There’s talk again about reviving the assault weapon ban. Of course, what gun banners consider an assault weapon is pretty different from the traditional definition. In fact, it seems pretty obvious that the people who came up with the assault weapons ban don’t know much about guns.
Basically, in the assault weapons ban, a gun is an “assault weapon” if it has two or more of these attributes:
* Looks cool or has a cool name.
* Fires a bullet every time the trigger is pulled instead of every other time.
* Can blow someone’s head clean off with a single shot.
* Has a shoulder strap of some sort that could be used to strangle someone.
* Makes loud noise.
* Has a non-Nerf rifle butt that would hurt if you hit someone with it.
* Fires armor penetrating hollow points.
* Isn’t loud enough.
* Makes those red dots appear on people you’re going to shoot.
* Uses a special bullet clip.
* Uses scary sounding things like “full-metal jacket” or “black powder”.
* It can shoot through schools.
* It’s secretly Megatron in disguise.
It can also be an assault weapon if it has one or more of the following attributes:
-Is Nancy Pelosi’s mouth
-Is a liberal with a vote in Congress
-Is Barack Obama signing a bill
-Is a Hippie with Hippie hygiene
-Uses Science! to try to breed dinosaurs… that don’t swear allegiance to us
-Is Keith Olbermann’s sperm
-Is Helen Thomas’s personal stylist
They clearly believe these exist.
* Is not used by the Federal Government to harrass civilians and murder their dogs.
Anything that:
*Has a fold-out spork
*Is called a ‘black’ rifle. Racists.
*Has a moving part
*Instantly makes liberals lose bladder control, just at the mention
*Gives Tom Brokaw the vapors
*Has an actual, functional purpose (this makes liberals feel threatened)
*Truth
That’s easy, it’s a rifle used to assault and stuff. It has a gazillion round clip and causes liberals to wet themselves at the mention of the term “assault weapon.”
The concept is to spray a lot of bullets – they merely seek to take all guns away by getting their feet in the door by scapegoating one type, which is why they don’t care about accuracy or fact with their assault weapons talk.
I recall getting my new semi-automatic .22cal Stevens rifle back in the late 40’s. While hunting, a rabbit jumped up and bobbed and weaved. I sprayed the woods around it with 17 long rifle bullets whizzing everywhere near it . After I fired the last one, the rabbit sat up while my friend killed it with one well aimed shot in the head from his single shot. It’s not how fast you can fire as much as how well you can aim.
There are few modern weapons which use a clip.
Of course there is a difference between a clip and a magazine.
Don L has a point. Lee Oswald chose a bolt action rifle.
I suppose this may be common, but I once asked a gun control wingbat what she meant by the term “assault rifle.” She responded, and this is verbatim, “Aren’t they those guns that look mean?”
Dick Cheney’s hunting partners can attest to the fact that duckshot is indiscriminate with respect to the firearm it came from.
Looks cool or has a cool name.
The SPAS-12 manual called it a “Special Purpose Assault Shotgun” and it was going to be banned.
They edited the manual to “Sporting Purpose Automatic Shotgun” and it was A-OK.
Too bad the folks who made the Street Sweeper didn’t change the name to the Sodacan Sweeper………
This is actually a rumor being spread by “Big Gun”. They miss the good ol days of post-election 2008 when they could double the price of so-called assault rifles and still not keep them on the shelves.
Lee Oswald chose a bolt action rifle.
No, the CIA planted that, everyone knows he was innocent, that’s why Nixon had him killed, George Bush, the real killer, was on the grassy knoll with a 500 caliber assault bazooka with a 4000 round clip and depleted uranium bullets that vaporize after they kill you. You people are so uninformed.
Any gun that doesn’t already come with an orange tip on the end of the barrel is an “assault weapon” to those on the left and must be banned…HOWEVER, exceptions should be made for their personal bodyguards.
Any weapon of any sort when attached to dinosaurs, but especially laser beams.
