John Edwards invented cocaine so that he could stay up all night admiring himself in the mirror.
Bonus Facts from Jim:
John Edwards believes that the three biggest issues facing America today are: poverty, health care, and split ends.
A review of John Edwards’s legal career proves that he can do what no other current candidate can do… embarrass lawyers.
Adult Bonus Facts containing references to anatomy that might make SarahK blush… over here.
After cocaine, John Edwards stays up all night rubbing his soft skin ON the mirror. Mirrors are smooth and silky like that.
Of course, he’s lately been hitting the mirror hard the last few weeks; he realizes he only has until the 3rd and then he’s done for the year. John Edwards so idolizes Miss Manners that he refuses to wear white after Labor Day, including his coke.
The other day after snorting several lines of pixie stix John Edwards was overheard to say :
“I’m a lil Peepot Snort and Pout this is my handle and this is my….hmm what is this called again?
Mommy what is this thing called again? Oh that, oh Okay, thanks Mom!
…and this is my other handle Mommy says big boys don’t play with in public.”
Then Mrs. Edwards invented the “Instead of a paper bag, put a mirror on my face move” allowing John to finally achieve an erection.
I was reading Fake Science Monthly & just after the “I Married a SeaBear” article, I saw where John Edwards stated that if he were to win the POTUS, he couldn’t bring himself to say an ‘oath’ because it sounded too harsh, instead, he would just ‘pinky swear’ into office…..
John Edwards thinks there are two Americas,those with good hair and those without.
John Edwards’s young children are said to be very upset that Liza Minelli will soon be their step-mother…