game shows).
So it’s a full proof plan. Well, I guess terrorizing the people of the future is a little bit convoluted, but you have to admit it’s the most realistic plan you’ve seen so far about solving the oil crisis.
Short of more drilling, that is.
Operation Needs More PC – Part 1
Some Operation Needs More PC suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.
Wow! Finally a moveent that I can get on board with. I love the way that you have taken the FACTS of Global Warming and put them in one location. Keep up the GREAT work!
I do have a concern about our logo. It may be working against our cause. I’m afraid that it may be offensive to other nursing mothers, the same as it was to me. Producing milk for young is a service provided by all femail mammals and it should not be mocked in our logo.
I realize this was PROBABLY not on purpose. BUt I asked a friend and she saw the exact same thing I did. Her boyfriend saw it too. Becauise of this one issue they refused to join WE. (I was hoping they might start recycling)
The form of a nursing mother is not a beautirful thing and its shameful to portray her as having utters. Nursing mothers are not the “cows of people” WE are people.
I don’t know how big a deal it is to change a logo… maybe just show it less on the site?? Or just put points on the “W” (like this one)
Hope this is helpful and shows Even Nursing mothers they can be part of the solution.
Naturally yours,
pieceweaver
Dear WE,
I love this site. It’s so Great to have a site that’s my one stop shop for all my environmental solutions and questions. This place gives all of us who desire action on the most pressing issue of our day a forum to solve problems.
My extensive use of your site does give me a problem. Where are the Afrocan Americans? Where are the Asian Americans, Where are the Native Americans. Every single modle I see in your pictures are white, from story pictures to the models for your shirts. It saddens me to think how someone who has had to grow up in white bread America would come to your web site, look at it and think. “I can’t be apart of the solution for global warming. I don’t see any pictures of other Escamoes here.”
I’m sure there are other people working for WE that aren’t white. You can take a picture of them and throw it on the site. Or you guy have got to be good with computers. How about Photoshoping a picture of one of your models (Obvously don’t do one of Al. He’s way too famous to do that). If you need to, I have lots of African American, Mexican American, Native Americans here in my home town of Pitcher, Ok. I could take some pictures of them and you could put them on the site for diversity. Email me back if you want me too.
Thanks for hearing my thoughts. I want to help out any way I can.
“WE will get by, WE will Survive” Jerry Garcia- Touch of Gray
Windsong
Pitcher, Oklahoma
Dear WE:
I think its great that someone is finally thinking about our children and doing something to get Mother Gaia back to the right temperature.
I’m concerned, howver, that WE are not setting a right example for those who are trying to learn the proper way to live in an ecological world. The WE site uses a predominately white color scheme, which means that all of the WE site viewers are using screens that have active “white” pixles. This raises two concerns for me:
1. I think this is an implicitly racial undertone, and could potentially be offensive for persons of non-whiteness. A nice mocha color scheme in the site will by much more racially sensitive.
2. White pixles use much more power when being viewed, which contributes to the very global doom that WE’re trying to prevent! A dark color scheme would use less power and therefore reduce global temperatures.
Please check the background of whoever’s making your Web site, as they may be working for the Rethugs. I look forward to your prompt action,
Yours in Gaia (PBUH)
Percy Dovetonsils
Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Operation Needs More PC suggestion for improving WE’s insensitive web site to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).
WEsistance Challenge: Operation Needs More PC
I declare Operation Helpful Idiot a success.
Or at least fun.
Now it’s time for:
OPERATION NEEDS MORE PC
The Premise: It’s the next stage in the relationship. You still think WE is messianic, like a Green Obama, but still… you just can’t help noticing that one, tiny little flaw, and if only that were made right, you could go back to being blindly in love again.
This time, the problem is… something at the site doesn’t meet your hysterical, fanatical preference for political correctness. You feel that somewhere, somehow, SOME blessed group of exalted victims MIGHT be offended by something you’ve seen or read on the site.
Suggested format:
1) Brief acknowlegdement of the goodness of WE.
2) Your constructive criticism on how they can be more sensitive to those they’ve been insensitive to. Don’t be mean, here. You want to HELP. It’s like being brave enough to tell a friend he’s got bad breath. In this case, it’s the bad breath of insensitivity toward… blacks, whites, young, old, pirates, farmers, prostitutes, the illiterate, vision impaired, hearing impaired, children, people with food allergies, muppets, hemophiliacs, the colorblind… whatever. As before, try to keep it under 200 words to encourage folks to pass it around.
3) Sign off with some cliche lefty slogan and your hippie alias.
As usual, feel free to leave in a few typos and misspellings, just for flavor.
Sample letter:
Dear WE,
I think it’s great that there’s finally an organization that’s trying to save the whole planet. However, I can’t help wondering if it does any good to save the whole planet if doing so involves harming womyn’s self-esteem.
What I mean is that I think your spokesperson Dawn R. on the Take Action page encourages unhealthy sterotypes of “thinness” and “symmetry” that our society should leave behind. Perhaps you should consider a repersentative with a more healthy and natural body shape, and facial features that don’t perpetuate traditional lookist oppressions.
Liberation for All
Bertha Hodgkins
As before, you don’t HAVE to be a member of WE to participate in Operation Needs More PC, but if you ARE signed up, it puts pressure on them to take you seriously, and there’s nothing more pathetically funny than a conflicted liberal.
After you leave your suggestion with WE, send a copy of it to me at wesistance@gmail.com. If I find your entry to be brief, subtle, and at least moderately amusing, I’ll post it at IMAO so that others may enjoy it also.
Stick to the Shadows
So, with no horse in this election, what are conservatives to do? We watch. We listen. We learn. We plot our revenge.
Yes, we stick to the background, preparing for our inevitable return. Our enemies will grow complacent, thinking they’ve defeated us, but when they least expect it, we’ll strike, unleashing destruction on them like a tax-cutting Cloverfield, smashing through government programs with an insane glee. The streets will run red with the blood of liberals, they’re fascist frivolities torn apart. They will beg for mercy, but they might as well beg for unicorns because mercy does not exist.
It will be beautiful.
Our first target will be take over the Republican Party. Instead of the corpulent slob it is now, we want a lean beast ready for violence. No more open tent; instead, it will be like one of those tents Navy SEALs make where you could be standing two feet in front of it and not see it. And it’s filled with people ready to kill. That’s the Republican Party I remember. Perhaps we can even get them to the point they’re more like an urban legend.
“Ever hear of the Republican Party? They say they come in the middle of the night to eat babies and cut taxes. I heard something the other night, and when I went outside to check on it, I found a flag pin on the ground. I’m so scared!”
Fear will be our tool. Anytime politicians our about to pass some law, we want them to think to themselves, “What will the conservatives think of this? What will they do? I can’t possibly protect myself from them! They could be anywhere!” Even when not in power, we will be ever present. Then, when the time is right, we will take power again with such force as to destroy all opposition. The country will be back in the hands of its rightful owners, and soon the rest of the world will fall to our might.
We will not be stopped this time.