Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
…by trying to golf without slicing.
Learning to carry his own umbrella.
Learning to keep his head out of buckets.
…trying to cut down on calling libertarians GDFT!…. who the heck am I kidding.
…Trying to share things more… like the blame… from Bush to other Republicans
Learning to stand up straight — as oppposed letting his posture go when meeting foreign dignitaries…
Winning Friends and Influencing People Bacon to Rodney Dill!
http://tinyurl.com/YGDFTYLTATSOTE
…trying to be thankful to God for more things…. like natural disasters…. that turn attention away from his scandals.
By trying to give a speech with no more than 5 lies.
Nothing…you wouldn’t touch up the Mona Lisa would you?!!?
Learn how to operate an umbrella without putting an eye out.
@7 Ooooooooo – that’s pretty potent bacon.
By working on his killer drone aim.
Limiting the use of the word “I” during a speach to less than half of the speach’s total word count.
…actually learning to be clear
By trying to pay more attention to what’s going on around him instead of waiting to find out from MSNBC.
…deciding to speak at non-color schools
…learning to shave Michelle’s back
How else is he trying to improve himself? The same way liberals always improve something. By making others look bad.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Obama is already perfect, why are you listening to Joe Biden for chrissakes!
You can’t improve perfection so he’s just trying to make everyone else look worse by comparison.
Learning to read the Constitution all the way through without rolling his eyes.
Long practice sessions at the free throw line so he can break 25%.
OK @walrus! My lawyer will be contacting you directly for copywrite infringement!
By spending more money on himself since to liberals more money = better results.
…he’s starting to wash his hands after using the restroom.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Finally getting rid of those Mom jeans and get hisself some big boy pants.
Growing his own pot, so he won’t have to raid Joe’s stash anymore.
Learning how to make jokes about “Drone Targeting” American citizens. *wink*Wink*
Looking out for new and inventive recipes for dog.
Treating the hired help better, beginning with no longer confiscating their phone records.
…learning to eat his dog with chopsticks, so his Chinese overlords feel more at home at his dinner table
…reading the constitution for the first time, in case he ever gets on Jeopardy, and that’s a category
…stopped using the scrabble helper website when playing Words with Friends
…no longer orders the IRS to investigate anyone who beats him at golf
…started using the Rosetta Stone Spanish CDs so he can speak to his new voting bloc
…now only throws cooked carrots at his secret service guards, which are much softer than the raw ones he used to throw
@21 I think I can skirt the suit, reasonable differences.
…by changing his Secret Service code name to “The Baconator.”
…by not putting so many conservative groups on ‘Double Secret Probation.’
Learning not to tell Joe his unreasonable goals.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Getting to know all the Chakras
…by not yelling, “LEEEROY JENKINS!” everytime before entering the press room.
…by not having the IRS unfairly audit conservative groups that actually complain about being unfairly audited.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Trying to become a Conservative…nah!
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Two words, Ear tuck.
….by not always saying, “Ya di buckety. Rum ting phutaow! Ya ni ni yaoooow!” at the beginning of the National Anthem.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
By expanding his vocabulary to include words like, FREEDOM, LIBERTY, PERSONAL RESPONSIBILILTY and BACON!
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Stop thinking himself as the very model of a modern Major General…
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;a
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news, (bothered for a rhyme)
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’s;
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s din afore, (bothered for a rhyme)b
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev’ry detail of Caractacus’s uniform:c
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon” and “ravelin”,
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin,d
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “commissariat”,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery –
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy – (bothered for a rhyme)
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.e
For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Develop the ability to talk to fish.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Trying to become the First President to go 8 years of his administration without actually making a decision.
…by throwing Joe Biden down a well, for one thing.
…or by reading the Collected Words of Walruskkkch.
@39 I got lots of words, been saving them up my whole life.
@31 Damn! I forgot all about Leroy!
By replacing “Hail to the Chief” with the theme from The Jeffersons.
By putting his head in the toilet bowl three times and only taking it out twice (THAT would be an improvement!)
By saying to himself every morning, three times, “Every day in every way, I am getting better and better!”
By eating only pedigreed dogs from now on.
By having the LSM say that he’s improving himself.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
He’s gonna live in a van down by the river and become a motivational speaker!
He’s become more selective when accepting friend requests from known terrorists on his Facebook account.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Every time he speaks he will introduce himself as “I am President Obama, I am a recovering Goernmentalholic.”
. . . He is learning to govern without a Constitution.
Obama is taking a correspondence course in Civics… taught by a little NBA fan in PyongYang.
@47 Myself don’t spell too good. Governmentalholic!
@41 – It’s so hard keeping on top of all these memes…..
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
By daring to dream the impossible Dream, Fight the unbeatable foe, bear the unbearable sorrow. To run where the brave dare not go.
By finding out there are other sources of knowledge THAN his teleprompter.
By making better IEDs than his mentor!
by going back in time and killing BOOOOOOOOOOSH!
By memorizing these words, “On counsel’s advice, I invoke my right under the Fifth Amendment not to answer, on the grounds I may incriminate myself.”
Every day he gets up, looks in the mirror, and says: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it people like me.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Working on the lip curl for his Elvis impersonation.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Trying to figure out how to hold a Press conference without the Press actually be present.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Trying to get to the point where he can “Just remember” that $80 million he earned for “consulting” one year.
…by learning the difference between a door and a window.
…by learning to walk and chew gum at the same time.
