Democrats have decided on a timetable to pull out of Iraq. How did they decide on it? Through the intense strategic analysis they’re known for. First they used a Risk game board with Startego playing pieces to map out the battlefield and run through scenarios. Next, they looked up Iraq on Wikipedia. Then they did cocaine that was cut with detergent. After that, they went to the circus. When they were scared by clowns, they went to a gay bar downtown to settle their nerves. Later, they threw darts at a calendar to pick the dates for withdrawal. When no one could hit the calendar, they just used their pets’ birthdays.
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It’s a dynamic plan. We could lose the war by the end of the year, but, if things go well, the plan says we instead lose in the fall of next year. Regardless, the plan says definitively that the war will be lost. It also states that they despise the troops and everything they fight for and that their going to go to Walter Reed and break all the plumbing with a hammer to show their contempt for all things military. It also includes a non-binding resolution to laugh at the fate of the Iraqis after America retreats. Thus, it’s a well thought-out plan that covers all the bases.
President Bush has vowed to veto the plan and then let his dog Barney pee on it. If he were truly a leader, though, he would publicly whiz on the bill himself instead of delegating the task.
The Marines in Iraq are happy, but that’s because they’re confused about the scope of the plan and think it’s about the Democrats leaving Iraq. They’ve always been scared there are Democrats amongst them and will be glad to have a firm date when they know they’ll be gone. Poor Marines. But, don’t worry, newly trained Lieutenant Joe foo’ the Marine will soon be there to lead you to victory! He’s my brother and he’s at least a third as smart as me (which is really really smart). Also, he makes nachos with three kinds of cheese.
So why do Democrats want to lose so badly? Because they remember their greatest accomplishment: Losing the Vietnam War. Now they hope they can lose wars with much less casualties. One day, they hope they can urge pull out and simply the threat of American troops being hurt.
“They’re shooting back! We have to pull out troops now!”
When that happens, we will no longer ever get involved in any wars and we’ll have like peace or something. Terrorists or other mean people may still attack, but this will be the future so we’ll just shoot them with our time ray and let Jesus deal with them.
Once again, this is all outlined in the Democrats’ plan.
I cannot even articulate a response to the Democrats so called “plan” without resorting to words that would make a sailor blush.
Man, we need the mysterious Rumsfeld strangler now more than ever.
You are not only correct, but the second stage is create such fear of guns that they can have them made illegal, along with knives, stones, sand and bad words.
//If he were truly a leader, though, he would publicly whiz on the bill himself instead of delegating the task.//
Tell him to make sure to use it to wipe his bum first too.
firking demoncraps, one of the things I’ll be really pissed about when the islamofacists invade is being too busy killing the enemy to say “we TOLD you so, you firking asshats!”
Demon-crats the party of Defeat, Discouragement, Debauchery, Deserters, and Dolts
Or
When it absolutely has to be treason by (fill in the Blanks). The Democratic party sedition since 1792.
Or
When you care enough to do your very worst.
Or
Prayer, it’s only legal if it’s not Christian.
Or
Please, tread on me, my children, my children’s children- and while you at it kill us (the infidel) as well.
Or
Working hard to make everyone as miserable as Jimma Carter.
Your theory gives the Dems far too much credit for being able to think or plan. The simplest explanation is that the plan came from their masters in Al-Qaeda in America.
The ‘L’ is missing from her forehead.
If only the Dems would use analysis like Frank J. said. That would be better than what they do currently.
I want some three-cheese nachos.
This picture of Nancy was taken right after she asked Chris Dodd for a sandwich.
Hilarious! The caption under Pelosers face is the best part.
And, uh, when can Joe foo’ travel down to my part of the state and make me some three cheese nachos?
The ‘L’ is missing from her forehead.
Posted by: spacemonkey on March 9, 2007 10:56 AM
no it think it’s the “666” she’s missing.
The Democrats are right – we should pull our troops out of Iran – and put them in Darfur to stop the genocidal killing there, like Bill Clinton did in Rwanda. Those are the only situations where American force should be used.
“….we should pull our troops out of Iran – and put them in Darfur to stop the genocidal killing there, like Bill Clinton did in Rwanda….”
Is that with or without popcorn?