During New York’s Wednesday rush hour, a steam pipe exploded, killing one person and injuring 44.
Incidents such as this make it obvious that the only sensible course of action is to withdraw from America’s insane War on Steam.
President Bush’s Hitler-like scheme of rounding up steam and putting it in concentration camps – or “pipes”, as he euphemistically calls them – is a dismal failure. It does nothing but anger the steam and cause it to lash out uncontrollably, as it did in New York, spewing a “dirty bomb” of carcinogenic asbestos into the air. We don’t have to ask “why does steam hate us?”. The answer is obvious – because America is a brutal, oppressive country with no rights, whose only goal is to prevent steam from living free.
The Bush Steam Doctrine of “contain, concentrate, condense” is absurd and unnecessary. When left unmolested, steam lives up to its name as “the vapor of peace”, seeking only to be left alone to expand or contract inversely proportional to its pressure in accordance with the sacred texts of the Prophet Boyle.
It’s only Bush’s fascist policy of trying to maintain complete control over steam’s movement that has brought this current horror upon us. To be truthful, we deserve it. Who are we to judge the rightness of wrongness of our moist and gaseous fellow-travelers on Spaceship Earth? Should we consider ourselves “superior” to warm, dissipated moisture?
Hardly.
The time has come to admit our failures, both military and moral, and stop treating innocent steam with an automatic assumption of guilt. We must release the steam from the “pipes” we’ve confined it to and let it roam freely.
The only sensible course of action is to bring our plumbers home, and end our government’s policy of cruelty. It’s time to withdraw from the War on Steam.
America must stop trying to be the world’s teakettle.
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Boiling Mad: Stihad in America” and “Hot & Wet: A Pictoral History of Steamy Love Scenes”.
Why do you assume steam is hot? Do NOT profile steam, or I’ll nail your ass with a civil liberties lawsuit!
Harvey, you’ve obviously fallen for Bush’s propaganda. THERE IS NO STEAM IN NEW YORK! Bush was just looking for a lame excuse to send his evil plumbers into New York to finish the job his father started.
steam: cleaning the laundry and carpets regular Americans won’t clean.
We must withdraw our plumbers to Okinawa! That way our plumbers will be out of harm’s way and we can still respond to steam uprisings within the union-specified 4-6 weeks (with triple overtime, since taxpayers will be footing the bill).
No Blood For Boil!
After a couple hundred years of forced oppression and service to the evil industrialist who can blame steam from rising up?
Let’s not forget that it was not so long ago that steam had a vibrant culture that contributed greatly to America’s well-being. Steam powered our boats and machines and locomotives. And it can again, as long as we quit making these technological “advances” that make it so difficult for steam to get ahead nowadays.
If that’s supposed to be a characture of Harvey then I hope that a)that’s a flannel shirt and b)he has a manly unkept beard and not one of those whiney well groomed frenchy beards. Fred Thompson would never approve of a silky shirted french looking kind of supporter.
I agree… We must free ourselves from our firmuscentric thinking and embrace our aqueous and gaseous brethren.
Excelsior!
At least bringing our plumbers home may help reduce the ‘occupying presence’ of unsightly plumber’s crack.
He is also the author of such books as “Boiling Mad: Stihad in America” and “Hot & Wet: A Pictoral History of Steamy Love Scenes”.
I thought you wrote a book on the History of the Burrito, or was that Franks work.
Also, there’s no denying the fact that since man started confining steam in pipes, there has been a steady increase in steam.
Free Steam Now!!
Steam invented the whistle!
How you can write about this problem and not mention Bush’s condensation camps I can’t understand.
Harvey’s beard is perfectly cared for.
It is amazing, actually.
Harv – good post. Funny stuff.
Frank, you really need to add a comment rating system. I really wanted to give +1 for “No Blood for Boil”.
if i say i support the movement, is it wrong to still steam the vegetables? i don’t want to be a hypocrite, but i’m kinda confused. i thought i liked steam?
if i say i support the movement, is it wrong to still steam the vegetables? i don’t want to be a hypocrite, but i’m kinda confused. i thought i liked steam?
if i say i support the movement, is it wrong to still steam the vegetables? i don’t want to be a hypocrite, but i’m kinda confused. i thought i liked steam?