I was shopping online for a Mother’s Day gift for the wife. I was looking at cookbooks because what wife wouldn’t want a cookbook for Mother’s Day, and I happened upon this one. Cooking with Coolio: The Ghetto Gourmet. I had to get it and check out his techniques. Here are some of his innovative approaches to cooking on an underclass budget.
- For that extra zing, cook your pasta in that leftover bong water.
- In a pinch, crackhead sweat can be a tangy substitute for salt.
- The secret to cooking that meth to the magical 99% purity is just a sprinkling of cumin.
- To give your pasta salad that special crunch and a little extra protein, sprinkle on a few toenail clippings.
- The #14 sieve is the perfect tool for getting the dose just right for your peanut-crack brittle.
- If your bottles of dried herbs are bare, cannabis can be substituted for anything.
- If you are desperate, food stamps can be used to roll your joints.
- To get that tough round steak perfectly tender, the best technique is the simple pimp slap.
- When you have that extra special ho coming over, large cockroaches look just like little crayfish. Or if she doesn’t like seafood, when properly cooked, leg of stray resembles leg of lamb.
- Wine just tastes better when you steal it yourself.
- And most importantly, remember that all meals taste better when prepared with that special, intangible ingredient: Misogyny.
His chapter titled “Saturday’s Dog Fight Loser Is Sunday’s Dinner Winner!” was especially fun.
Just like Sunday dinner in the Obama home.
Just like Mother Jones used to make.
If you get your wife a cookbook for Mother’s Day I hope you can duck quick. Make sure you get a big one. Taste of Home, The Joy of Cooking and Better Homes and Garden come to mind. Don’t forget to give it to her early so she has enough time to use it that day and make sure you mention that when you give it to her. She’ll really appreciate your thoughtfulness. Bon chance and c’est la mort!
Oh and mortality challenged YGDFT!YLTATSOTE!
@4 but here is the inside joke. It was our anniversary Monday, and what did my wife give me for our anniversary? Yep. A Martha Stewart cookbook. She has it coming. But I am gonna get me a more comfy couch first.
Ghetto Bacon to seanmahair!
http://tinyurl.com/YGDFTYLTATSOTE
@6:
105-Year-Old Pearl Cantrell Reveals Her Secret to Long Life – Bacon (TX)
news.com.au | May 8, 2013
At 105-YEARS-OLD, Pearl Cantrell most definitely wants bacon with that. “I love bacon, I could eat it for every meal – and I do!”, the Texas granny told a local TV station… News of her faith in bacon reached a local producer, Oscar Mayer. They organised a special treat via fast food outlet Weinermobile.
* Red wine with the Big Mac
* White wine with the filet o’fish
* Colt-45 may be considered a condiment