So how would one define a Non-Assault based gun? I think the reason for guns is for assault! Knives are also used for assault as well as fists, knees, feet and elbows. I suppose if the gun goes “pew, pew, pew” it would probably be ok with liberals. (I always love that one!)
Is “Greatest battle implement ever devised” a cool name? Whatever the answer, if they ever ban the Garand, I hope Patton rides again.
I can hit a swiftly moving animal in the heart from 700 yds with a single shot rifle. What do you suppose even an average marksman could do to a slow moving pot induced hippy?
An assault weapon is anything that marxists don’t like. Like squirt guns, cap guns, and anything that may protect you or your family from illegal gangs, mexicans, or other democrat voters.
teddy kennedy’s car has killed more people than any of my rifles, hand guns, or shotguns.
The ban on DDT has killed more people than all firearms in the U.S. for the entire history of the country.
More people die in car accidents each year by careless democrats than by all non-gang or criminal firearm deaths.
* if it looks mean.
* if it could be mistaken as a prop used by Rambo.
* or Hans Gruber. (ho-ho-ho)
* if it doesn’t come with a criss-cross strap with licorice sticks where bullet should be stored
* absence of cork-on-a-string
* did I say it looks “mean?”
* ok, it looks scary, too….fear is an emotion, and liberals make policy based on emotions.
*Doesn’t have a flag saying, “Wyld Stallyns Rule” pop out when you pull the trigger.
*Isn’t a bong.
*Isn’t a flowerpot.
Black powder is RAAAAAAAACIST!!! You should call it “powder of color.” And we should mix it in the appropriate ratio with white powder, red powder, yellow powder and brown powder. It won’t make muskets fire any more, but that’s the point: to stop you shooting liberals in the junk.
The barrel doesn’t bend into a U shape when some hippie chick sticks a flower in it.
While on a shooting rampage you have to change clips less often than Michael Moore changes his underwear.
The firepower can be replicated with Mentos and soda.
If it’s longer than it’s wide at a NOW meeting.
*Isn’t a 6 Flaggs ride.
*Doesn’t come equipped with a blue blankey.
**Turns a head into something resembling a canoe
**Creates “pink mist” where none existed before
**goes: blam-blam-blam-blam-blam-blam-blam–click–slap–click-blam-blam-blam-blam-blam-blam…
* Has a ‘shoulder thing that goes up’
“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ospNRk2uM3U”
“Wait a minute, this is the future. Where are all the phaser guns?”
– Simon Phoenix, Demolition Man, 1993.
things which make leftists feel assaulted?
*mentioning real history like
-that Arabs rounded up west Africans 2b sold as slaves
-east Africans (Kenya) helped Arabs round up west Africans to sell into slavery
-western states have low black populations because they did not support slavery or largely take part in the civil war.
-that the civil war was as much about slavery as Iraq was about 9/11
-KKK was established by the democratic party to control the black vote
-Democrats controlled majority of southern states until 1994
-That if Chris Dodd, maxine waters, Ted Kennedy, etc… had been republicans they would have been in jail doing long sentences
also things they encounter that makes them feel assualted
*height restrictions at theme parks
*when people flaunt their birth certificates
*talk radio
*basketball hoops over 7ft high
*score cards
*sports broadcasts
*in general people who disagree with them who are allowed to talk
*separate light switches for the same light
*history books that mention Che was a racist murderous thug
*borders and fences
*when he post office looses the allowance check from their mom
*when racist animals refuse to wear pro-Obama clothes
*stereotypes about people other then whites- christians- conservatives etc..
*off-white and darker people who dont vote for them
*their old bumper stickers like “dissent is the highest form of patriotism” and “not my president”
*recordings of their own Trotsky like opinion changes based on which party is involved.
Number one thing that makes Leftists feel insulted….
-Combined death tolls of socialists leaders over the last century
220Million +/-30million lost bodies of peasant farmers who needed to be reeducated to get with the Utopian vision.
paper “clip”