John Edwards doesn’t eat oatmeal for the same reason he doesn’t eat marshmallows – too darn spicy!
Bonus Facts from Chris:
John Edwards is so soft because Fred Thompson ‘tenderized’ him.
Toilet paper engineers are working ’round the clock to create a product that is John Edwards soft.
John Edwards is taking notes from How Stella Got Her Groove Back for another run at office.
John Edwards once took a walk on a foggy morning and returned home covered with an angry red rash from the abrasion.
On the Brinell Scale of Hardness John Edwards is a “-1000.” Physcists have yet to find anything softer in the known universe.
Avon is sued John Edwards for infringing on the patented “Skin so Soft” lotion. They settled when he offered to promote the product to the public stating it will make your skin ALMOST as soft as his.
When asked why he wore lifts in his shoes, John Edwards’ spokewoman stated they aren’t lifts, he needs to use three Dr. Scholl’s Air Pillow Insoles to stop the bruising if he stands longer than 7 minutes.
John Edwards testicles are so bouyant that he cannot submerge.
Well, that used to be true. Now, they’re so small you can’t see them and his hair keeps him afloat.
John Edwards does not need lifts! That is a lying smear!
He’s just light in his loafers.
awww…..So-Crates beat me to it…. =0(
GMTA, eh So-Crates?!
This ones dumb, but: John Edwards is so soft, he has to borrow Iron Mans armor suit to get a massage.
John Edwards is so delicate he has his wife crush up his Midol and feed it to him with a speculum.
J Edwards will never be Pres-a-Dent Becaaase he Tacks Lak A BAAAAAAABEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
John Edwards is so soft that while a Senator he was frequently used to dust off Robert Byrd. Sometime later he broke three fingers playing Cat’s Cradle with his toddler. He successfully sued the string manufacturer.
That’s wrong. I have it on good authority that John Edwards stays away from marshmallows for fear of chipping a tooth.
I don’t have anything good. I just love these John Edwards facts and I’m glad the elections not for another year because they’re the best!
I read somewhere that John Edwards is so soft, he doesn’t like to use his bidet because he gets bruises on his butt cheeks.