Reader Adrianne asks:

What I want to know is, are any of these getting responses?

Any of you Helpful Idiots gotten an acknowledgment from the hapless interns who had to waste their time slogging through your convoluted psychotic blatherings?

NOTE: new WEsistance operation coming Monday.
Some Operation Helpful Idiot suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.

Dear We,
My friends told me about your organization. I think it’s a fine thing you are doing. Unfortuneatly there are limits to the reductions in climate harming human activities that you can achieve while the total number of humans continues to increase. Therefore to ensure the long term survival of the Earth some means must be found to reduce the surplus population. Disease, war and famine will reduce populations but not without unwelcome damage to the environment which we intend to preserve. Therefore we must find means to encourage the voluntary, non violent if possible, reduction in the number of humans capable of reproduction. Tax breaks for the childless perhaps. Encouraging the undesireable to remove themselves from the breeding population by apealing to their self interest may be affected by a positive campaign like the following:
We, Planned Parenthood and NARAL
present a limited time offer!
3 proceedures for the price of 1!
Bring your babies daddy in and get
2 Free sterilizations with each abortion performed!
Quick, painless and confidential!
Save time and money! Save the world!
Sincerely,
Toppo Daphoudchane
People for Eugenic Hygiene.

Thanks be to Gaia for WE. WE must change the Bush-And-Bust administration’s policies that have created a perfect Hell On Earth.
In that vein, I thought of a really great way to stop a LOT of CO2. I can’t imagine how many tonnes of CO2 a NASCAR race emits but I’m sure it’s a lot. So, if we were to mandate that all NASCAR cars MUST be either WIND or SOLAR powered, it would help. I know the rednecks and hillbillies in Daytona might not want to give up there precious gasoline but once they realize how much QUITER and more PEACEFUL a NASCAR race would be with eco-friendly fuels, they’ll jump on board.
Maybe, we could start by mandating that all cars must be HYBRIDS at first and then work our way to a purely earth-friendly race by the end of the Obama presidency in 2012.
Do you know who the legislator is that’s in charge of NASCAR?
Thanks,
Sierra Madre Maria
O in ’08!

Dudes! Seriously, you guys at WE totally rock! Some people are so freakin stupid when it comes to knowing all about our planet, and how its totally gonna fry up. WE have to get the message out!
Okay, so I was sitting around with some my fraternity bros the other day, talking about about an assinement for our Environmental Ethics class, and we came up with a totally awsome idea! Really, this kinda takes care of two problems, so, double jeapordy! First, we’re running out of oil, and even if we weren’t we need to stop using so much, and second, people are getting so obese these days. You should see how many fat chicks their are on our campus, seriously. So here’s my solution. Use liposuction on all the fat people, then, take that fat, and turn it into biodeasel. I saw a show once on how people take fat from places like McDonalds, and then make their own deasel fuel out of it. If we took all that fat from the fat people and made fule out of it, then first, you wouldn’t have to use so much oil, and two, you’d stamp out obesity. I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this yet, but its like, the perfect answer. You could even pay people for the fat you take, especially since poor people seem to be the fattest, and then if you paid them something two, you could also help elimanate poverty! Dude, I just thought of that! I volunteer my girlfriend first, since her a$$ is starting to pork out some, but don’t tell her I said that.
Awesome, so let me know if you use my idea, cuz I could totally get extra credit in my EE210 class!
WE is the shazizzle!
Rock the vote!
K-Fresh signin’ out.

First I wanto say that thank you for having such a wonderful orgnization for fixing GW!!! I was thinking of this idea. Sinse so many of us use organic food to make compost & then use the compost to make some more orgnic food…Why dont we get wise: Composting crates Co2!!! If more of us would just eat evry bit of food spoiled or not we would have less and less and less of C)2 the very more we ate.
Sure there is a real small chance wed get sick, but mainly I think more & more of us could develope a taste for food that is like “past it’s prime”! I know I have & once you get used to it it isnt so bad. Eventully you can move on to do even more eating of even more food that is just a little past. Even you can get some from your neghbors trash. You really can. Beleive me!! I DO IT !!!
After a while I get even a little bit hi off it if you know what I mean!
And all the while I am contributing to OUR CAUSE!!! YOU CAN TOO!!!!
Peace, Felicia Rathbone

Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Helpful Idiot suggestion for stopping evil climate change to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).

Some Operation Helpful Idiot suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.

