Straight Line of the Day: In Order to Meet New Fuel Economy Standards, Carmakers…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

In order to meet new fuel economy standards, carmakers…

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  1. …are not rating engine output in hamster power

    …are replacing motors with hamster wheels

    …are only selling cars to agencies exempt from the standards

    …are labeling all cars “for off-road use only”

    …are building a privately-funded highway system that isn’t subject to government regulations…like race tracks. (actually that’s a pretty good idea)

    …are just signing over the bail-out checks to the UAW and not even making cars anymore

    …are getting out of the car business

    …experimenting with new fuels like rainbows and unicorn farts

    …started referring to gasoline as “enviro-fuel” effectively rendering the standards pointless since they now use NO gasoline at all! (actually ALSO a pretty good idea)


  2. . . . were tricked into thinking that the government could buy their company and make more efficient cars. The new smart car is shaped like Obama’s head, and all new trucks come with a free driver, also shaped like Obama’s head.


  3. …are eliminating unneeded parts such as doors and brakes.

    …all models sold in Detroit will come already propped up on cinder blocks.

    …the presidents limo will have aerodynamic skirts fitted around Obama’s ears.

    …all models claiming to be 1/32 Cherokee will not have to meet any standards at all.


  4. . . . are following the examples of politicians and Occutards and are making wildly optimistic performance projections they cannot hope to meet, commitments they have no intention of honoring, and promises to deliver union votes to Democrats who will save them when unexpectedly and unforeseeably they are shocked – shocked! – to discover that a car powered by solar wind was not feasible after all.


  5. …will count the distance to any model when Biden plays with his Matchbox cars and goes VROOM VROOM VROOOOOOOOM.

    …will cut guys some slack if they can get out of their car and walk straight into a “Roadhouse” bar and not get embarrassed or beaten up. The money these guys pay for low milage is just a testosterone tax.


  6. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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