Archive of entries posted on October 2005

I’m Not Dead… I Feel Happy…
Or
When People Ask “How’s the Weather?” and Are Actually Interested in the Answer

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Well, the two trees that were leaning from last year’s storms are leaning even more, but I didn’t even lose power this time (well, it flashed off a couple times; once just before I was going to save on a GameCube game). Only one traffic light of many wasn’t working on my way to work. It really was nothing compare to the two that hit our area last year. I actually could have posted about anytime during the hurricane yesterday but didn’t because I was… well… tired. I sincerely doubt there will be any rumors of us reverting to cannibalism.
I’ve heard that 6 million are without power in Florida, so how many people are in Florida?
BTW, the podcast will be a bit delayed this week because of high winds, but should be out by the end of the week (in time for Halloween). I got a preview of an audio bit from our resident photoshopper, cadet happy, and it’s indescribably hilarious. Should be fun.
Finally, I’ve yet to see a cgi error since Friday night, so comment away.
P.S. It’s chilly outside today. It’s never chilly here this time of year…

Scrappleface No Longer Has Comments

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Frank J’s bitter archrival, Scrappleface.com’s Scott Ott, has set up his blog in such a way that comments no longer show on his fake news monstrosity site. I guess having that big book “Axis of Weebles” published has gone to his head or something. Or maybe he contacted some sort of can’t-read-no-more disease from touching all that nasty, filthy money from the sales of his book but whatever. Probably has a premium service with people paying to comment now.
Doesn’t affect anyone around here though, right? Nobody goes over there for any sort of funny or anything, anyway.
Have no fear, comments are still available here, for free, for a limited time.

Update: A more mature blogger would post an update to this entry because it has been proven wrong. Let me make one thing clear, I am NOT that mature blogger.

Xbox Predicts World Series

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Laurence Simon (who is much more knowledgeable about the current Houston v. Chicago World Series than I am) and I talked briefly last night after the Houston Astros’ close game about how he thought the Series will play out.
Laurence had some interesting predictions that made a lot of sense. This morning I find out that the editors at videogame magazine GameSpot ran a “simulated World Series” on a Microsoft Xbox and came to conclusions that are very similar to Laurence’s predictions.
It’s the classic struggle of human against machine! Gary Kasparov vs. Deep Blue, Laurence Simon vs. Xbox, your Aunt Donna vs. the toilet that won’t flush!

Those Gay People in Miami and Key West Have Gotten Us God’s Wrath Again

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Since Wilma was upgraded from a hurricane to death storm, we put the metal storm shutters up, and my place of business has been closed for tomorrow. Just have to sit and wait for the storm. If you don’t hear from me in the next couple days, assume I’m dead, out of power, or lazy as usual.
Actually, assume I’m dead. I’d love to come back to the blogosphere and see tons of glowing eulogies.
If I’m not dead, out of power, or lazy all next week, expect the continuation of the In My World™ to be posted here and the Epilogue for Superego to be posted… somewhere.

Evil Glenn’s Alien

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(A Filthy Lie)
Some of you may have seen this Day By Day cartoon and wondered, “Why does Glenn Reynolds have an alien living at his house?”
Turns out it’s not REALLY an alien. It’s Phin, from Phin’s Blog.
It’s all part of Glenn’s plan to destroy any bloggers who might threaten his rulership of the blogosphere. His first target, naturally, was IMAO. After all, it WAS Frank J. who first exposed his puppy-blending habit.
So he hired Phin, who – bitter at not being invited to join IMAO – agreed to use his awesome photoshopping powers to destroy IMAO once and for all.
With dreams of vengeance twisting his mind, he developed an image so inhumanly revolting that a single glance would send any IMAO reader screaming into the night, clawing at his eyes, never to return again to the now-accursed URL of www.imao.us.
The only way to defeat Evil Glenn’s foul plot is to not view the extended entry…

Continue reading ‘Evil Glenn’s Alien’ »

We Have to Defeat This Happy, Amiable Man!

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I just got a fundraising e-mail from the Democrats trying to use Tom Delay’s mug shot against him. So, they have this whole letter bad-mouthing him, and there he is, smiling and looking like the nicest guy in the world.

Picture from fundraising e-mail.
I never had much of an opinion of Tom Delay before, but right now I think he’s the coolest politician ever from how he threw this indictment right back in the Democrats’ faces. Only way this could have been better if the Democrats got him to do the perp walk like they wanted, but he did it while struting to the tune “Staying Alive.”

In My World: The Terrorist and the Dictator

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PREVIOUS

“Why are you only going 35 mph?” Saddam demanded.
“Because we’re in a school zone,” Zarqawi answered.
“But you blow up children all the time!”
Zarqawi thought for a moment and then slapped his forehead. “Oh yeah, I’m a terrorist. Duh.”
He then sent the Ford Bronco full speed through a school crossing.

“That is not how you do a low speed chase,” Dubya complained as he watched the white vehicle speed away, “and my horse is lumpy!”
“It’s a camel, son,” George Bush Sr. responded.
Dubya punched his camel in the head. “That’s for getting kids to smoke!”
The camel turned and spit in Dubya’s face.
“Aieee! They have defenses of some sort!”

“You know what I want, Saddam,” Zarqawi stated as they continued to drive away.
“Bah! You cannot control such power!” Saddam answered.
“You will help me, or I will give you back to the Americans!”
“Fine. But the weapon will be mine so I can regain my presidency. Then I’ll help you out in your cause.”
“You’ll rid the Middle East of the Americans and the jooos?” Zarqawi asked hopefully.
“Except for my lawyer; I might need him.” Saddam then noticed something in the passenger side mirror. “We’re being attacked by George Bushes!”

George Bush Sr. and son were right up next to the Ford Bronco on a motorcycle. “Do you hear anything, son?”
“Yeah, they’re discussing something about how they don’t want us to hear about… uh… Stalin’s secret stash. Oh, and now they’re talking about using a gun to shoot the two of us.”
“Die American dog-pigs!” Saddam yelled as he leaned out the window and fired at the Bushes.
Bush Sr. pulled out a gun. “Time to do what I should have done years ago,” he said as he aimed at Saddam.
Dubya tried to grab the gun. “No! I get kill him! I’m President now!”
“You let go!”
“No, you let go!”
The motorcycle then lost control and ran into a cactus on the side of the road.
“Ow! Cacti are pointy!”

The two Bushes stumbled there way into a nearby military base. “Hey, it’s the president!” shouted Buck the Marine.
“How ya doin’?” Dubya asked as he pulled cactus needles out of his side.
“Well, I’m on my ninth tour of duty here. Any idea when the war in Iraq thingee will be over?”
Dubya shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno. Sounds more like a question for my successor’s successor.”
“We need to find out what is this secret stash of Stalin that Saddam and Zarqawi is after,” Bush Sr. said, “Might be some unknown commie weapon.”
“Sounds like it’s time for an adventure!” Dubya exclaimed. “Now where is my adventure hat…”

At a lone tent in the desert, Saddam and Zarqawi slowly entered.
“I know what you seek,” said the blind seer, “but I shall only help those pure of heart.”
“I have ten American dollars,” Saddam announced, pulling out a crumpled ten dollar bill.
“Let’s get going then!”
TO BE CONTINUED…

Friday Catblogging

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Since it’s Friday, I thought I’d spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka “I-MEOW”).
Today, it’s Nardo the Horribly Stupid attacking a ribbon-toy:


If you’re not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that “political humor” thing, it doesn’t. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Nardo is… um…
Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.
(For more animal goodness, try Friday Ark today and Carnival of the Cats on Sundays.)