Hi, This is excellent! WE should really help us environmentalists make a difference! I was recently elected vice president of the “Green Action Organization”. (It’s a student group at Old Dominion University.) In past years, we had trouble figuring out which issues we should fight for. I mean, there is global warming, forest fires, windmills killing eagles. We were spreading ourselves too thin. I hope that by making my club an official part of WE, we can better coordinate our efforts. I should note that we lost our official status a couple years ago. The school revoked our charter after we ran a year-long campaign to educate people about the environmental dangers of Republicans. They want to drill more oil, make everyone drive SUV’s, build nuclear plants, and use dirty coal for everything. If it were up to them, America would keep generating even more power every year! We need to conserve, not build! Republicans don’t believe in sacrifice, which we need right now. The school told us that we can’t “campaign against Republicans”. It might “hurt their nonprofit status”. It’s not like we were making anything up. Facts are facts. Republicans are bad for the environment. After a lot of hearings, the school revoked our charter. But we still keep the club going. We have 24 active members and many sympathetic students. Please help us spread the message about Republicans. They really should be illegal. That’s the best thing WE can do for the environment. WE should spend our money to change the laws that make it illegal for groups to use school money to campaign against republicans. I mean, unions can do it, right? Why not universities? Why not us? Why not the Salvation Army? It’s not campaigning, really. It’s just spreading TRUTH. What good is an environmental group if we don’t explicitly go after meat-eating, SUV driving, oil-drilling, eagle-killing, deer-hunting people in the GOP? Regards, Sandra Positano

Hi, WE!
I luv that sumone is finaly doing sumthing to keep us all from burning to deth in the next cupple of yeers do to the evils of glowbal warming, four witch we only haf ourselfs to blame!!! Thank Gaya for WE!!!
First, I want to no that I am doing enuff to halp stop this cumming trajety, so I was wundering if sumone cood pass a law or sumthing reqiring evryone, me inclooded, wood haf to haf there carbin footprint mesured. Do I like haf to wauk threw carbin and than step on sum speshul paper or sumthing?
Also, as a typecal wite person, who, thanks to my lite skin tone, halps to reflekt more of the suns dedly heet back into space, my other idea is that all peeple with darker skin, who are sucking in the suns killer rayz and halping speed us all to are impending doom, volunter themselfs to be culled in a mass (voluntery) jenoside to save the planut.
But I’m not rasist or anything.
Vote Obama!
See?
After all, he can leed by exampull after the elekshun and hurl himself off a clif or sumthing anyway to halp save the planut. That wood be so totaly cool!
Sincerely,
Adolf “Duke Moonbeam” Duke

I just thought of a way to stop global warming but I don’t know who to share it with. I’m sending it to you so that hopefully you can like forward it to the proper authoriteis.
Since Carbon Dioxide is like the worst pollutant in the world, can’t we just put it in big tanks and then shoot it into space on huge rockets? I realize that means we’re now polluting space but if we like shoot it towards the sun, it’ll just burn up anyway so there won’t be any like earth germs and stuff left on it to pollute other planets and stuff.
I know your thinking that a problem with this is how to make the rockets go since they use like rocket fuel anyway and that’s just going to put more CO2 in the atmosphere. But I heard that they’re like collecting cow farts (i know it’s really gross!) and that it’s methane and that methane burns.
So we would have a renewable resource that would power those rockets to shoot the Carbon Dioxide into space to get it off of Mother Earth – that’s like a double-smack in the face of Global Warming.
Do you know who I could talk to to start working on this?
Sunshine Campbell
“Earth needs a friend – are YOU available?”

Finally, people are starting to apply their minds to preserving our increasingly
scarce resources instead of finding faster ways to consume them.
Bucky Fuller once said that the problem wasn’t scarcity but distribution (Oh to
have lived back when that was true – before energy consumption doubled every 4
years, depleting all the accessible oil on this continent). Air conditioning
could be made efficient if we simply used a nationwide set of underground
cooling tubes to connect heat pumps in the south to heat pumps in the north.
Even during summer people up north need heat for swimming pools, cooking and
commercial applications. Heck, New York City still has steam pipes for powering
businesses. By taking the output of the air conditioners in the south and
pumping the excess heat, they won’t have to burn nearly as much fossil fuels for
power.
Keep up the good work, there are a lot of great plans that require only that our
government invest in infrastructure the way it invests in attacking other
countries.

Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Helpful Idiot suggestion for stopping evil climate change to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).

