30 Comments

  1. Ah, you tapped into a primal fear. Why do the skwerls look at me with that knowing wink just before they impishly dash off? Why do these rodent-monkeys spend so much time playing Frogger in heavy traffic? Is it some kind of skwerl-ninja initiaon rite? Why do they veer right into my bike tire as I seek to avoid squashing them? Just what do they do with all those cheeseburger wrappers and acorns? Why do they so enjoy tormenting my stupid cats?

  2. Well, they have attacked people in parks here in Silicon Valley (specifically Mountain View) recently. “Experts” (how does one become an expert on squirrel motivation?) have said that they were seeking food because some folks had been feeding them, but I think that that’s just a cover-up. They’ll be taking laptop computers soon, and then hijacking cars.
    Do you think that I could get a job as a speechwriter for Dennis Kucinich?

  3. My neighbor decided it was good idea to tame our’s by teaching them to take peanuts out of his hands. Now when one starts eating sunflowers out of my birdfeeder I go out to tell him to scram and he tells me to go F’Myself! Then I open the sliding door and unleash Slammin’ Sam by cat…the little prick get’s the message!

  4. The answer is YES, squirrels are up to no good at all. They have been trained to attack soldiers such as my husband. A squirrel bit his finger so hard that the vermin’s teeth went through my husband’s fingernail. Now I have to put up with his foaming at the mouth, cursing for no reason, and addiction to computer games. DAMN YOU, SQUIRREL!!

  5. What noone but me and a few Kossacks know is that Reagan started a war between the pigeons and the squirrels to maintain U.S. Supremacy in public parks. Just like everything ever done by a conservative ever, this has become a disaster, quagmire and is spilling into out streets. The squirrels are quite literally biting the hand that fed them.

  6. How dare you question loyal American squirrels, they bravely spy on our enemies throughout the world. Need we forget the sacrifices of our squirrel brethren so soon after 3 of them have been executed while bravely spying on Iran?

  7. What? Of course they’re up to something! Ever watch the Foamy cartoons? Beginnings of two squirrel songs: “I am the lord and master,” and “I will kill you all.”
    Foamy’s really awesome, though. He’s the one crazed dictator I’d support.

  8. How dare you question loyal American squirrels, they bravely spy on our enemies throughout the world. Need we forget the sacrifices of our squirrel brethren so soon after 3 of them have been executed while bravely spying on Iran?
    We sleep sound at night in the knowledge that ROUGH squirrels stand ready to defend our nuts….

  9. The squirrels are only one half of Bush’s secret army. These airborne-tree dwellers make up the Luftwaffe, while their land terrain brethren, the chipmunk, make up the 2nd and 12th Panzer Divisions.
    All this while the UN deliberates on whether to bow to the pressure and appease with hazelnuts or cashews.

  10. Squirrels always remind me of liberals–twitchy, incomprehensible, cantankerous and crazy about nuts. Seriously, soon the squirrels will be starting up their own blog and spouting weird conspiracy theories about how Booooosh invaded Iraq just to harvest all the nuts for Halliburton…on a similar note, I think that squirrel pic you’ve got up there bears an uncanny resemblance to Kos…
    “Posted by: will.see on August 2, 2007 04:46 PM

    ROFL!!!!! South Park is awesome!

  11. I’m not sure about the squirrels, but there’s a rabbit that hides out in the tool shed just across our property line. That s.o.b. is plotting against us! Coming out for recon, then running back inside to work on his strategery.

  12. I used to shoot them & eat them with sauteed mushrooms…it’s as if they know. Everywhere I go, they’re watching me.
    Now, my yard has become infested with black squirrels that are particularly nimble. The only conclusion I can make?
    Ninja Squirrels.

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