Not a full video! Just a teaser! Full video Monday!

For what possible reason does anyone still live in Detroit?

Here’s my new idea for getting rid of hippies. Let’s put out this announcement:

Due to increased global warming, polar bears are increasingly scared and sad. The only solution is to give them hugs. Thus, as citizens of the earth, we need to go out and hug polar bears now. So just go up to them and start hugging. They may bear their teeth, swing their paws, and roar, but that’s just polar bear for “I’m scared and need a hug!” If you are too intimidated to hug an adult polar bear, at least hug a baby polar bear then. Just make sure the mother polar bear is watching because it likes to chaperone that sort of thing. Soon the mother should be charging at you and roaring its thanks.

The government really should put out stuff like this every so often to control the hippie population; I don’t know why it doesn’t.

Global warming scares me! I need a hug!

Nancy Pelosi has promised Democrats there won’t be any tough votes next year after they all agree to destroy our nation’s health care. So Pelosi has scheduled for 2010 a bunch of votes that should be so unanimous that only Ron Paul would vote against them. Here’s ten of them:

TOP TEN EASY HOUSE VOTES FOR NEXT YEAR

10. A vote to not to go to war with Finland.

9. A condemnation of making vampires sparkle.

8. A vote on what is the opposite of “No”.

7. Acknowledgment of Barney Frank’s many years in the House talking funny.

6. A vote praising nachos for its many years of service as a snack.

5. A bill making the inventor of clamshell packaging an enemy of the state.

4. A vote on what one likes to receive on Christmas (idea is to see if they can get the very first vote where the entire House votes “Present”).

3. Acknowledgment of the fluffiness of kitties and puppies.

2. A vote to rate the House’s effectiveness a B+.

And the number one easy house vote for next year is…

A resolution that voting is fun!

I think I am going to change my name to Nuff.

Then I’ll sue everyone who mis-attributes quotes to me.

I heard from someone — and I can’t really say who — that Rand Paul when he thought no one was around went on and on about how much he likes big government and taxes. Yeah, that’s right: Apparently Rand Paul secretly loves expanding the government and taxing people. Also, apparently he said:

“The only use I have for the Constitution is toilet paper.”

And I don’t even want to repeat the things he supposedly said about a gold-based dollar.

Anyway, this is just what I heard. Pass it around.

It is certainly hard to quantify how much Democrats suck. This is the absolute height of Democrat power: A liberal president who was very popular, large majority in the House, filibuster-proof majority in the Senate. That’s as good as it gets. It only goes down from there. And what have they achieved with such power? Can’t pass a health care bill. Can’t pass their cap & trade bill to fight that global warming that is going to kill us all. Expanded the war in Afghanistan.

This hurts Republicans. Usually one of the arguments made by Republicans is that if Democrats get elected they will pass all this awful legislation, but apparently when the Democrats have full power in D.C. they’ll just flop around and fail to pass things for a couple years. It’s actually kind of entertaining to watch.

Anyway, the issue is getting a grasp of just how much Democrats suck so we can at least try and explain them to future generations. Well, one thing illustrative of that is out of the 58 Democrats in the Senate, Harry Reid was apparently the best of them and thus made leader. Even worse, out of the 258 Democrats in the House, they apparently have none smarter or more personable than Nancy Pelosi. Can you even comprehend that? If Helen Keller were also a quadriplegic, you’re still not quite to the sorry state the Democrats are in. They are such fools that Mr. T has gone from just pitying them to doing a full charity collection for them.

This should caution us, though. Scientists say that too much schadenfreude actually has deleterious effects on the body. So when you see the nutroots and realize this is probably the highpoint of liberals in their lifetime and they’re shrieking and shaking their monkey cages just as much as ever, be careful not to OD.

Who’s your favorite sitting Senator? Mine is Joe Lieberman, the most powerful Senator there is.

For all the Kos Kids screaming and biting each other and shaking their monkey cages, their greatest accomplishment so far was pushing Lieberman out of the Democratic Party and making him more powerful than ever before. Also, they changed his politics from “pro-war, but otherwise solid Democrat” to “I’ll pick whatever position makes those weird, bug-eyed Kos Kids screech the loudest”. Thus he’s the one holding up Obamacare, demanding no public option and no Medicare expansion and getting it. If he wanted a provision in the health care bill saying, “Joe Lieberman is King Awesome, and Harry Reid has a small penis,” it would go in there and be underlined. Even the White House has told Reid, “Give Lieberman all he asks for so that he might not turn against us with his terrible anger!”

If only people had listened to Karl Rove, who a couple years ago read from the ancient Book of Punditry:

“When the poo eaters try to strike down the one with the countenance of Droopy Dog, he shall grow in such power as to be able to stop the plans of the Large-Eared One.”

Rove then went on about prophecies about the “Huntress from the North”, though I still don’t know what those mean.

Anyway, all the Kos Kids can do now is stand on the sidelines, shake their tiny fists, and shout, “Jooooooo!”… until Lieberman looks their way. Then they scream and run away, burrowing into their dung hills for safety.

So, overall, I’d give the Kos Kids’ efforts to destroy Joe Lieberman a good, solid B+.

I started a Twitter meme yesterday and Ace really got it going where we listed other things we would rate a good, solid B+ based on Obama’s grading scale.

BTW, for those who still think Twitter is gay, in what non-gay things do you start a discussion of politics and Firefly and Chuck‘s Adam Baldwin sometimes joins in? I think that means you’re gay.

Anyway, here’s what I came up with:

Tiger had rated his marriage so far a B+.

Charles Manson’s efforts on reforming… hmm… I’d say that’s a solid B+.

Landing of the Hindenburg is a good, solid B+. A- if it were on time.

Hitler’s relationship with the Jews: B+.

My avoiding Godwin’s Law: B+.

D’oh! Accidentally burnt down the house! Now my home owner’s insurance is going to rate me a B+.

As an apostle, I rate Judas a B+.

Somali pirates’ efforts at defending against Navy SEALs: B+

Rubber is rated a B+ on the electrical conductivity scale.

Current newspaper subscription levels: B+

The show Heroes since the first season: B+

“I don’t know how to tell you this… Let’s just say your body’s ability to fight cancer is a solid B+.”

My wife rated my sexual prowess a B+!

Rosie O’Donnell’s knowledge of materials engineering: B+

“I’m real sorry, Dad, but your car… well, its condition is now a B+.”

A nuclear bomb reduces everything within a few miles to B+ conditions.

Bumblebees: B+

Rabies cure for Old Yeller: B+

The faithful get eternal life in Heaven. Everyone else gets a B+.

“The terrorists say if we don’t soon meet their demands, the situation will become B+.”

New western coming out: “The Quick and the B+”

Darth Vader rated his relationship with his children a B+.

Need to let the dog out so she can do a B+.

* * * *

B+ — it’s the new FAIL. What do you rate a B+?