Ignorance Is Yummy

So one of the most devastating pieces of information that has come out of Wikileaks is what Taco Bell “seasoned beef” really is. It’s only 35% beef and the rest is stuff like water, isolated oat product, wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch, and sodium phosphate. Now, you’re probably saying it’s good they put an anti-dusting agent in it because you wouldn’t want it collecting dust when they leave it out on counter for days, but the rest of the stuff is a little disturbing. And that’s why people are suing Taco Bell to change the name of their seasoned beef to something more accurate like “meat-flavored oatmeal”.

Just like with national security secrets, I come down firmly saying these are things the public just doesn’t need to know. We understand something is off with fast food — no one has ever cooked a burger in their homes that even slightly resembled a McDonald’s hamburger — but it’s tasty and it’s cheap and that’s all we really need to know. Will knowing what a chicken nugget is actually composed of make us safer? No, it will only make us more afraid. As long as the FDA ensures these things won’t kill me too quickly, all we really need to know about what we shove down our pie hole is that it is salty and tasty. And if it eventually mutates us over time into vampires, we kinda figured we were going there one way or another anyway.

27 Comments

  1. I’m not a lawyer,but the key word is SEASONED beef, meaning it has been ‘seasoned’ with water, isolated oat product, wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodextrin, anti-dusting agent, autolyzed yeast extract, modified corn starch, and sodium phosphate. The ad people ran it past the corporate lawyers, and got the thumbs up.

    Judging from the bookshelves at home, I suspect that my wife is an anti-dusting agent.

  2. Son of Bob, I ate at a Wendy’s a month or so ago in sheer desperation. I was stunned anew by the food’s terrible qualities. Enjoy a sodium sandwich with sodium potato-type substance, both served with sodium “beverage”!

  3. You ignoramuses! Don’t you know in the future, all restaurants will be Taco Bell? It’ll be the only place to survive the fast food wars. I, for one, welcome our oat product bearing overlords.

  4. I thought only teenager’s who haven’t ever had real food ever ate at fast food joints anyway. Not that they would ever read an article, but maybe the Wiki place will get their attention…….as it seemed to get yours, Frank.
    Snap out of it, man.

  5. Let me be serious, just for a moment. Loser pays. All civilized countries in the world have legal systems in which the loser of a lawsuit pays the winner. If we had such a system, this idiotic suit would never happen because after she lost, this imbecilic woman would have to pay by being hit in the head with a boat oar. Repeatedly. And hard.

  6. The trial would go like this:

    Lawyer for the defense: Is the name of your company, “One Hundred Percent Beef Company?”
    Executive: No
    Lawyer: It’s not “Amalgamated Pure Beef, Incorporated?”
    Executive: No
    Lawyer: “Freerange Beef, Incorporated?”
    Executive: No.
    Lawyer (raising his voice and pointing at the witness): What in fact, indeed, is the name of the company for whom you work and from which comes this tasty food product!
    Executive: We’re owned by Yum Brands, Inc.
    Lawyer: I rest my case.
    Judge: Case dismissed.

  7. California has deep problems but it has…….

    IN N OUT BURGER!
    (http://www.in-n-out.com)

    Every time you eat there its like being in a time warp where the food is great, fresh, fast, and cheap – and the people are totally and genuinely enthusiastic. Its really like a time warp!

    Whenever I am just about ready to move outta CA, I remember that In-n-Out is only found in CA, NV, UT and AZ, and three of those are darn deserts!

  8. of all the topics you’ve introduced since the Princess was born, the only one that really interested me was your essay on Taco Bell. I would like to share here I went to MacDonalds last week which I never do and I ordered a egg and sausage macmuffin or whatever and BOY was that good ! I went back the next day and ordered it all over again but the place kind of was depressing so now I make my own breakfast or eat in a nice coffee shop but that experience was heavenly. Also, did you ever get in a cab in NYC where somebody had apparently eaten Macdonalds french fries? The aroma is so powerful it was really wonderful. Tricky miracles they perform in those laboratories. Just weighin’ in on a most delectable topic !

  9. Well, the problem is that they aren’t using potato byproducts in there. If the Taco Bell or McDonald’s burger were just meat and potatoes, all would be well! Same with the drinks, only fermented.

  10. Food Nazi’s are like all Nazi’s! They wish to deprive us of any pleasure in anything in life! I personally don’t care what they say and eat as I wish. The Nazi’s that bother me the most are the Weather Nazi’s who get on the TV every night to tell me that the world is ending because a thunderstorm or snow storm is moving through the area, and then break into my TV watching every 5 minutes to show me their fancy pants radar and stuff! It’s weather you idiots! We can walk outside and see what’s going on!!!

  11. hehe….gee, and I thought the ingredients were written on the side of the damn box those bags of goop come in. Great investigating there Lou, only took you a decade or few to catch unto that evil corporate plot.

  12. “As long as the FDA ensures these things won’t kill me too quickly, all we really need to know about what we shove down our pie hole is that it is salty and tasty.”

    Just because you don’t care (and personally, I don’t care, either), it’s definitely a good thing that this information has been made available to those who do care.

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