Straight Line of the Day: A New York City Public School Will Begin Serving Only Vegetarian Meals. Featured on the Menu…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A New York City public school will begin serving only vegetarian meals. Featured on the menu…

65 Comments

  1. Tofu burger topped with cheese made from non-Bovine-Growth-Hormone cow’s milk…wait a minute, Gwyneth Paltrow says cow’s milk is bad for you…topped with soy cheese product, and served on an artisanal bun, wait a minute, that bun may have genetically modified wheat in it. Here’s a celery stick kid. Get outta here.

  2. …are pictures of vegetables so the kids will learn what a vegetable is.

    …is the phone number for the suicide hotline.

    …were pictures of Michael Bloomberg and Adolph Hitler, two famous vegetarians.

    …was the warning: You are not going to die until your death panel says you will.

  3. UGH!! Of course you’d mock the things you are incapable of understanding! A vegan lifestyle is more beneficial for people and you just don’t get that! We don’t need to eat all that meat! Meat is MURDER!! How can you eat a cow??Of course the Jews have it right when they forbid themselves from eating pigs because they’re smart and can see that you just don’t eat something that gobbles up its own excrement!! But vegetables are individual gifts from Gaia Mother Earth. You don’t choke on vegetables but you can choke on chicken or fish bones, idiots!!Who’s ever heard of someone choking on a bunch of parsley??

  4. A New York City public school will begin serving only vegetarian meals. Featured on the menu…

    …directions to New Jersey.

    …pizza, and none of that faggety “Deep-dish” crap from Chicago either.

    … is a list of the proper medications you should be taking.

    … meat, damn bureaucrats can never get these things right.

    … 24oz cup of green tea, no wait it can’t be that big, can it? I’m confused.

  5. @25: Speaking of Looney Tunes,
    the kids will resemble Sylvester on a desert island: “cocoanut salad . . . fresh cocoanut milk . . . New England boiled cocoanut . . . Bah!” [Sweeps plates from table] “I’m a pussy cat! I need meat!”

  6. Mediterranean Surprise (chickpea and lentil ball bearings, bell pepper shrapnel, celery slice nails, with hummus; cooked in a pressure cooker and packed in a specially folded pita bread pouch).

  7. @ rodney dill Re:32

    “I cannot, Master. You are too fast.”

    “No, you are too slow. Your life force is out of balance. Eating nothing but peapods you deny your place in nature. Now go eat a pork chop, my son.”

  8. a “wish sandwich” (where you has two slices of bread and wishes he had some meat),
    a “ricochet biscuit” (which is supposed to bounce off the wall and into your mouth, and when it doesn’t, “you go hungry”),
    also a “cold-water sandwich” and
    a “Sunday-go-to-meeting-bun”

  9. Grandpa’s grits and cornbread too, a mess of collard greens for you, bubbly tortes, and apple pie, bring a tear to your eye. *Group from corn field stands and yells Yum Yum!*. just kidding, you get tofurkey and stale bread with last weeks leftover granola.

  10. @33. Oppo

    Oh, don’t even remind me of the trials of that poor, poor kitty and that nasty, malicious little bird with his kitty hating old hag of a human. The stuff nightmares are made of.

  11. A New York City public school will begin serving only vegetarian meals. Featured on the menu…

    …No Meat? Fugetabottit!

    …the Principal, with some Fava beans and a nice Chianti.

    …the final nail in the coffin of truth, justice and the American way.

  12. A New York City Public School Will Begin Serving Only Vegetarian Meals. Featured on the menu: the “Whole Foods Catch of the Day Burger”. A 1/4 lb. ground meat patty made from vegetarians freshly kidnapped from the Whole Foods store parking lot.

  13. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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