So an escaped monkey was caught in Japan — after it bit one hundred and twenty people. Just try and imagine that — one hundred and twenty people it just walked up and bit. This is a monkey that must have spent all its days and nights hunting down people to bite them. It was just absolutely in love with the thought of biting people.
This is something we luckily don’t have to deal with in the U.S. For one, we don’t have any native monkeys to North America because the Founding Fathers wisely shot them all. Secondly, we have guns. Some countries think all the guns we have in America makes us uncivilized, but tell me what sounds more civilized: Carrying a gun or getting constantly bit by monkeys? Why do you think we invented guns? IT WAS SO MONKEYS WOULD STOP BITING US!
And doesn’t this undermine your whole perception of Japan? Usually people think of Japan as almost this advanced race with technology and gadgets far beyond what we have. And they get bit by monkeys. Maybe you guys need to work less on computers and robots and more on getting monkeys to stop biting you.
This puts a new perspective on the Second World War. Is Hawaii free of monkeys?
Isn’t, Japan, like 500 million people on an island the size of Manhattan? The monkey probably bit 125 people because just biting into a banana puts you in contact with 10 people shoulder to shoulder.
Yeah, but we have a giant monkey that’s been walking up and down the streets raping hundreds of millions of Americans for two full years…and he’s still not been stopped. So, which is the more civilized society?
They have singing and dancing robots in Japan, how hard is it to make a monkey killing robot?
so is this a new kind of Carnivorous Monkey?
and can they be trained to bit Liberals?
if so put me down for 20
Makes you think twice about saying “Bite me!”
In fairness, they probably just thought it was an American tourist and were being too polite to say anything. I mean, I bit close to three dozen people before anyone told me to knock it off.
Good thing we’re not using taxpayer money to breed them in Puerto Rico…..OOPS…..Nevermind.
The Japanese monkey answers the age old question. Why do monkeys throw poo?
A: Because they can’t get past the bars to bite you.
Was Scary Evil Monkey part of a Cultural Exchange Program? Hee weel eet ur i-balls and fling poo at yoo, then mate with all the female Japanese Macaques just because he can.
Isn’t, Japan, like 500 million people on an island the size of Manhattan?
Actually, Manhattan is 500 million people on an island the size of Manhattan. I’m with Hank Williams, Jr., on the idea of being in New York.*
We have a solution for monkeys here. They freeze to death five months of the year.
*”Just send me to hell, or New York City – it’d be about the same to me.”
@Marko: Hawai’i (note politically correct spelling so as not to hurt the feelings of native Hawaiians) is a monkey free zone (MFZ). It has been that way ever since Hawaiian saint Kor-Nho-Lio drove them into the sea five or six years ago.
hmmm. Must be like eating Chinese. A half hour later, you are hungry again.
We got rid of the British and Monkeyes. We done good! Of course if they lived up here their nads would freeze off and go rolling down the driveway and the squirrels would be chomping on them before they could do anything about it…
So how do you know it’s not a cybermonkey?
Where were all the ninja’s to subdue the monkey danger? Out fighting pirates no doubt.
@Son of Bob “but we have a giant monkey that’s been walking up and down the streets raping hundreds of millions of Americans for two full years..”
And her husband keeps spending our money.
We get liberals and they get biting monkeys. They may have the better deal….
thought that all those ninja’s would take care of the monkey………..mmmmm maybe ninja’s are afraid of monkeys. also like we have guns wouldn’t they being Japanese have samurai swords. just wondering……
Isn’t this how AIDS got started?
Of course if they lived up here their nads would freeze off and go rolling down the driveway and the squirrels would be chomping on them before they could do anything about it…
And that’s probably true for the monkeys, too.
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General MacArthur made the Japanese scrap all their samurai swords, even the cheap knock-offs they made to behead Chinese in the 1930s. Thus, we have the demonstration of an attendant danger of living in a disarmed country. (Actually, the Japanese peasants were disarmed centuries before; only samurai could carry weapons legally, which is why marshal arts weapons look like farm implements. At least that’s what the marshal arts guy I knew in school told me.)