So we’re a couple days into the sequester; how is everyone holding out? You may seem fine now, but let’s not underestimate the devastating effects of having marginally smaller government. In fact, to keep order in this country, maybe we can all pick up some of the slack of our 2% smaller government.
THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP REPLACE GOVERNMENT
* While friends and neighbors are trying to work on useful things, yell at them.
* If anyone needs something from you, make him wait in a line.
* Propose big, new, unproven ideas that you have no idea how to fund.
* Do your best not to comprehend the needs or concerns of anyone.
* Advise people on how to do jobs you’ve never done yourself.
* Make people fill out lots of forms before doing anything, no matter how simple.
* Build a bridge for no particular reason.
* Point a gun at people and take money from them. Spend the money frivolously.
Any other ideas on how we make it like government is still around in full force?
If anybody finishes anything say, “You didn’t build that.”
Start every response with, “Malarky.”
Why, yes, Frank! Here’s something we can do now:
Obama DHS Purchases 2,700 Light-Armored Tanks to Go With Their 1.6 Billion Bullet Stockpile
These are for America. The really ARE expecting an armed insurrection, aren’t they?
@3 – Great. We’re all Branch Davidians now…
FedEx your AR-15 (and ammo) to the Muslim Brotherhood.
@4 – or Blanch Obamians.
Wait until someone comes up with something new and innovative, then arrest and fine them for breaking the law. There are a million laws, so every moment of the day you are breaking one.
* Suspend any high school student who flexes his arms and says “check out these guns!”
* Infiltrate fast food restaurants and whenever someone orders a burger and fries, tell them “That’s not healthy!” and give them a salad (but charge them for a steak).
* If there are more than one way to perform a job, choose the one that has the highest cost and least chance of success.
* Pay for someone else’s cell phone bill.
* Threaten a reporter for reporting the obvious.
Follow someone around. If they reach for a sixteen-ounce soda, slap it out of their hands.
Grab someone’s kid. Tell them your version of history. Do not stop repeating it until they are twenty years old.
Follow a cop around. Whenever they stop someone you like the look of, tell the cop that person must go free. Allow the cop to detain the other people who you don’t particularly like the look of.
So how’s that homebuilt drone for spying on your neighbors coming along? C’mon guys: You gotta help your everyone feel as safe as when Big Fly is watching them…
*Feel up people at the airport.
Create idiotic hashtags on your Twitter account.
*Call your employer nasty names then demand that he pay you more money.
No matter what someone does for a living, say “A-ha! That has an impact on interstate commerce!!” and then issue your own regulations.
@14: DamnCat, you’re sick. Go see a Vet.
Find someone who is just sitting around doing nothing. Say “Did you know the Constitution says that a tax on inactivity is allowed? Well, it does.” Take some of their stuff.
Prohibit things at random. Make sure that nobody knows what they are.
When your supervisor asks you why you aren’t working, tell him 1) you’re on break, 2) you’ve outsourced everything that’s not specified in your job description, and 3) it’s one of those federal holidays that’s a great excuse to do nothing, and you’re celebrating. Not working while being present and pulling in a fat paycheck is a great way to show solidarity with our government-sector brothers and sisters.
Get together with your friends, put on matching brown shirts, and grope fellow tax payers(Remember, a taxpayer is an irs designation for a u.s. subject and tax payer is the one from whom the government steals) in the name of occupantcare.
Find a bunch of hippies, take their dope, and redistribute it to those too lazy to buy their own dope.
Take expensive vacations and charge someone else for them.
Refuse to work, explaining that you are Civil Service and you do not have to work to earn a living, earn retirement, earn government-paid Health Care, and earn vacations. If someone questions you, you simply put out a “Closed” sign and tell them you are on a break.
Golf.
If all else fails:
http://youtu.be/EM-lxsxeXBI
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