To help America’s working families, John Edwards vows to do something about the outrageous profits being raked in by Big Mascara.
Bonus Fact from Silicon Valley Jim:
John Edwards’s law school classmates knew that they could find him after class at the local Hooters. Waitressing.
John Edwards once broke every bone in his hand trying to catch a wiffle ball.
He almost looks like a gay James West from “Wild, Wild West”.
So, what’s he gonna do? Force sharing of profits with big erectile dysfunction medical companies?
He promises, if elected, to wear dresses more often than Hillary. And his inaugural gown will be nicer than hers, too. So there!
Just ruined Hooters….
Top Secret: John is going after big mascara to divert attention from the fact that he is raking in profits off of big lip gloss.