Since the WEtards put me ahead of the curve on this news item, I thought I’d toss out a spoiler:

Something important is happening tomorrow.
In a speech in Washington, DC, Nobel Laureate and Former Vice President Al Gore will issue a major challenge, essentially pressing the “reset” button on how we think about energy and climate, and how we can create prosperity in America.
His speech will generate a great deal of attention. Since you are a We campaign member, we wanted to make sure you heard about it in advance. We’ll email you when we’ve posted the video highlights, action steps and other resources — so stay tuned for breaking news!

In the interests of accuracy, shouldn’t Gore’s description also include the phrases “Oscar winner”, “limousine liberal” and “presidential also-ran”?
Tangentially, I had no idea that WEtards came with a “reset” button. If I press it, can I make them stop proselytizing for their bizarre religious cult?
As for creating prosperity, does this mean Al Gore FINALLY cracked the cover on that copy of The Capitalist Manifesto I sent him?
Great news, if true. I can’t wait for the speech.
In other WEtard news, 6 weeks after their membership contest ended, I finally got my WEshirt. Size XL, organic cotton, WE logo placed like a central third breast sans nipple, and their website URL on the back.
Plus two WE stickers and 4 WE buttons.
But what to do with it?
I’m torn between holding some sort of reader “What I would do with WE logo merchandise” short essay contest, and auctioning the stuff off and donating the proceeds to some sort of charity that produces a large carbon footprint (like the US Military).
I’m very open to suggestions at this point.

Some Operation Helpful Idiot suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.

I think that this WE campaign is the best thing to come along since Bill Clinton was president!@!! First of all, we need to undo all of the damage that the republicans keep doing to our wonderful planet. They just do’nt understand how important it is to take care of Mother earth! So heres my suggestion– I think Cheryl Crow was on the totally right track when she started talking about the one square of toilet paper rule. I mean, think of how many trees we could save if even half of the country committed to doing this all the time!!!!1 We’d save at least 100 trees! and wow clean up our air.But i think we should take it one step further to include other kinds of paper products (computer paper, paper plates, napkins, etc). I think thats where your organization could be helpful. Like using your researchers to come up with a fair number for all Americans for how much paper we should get a year. And then the government could pass it out, and everyone gets their share. If you use it up, make buying extra toilet paper really expensive (hey, those wasting rich republicans can pay the price if they won’t support WE and us, and it will just give them less money to buy guns anyway.). Just my two sents.
Vote for hope, hope for change! Obama 08′

Dear WE,
The center of the earth is very hot, but we live on the surface of the
earth, and now I no that the surface is getting much hotter because we do.
It seems right to me that the center hot is somehow getting to the surface.
Oil in my car gets hot, so I no that oil is hot. Maybe it is the same in
the earth!!! If we get the oil out of the earth then the earth will be less
hotter. This is so right that nobody can not no it!!! Plus all the holes
to get the oil will make the center less hot, like my car gets air to it.
Thanks for making me think of this before its to late. Call me if you don’t
get it and I can help you get it, and I can think of some other stuff to.
Justin Berkley III
Dumb people are mean 🙂

I think its graet that WE are getting involvd in solving the pressing needs of the world. May I suggest?
1) Reduced energy consumption through global economic collapse. Its gonna happen, just WHEN is the question. WE can encourage this through government support of any and all programs — to starve the economy of resources.
2) A Global Tax on electrons used. With profits to fund green alternatives to electron/protons.
3) Sustainable cooperative initiatives through leveled playing fields. What I mean is reduction of inequality with an eye toward measurable fairness.
4) Clean-based ecofuel programs which are outcome-based and will not increase global warming and/or cooling.
5) Support initatives which wil increase community projects in greenscaping, cityscaping and ecoscaping. Investigative projects funded by BIG OIL which will discover the possible uses of kinetic energy in the sea (without interrupting native sealife) and potential energy stored in rocks poised to fall off high peaks.*
*Without actually removing the rocks from the peaks. The potential energy stored in boulders which are high on cliffs in say, Colorado or Montana could fuel a small city.

Nuke Iran! If we nuke Iran we can save the planet.
Here’s how:
When nukes go off they release an enormous amount of energy. This “energy” is in the form of a huge fire ball that will melt the sands of Iran.
Once the “dust settles” there will be huge sheets of glass made from melted sand everywhere the nukes exploded in essence making huge mirrors that will reflect the energy from the sun just enough to combat the dreaded “Global Warming”.
Poof, World saved.
Swinehound

Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Helpful Idiot suggestion for stopping evil climate change to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).