I’ve seen lots of webpages and e-mail forwards about interesting little known facts, thus I thought I’d put up my own list of astonishing facts.
ASTONISHING FACTS
* One out of five dentists have been convicted of a violent crime.
* Wolves only lick what they intend to eat. The reason a dog will lick a human’s hand without eating it is from centuries of selective breeding.
* 1% of American men are or have given serious thought to being a serial killer.
* The “fact” that the earth is flat used to be in Democratic Party platform.
* Ron Paul has the highest documented IQ of any known presidential aspirant past or present.
* Garlic is poisonous until cooked.
* Studies have shown that, if you own a handgun, you’re twice as likely to die of pneumonia.
* If the Sun weren’t in a vacuum, it would make a sound similar to crickets chirping.
* The first ever warm, home-delivered meal was liver and onions.
* Banana flesh is genetically similar to human skin.
* The word “the” is spoken only three times in the movie Casablanca.
* The first ever bullets were made from human bone.
* Sharks can swim backwards nearly as fast as they can forwards, but they only ever do it for mating.
* Tiger Woods has never done better than par on eighteen holes of a miniature golf course.
* The first ninjas were primarily letter carriers.
#1 certainly must be true. Anyone who inflicts pain for a living probably does it for fun after hours too. Or maybe I just don’t like dentists. Yeah, that’s it.
Pirates only fly the Jolly Roger when they want to share their yummy candy.
Marines prefer to hug their enemies than shoot them.
Frank and Sarah have never owned a firearm.
The girls in your t-shirt ads really live in my harem.
Tofu is made of ground up hippy as kind of a sick joke.
Al Sharpton invented heroin.
Scientologist havn’t declared inter-steller jihad because the aliens won’t share their thanatos technology for suicide bombs.
The writer Ambrose Bierce is best known for having mysteriously disappeared. Few are aware that he had spent years documenting: mysterious disappearances.
LIHOP and MIHOP are really code words for: I am ready for that straight jacket.
Cinnamon is a tree bark.
The leaves of the rhubarb plant are poisonous, but the stems make the most delicious pies.
The reason that Islamic Terrorists are so willing to martyr themselves is that after wasting billions of dollars and more than forty years of research studying Hippies, they have concluded there is no such thing as a “Bippy”.
Believe it or not, until the 1960s, the DummieCrapic Party refused to allow Socialists into their ranks.
Ron Paul is actually the Second Coming.
Soylent Green is people.
Soylent Yellow is also people.
Helen Thomas and dinosaurs lived concurrently. Only Helen’s exoskeleton allowed her to survive the asteroid impact.
Giant, flying hamsters, introduced by blood-thirsty U.S. troops, have slaughtered 2,380,378,298 Iraqi civilians in the past two days. (If you can’t trust an AP stringer, who can you trust?)
Ron Paul is not a servant of Zelnorm. (He’s more of an independent contractor.)