Monkeys have assassinated a politician in New Delhi. I’m sure we’ll hear of more mysterious deaths there soon before the monkeys finally declare their monkey rule and control the populace with an iron paw.
Part of the problem is that Hindus feed the monkeys thinking they are manifestations of Hanuman, the monkey god, when in fact they are servants of Satan, the monkey god. Another problem is that they use langurs, a larger monkey, to scare off the current monkeys. Don’t fight monkeys with monkeys! Eventually the langurs will realize the people are dependent on them and use that against them!
If you think this doesn’t concern you, you are wrong! If you don’t like outsourced customer service now, just wait until the one asking you to hold is a monkey!
(hat tip to every single one of my readers)
Ninja attacks are also in the news, so we are doubly unprepared to deal with monkey ninjas; let’s hope Fred Thompson wins the election to turn this situation around 🙂
http://www.theinquirer.net/gb/inquirer/news/2007/10/22/stallman-attacked-ninjas
what’s Fred Thompson’s position on monkey domination?
and just wait until we get robot monkeys who become sentient in their artificial-articficial-intelligence and rise up against mankind. then we’ll really be screwed.
Just like in “High Plains Drifter”
Is this a CIA plot to help the monkey-faced liberals gain power here?
Were they flying monkeys and where was Hillary ?
I’ve been preparing for this for years. My safehouse is fully loaded with weapons and food, and I’ve already started a list of people who are monkey moles.
Too bad he wasn’t wearing his yellow hat. It might have saved him.
Much like ‘possum, monkey vittles is tasty!
I always laugh when I see posts like this:
“All yer politicians are belong to Hanuman!!!
If Hitlery gets elected,…the chimp will definatly be on the horse.
(give it a minute, it will come to ya)
I think we should solicit spacemonkey’s opinion on this.
I’ve been saying for years that mutant ninja monkeys were plotting my demise, but no one would believe me.
You know, it isn’t paranoia if you are right!!!
In Indian accent: “Hello, you have reached technical support. My name is Susan. How may I eat your eyeballs today?”
From what I understand, the attack was justified as the monkeys had been oppressed. The monkeys are really “Freedom Fighters” fighting back against the aggressive acts of the government…and, it was Bush’s fault.
What if the monkeys have something far more sinister in mind than customer support? What if they are trying to gain control of India’s nuclear arsenal so they can “Nuke the moon” first?
true fact: a person killed by a monkey is reincarnated as one. monkeys are kind of like zombies, I guess.
our only hope may be the robot monkeys and the zombie monkeys starting a civil war.
I think we need to lock spacemonkey into the trunk of a car under suspicion of being a monkey collaberator. Just in case. Saturation bombing the San Diego zoo isn’t a bad move, either.
I’m suprised the Indian government hasn’t sent some secret agents into the village to hunt down the monkey’s and kill them. Of course, after that they would just nuke the village anyway
GODDAMN YOU ALL TO HELLLLLLL
that was funny. even sarahk will give me a break on this one.
I hope.
dave in texas