…by learning the number of states in the USA
…by learning to pronounce corpsman
…WAFFLES!
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
He’s practicing so that he can beat the telepromter in basketball, too.
He’s improving his vocabulary by memorizing the true definition of words, starting with ‘fair’ and ‘share’.
He’s acquiring a taste for weird foreign food like “hamburgers” and “apple pie”. (OK, it’s not my line, but it’s still funny)
His new calisthenics routine includes ‘ducking questions’ and ‘running from blame’.
He is applying for college as soon as his term is over, but is having trouble deciding between Colorado and Washington state.
@58 Well, there is always the University of Illinois.
@42 FormerHostage
Well, could be worse; could be Sanford & Son.
@60 “Diff’rent Strokes?”
By manning up and delegating a hundred and ten percent of his authority and responsibility to underlings.
By keeping the water temperature under the boiling point when giving BO his bath.
By not bowing to tyrants only when he feels it socially unacceptable and demeaning to do so.
Having the engineers at GM create and install a much needed quick release fastener on his codpiece.
Having Obamacare retroactively make that all men created equal claim a matter of fact, and his ego of prowess Constitutionally upheld.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
He will know refer to himself as “Obama 2.0”
…More beer summits, even if nobody else is around.
…By spending more time in the Oval Office. -He’s installing a putting green.
Practicing his penmanship by writing out his kill list in cursive.
Having Hillary teach him how to throw like a man.
Hon mention to Drudge:
OBAMA TO DRONE LESS
By showing up at his Friday press conference wearing a cast on his arm and bandages on his head and a doctors diagnosis of amnesia in his hand.
Well, his continuing education is a good start, and just this week he has advanced to See Spot Run which will mean that pretty soon he can read all those memos that arrive every day.
By admitting to himself that at this point in time still snuggling with Hugo Chavez does matter and is even creeping Chris Matthews out. Sean Penn, Danny Glover and Oliver Stone will appreciate the elbow room in the coffin greatly.
Endeavoring to lick only flavored windows…
– MD
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Get those unreleased transcripts up to a “Gentleman’s C”.
……….he no longer starts every sentence with the word I. Now he can go a whole two sentences before the focus is back to him.
Signed-up for an online course titled, “Foreign Policy for Dummies” but had to drop it when his computer got hacked by the Chinese.
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Hooked on Phonics!
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Promised to learn more about this “governing” thingy so he could take control back from all these out of control crazy lower level employees.
Doubled-down and vowed to relearn all the Austrian he had forgotten.
To improve his appearance, he had his ears stapled back. But his staff is annoyed now because he keeps asking, “Huh?”
#73 walrus, Obama is so smart he has to regularly study Hooked on Ebonics to be understood by his voters.
.. or ‘Hooked on Phony-ics.’
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
By waiting until the caddy turns his head before improving his lie
… Vowing to lift himself up by his own jackbootstraps.
… Joining the Burkha the Month Club.
… Following the Jane Fonda Dorkout.
… Becoming the spokesman for the United Nero College Fund.
… Logging onto IMAO and ranting against Libertarians.
@43: Every day, in every way, he’s getting bitter and bitterer.
By having his cronies dig up dirt on that Hitler guy, no way Obama can be WORSE that him.
Handing out translations in all known languages of his tramp stamp quotation.
Changing the name of his books to Gideon’s Bible in case some people don’t see the resemblance.
He is applying for college as soon as his term is over, but is having trouble deciding between Colorado and Washington state.
Actually, backchannel gossip has him, in the fall of 2016, accepting an adjunct faculty position at DeVry University as well as being their varsity mens’ basketball coach.
by learning to talk like George “Dubya” Bush
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Has declared the White House a “Stupidity Free Zone.”
Finally understands that two wrongs don’t make a right but is still experimenting with other multiples.
he has decided to study religion under jeremiah wright.
he has decided to study meteorology under bill ayers.
he has started studying constitutional law under ward churchill.
he is taking economics classes from kim jong un.
he enrolled as a professor of community organization at morehouse college.
he appointed himself the assistant to the assistant to the chief of staff…just to make sure.
he appointed himself supreme commander of the galactic space federation.
he issued an executive order declaring himself awesome.
he bought himself a mug that says “world’s best dictator”. spencer’s has everything…
he pardoned himself for…whatever comes up.
He’s eating lite: greyhounds and whippets only, no more basset hounds . . . too fatty.
… By trying to figure out what could possibly link the last 57 attacks on the U.S., once you exclude Islamism.
… By embarking on an inner journey of discoverup.
“In an affidavit, FBI agent Reginald B. Reyes claimed there’s evidence the Fox News correspondent broke the law, at the very least, either as an aider, abettor and/or co-conspirator.”
… By vowing to be early to bed, and early to Reyes.
… By adopting the philosophy, “I’m OK; You’re OK City.”
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
By finally undertaking the inner struggle by a believer to fulfill his religious duties. You know, Jihad.
…will perform the Triple Lindy.
…will instead of supporting the War on Terror… will advocate the War on Error… plenty of room for improvement there.
he’s learning american
… By vowing to walk a mile in another man’s Bruno Magli shoes.
… By overcoming all those obstacles put in his way by Affirmative Action and the media!
@96 I heard OJ isn’t using his at the moment.
Heh!
Joe Biden said Obama’s learning to speak without a teleprompter. How else is Obama attempting to improve himself?
Learning to speak English instead of Arabic without the teleprompter.
Learning the number of states in the United States
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