Ted Kennedy’s writing his autobiography, and he’s getting more than $8 million for it.
Wonder what the title will be?
I speculate thusly:
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- The Brother That Wasn’t Worth the Cost of a Bullet
- Water World
- No, I’m a Drunk (Alcoholics Go To Meetings)
- Taxing & Spending for Dummies
- It Couldn’t Be Camelot Without a Lady in the Lake
- Brother Can You Spare a Liver?
- If Oil Were Gin, I’d Attack Iraq
- Dude, Where’s My Pants?
- A Bridge Too Far
- King Leer
- Something Wicked This Way Comes
- The World According to Grope
Any other ideas?
***Seriously, his dog’s name is Splash.
Gin Blossoms for Algernon
To Kill a Scotch ‘n’ Soda (I’m grasping here…this is hard…that’s what she said)
Undead Kennedys
All the Senator’s Ghost Writers
I don’t what it will be called, but it had better be in the fiction section.
Okay, maybe I do know what it will be called.
Diary of a mad commie.
I’d add to this, but after “It Wouldn’t Be Camelot Without the Lady in the Lake” ?? I would be wasting my time. You are made of awesome.
I am not as think as you drunk I am.
Making my voice heard…My choice is Dewar’s
How to get back into Harvard after cheating on Spanish exams.
About water levels, tides, and currents of Chappaquididck.
Farting and feeling a lump in my back pocket….
The story of my life in Democratic party politics.
Fear And Loathing On The Road To Chappaquiddick.
Super Size Me
I Offered My Nephew A Ride Into The Water, But He Insisted On Flying
Prince of Tides
Swimming with the Enemy
Chivas Me Timbers!
So That’s How the Sopranos Do It!
The Sum of All Beers
or
There’s Something about Mary Jo
10 Things to do in Denver When You’re Loaded
Zen and the Art of Wet Bar Maintenance
Harry Potter and the Blackout from Hell
Dry Martinis for the Soul
It Couldn’t Be Camelot Without a Lady in the Lake
What could we possibly do to top that one?
Amphibious Vehicles: Maritime Fun!
By the way, the picture wins at life!c
“The Senator Who Swam with Grace from the Bay”
“Scotch, Nephews, and Two Smoking Coeds”
“Orca”
“Skis, Planes, and Automobiles”
subtitle: The Kennedy family curse of conveyance.
I agree that none of us could top the Camelot one.
But that won’t keep me from trying… later, though. I’m supposed to be schooling now.
Lecher in the Rye
Boo-Yah!
Lecher in the Rye
Now that’s funny.
OK, I have some sub-par ones:
* Hairy Plotter and the Deathly Shallows
* On the Road… Sorta
* No Blood in My Alcohol System
* Pick Me a Kopechne
* Waterboarding for Dummies
* Forget About Lee Harvey Oswald; Where’s Me Harvey Wallbanger?
The title may not have been chosen, but National Lampoon supplied the cover design more than thirty years ago:
http://www.answers.com/topic/teddyvwad-jpg
And it’s “foreword”, not “forward”.
No Shame: Why Fat, Drunk and Stupid IS a way to go Through Life
“Teddy doesn’t do Dallas”
“Son of an Irish Mobster”
“Sometimes you have to drive against the tide. Or sail; I forget which.”
“There was once a Ted from Nantucket, who chased every skirt so he could F………”
I agree, the Camelot one is pretty good.
Wipeout!
The Jackass in Winter
The Bottle is a Harsh Mistress
The Communist’s Manifesto
Get Lumpy
Drunkenstein
A Bridge Too Far
Prince of Tides
Besotted, Bewitched and Bewildered
Pickled – My Life as a Kennedy
Ask not what your country can do for you – demand it
A man, a plan, a canal… ooops
The Anti-Ted: Nugent’s evil half
Camelot for Beginners: That isn’t Excalibur in his pants
{hic} Have you seen my keys??? {hic}
Bourbon 365 Ways
Wine, Women and Song
My life as a Senator
Even Barney Gumble Thinks I’m A Lush – With a forward by Norm from “Cheers”
Aquaman Saved Only Me Because He’s Gay
The Rime of the Olds Mariner
What’s Wrong With a Drink Before 9 AM?
There’s No Problem a Gin and Tonic Can’t Cure
You Don’t Understand…I Have To Be Drunk To Be A Democrat
Drunken Democrats and the Moonbats Who Love Them
One more time with feeling:
The Naked and the Dead
Gone With the Windmills
When Bad Things Happen To Good Passengers
The Unbearable Leftness of Being a Kennedy
Welfare to Alms
Let’s see, how about:
McFREDO
51 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER
DUNK DRIVING
I AM FIBBIOUS: CONFESSIONS OF A LIBERAL LYIN’
“Chapter 3: Wherein Splash is revealed to be a Repeating Diver”
“I Ain’t Drunk, I’m Just Drinking…”
“The Dikes of Chappaquiddick Island”
“Two Wrong Turns Make It Right”
“Politics ends at the river’s edge.”
Stolen from P.J. O’Roarke: “How to drive fast on drugs while getting your wing-wang squeezed and not spill your drink.”
“Hbbbb nbbb ga blshhhhhh: the wit and wisdom of Edward Kennedy.”
The Backstroke, Bourbon, and Babes – My Life as a Leech
“Sorry About the Bitch In The Back Seat…But I’m Ok and I’m a Kennedy!”
Is that a bottle of Scotch in my pants or am I just happy to see you?
When it comes to the babes, Jack was a homo compared to me!
I got your Barney Frank right here!
Learn to swim while drunk, it just may save “your” life.
How I got back into Harvard after being expelled.
I Just Do What the Voices Tell Me
You’re Just Jealous Because the Voices Like Me Better Than You
Fat/Drunk/Stupid. Legislating the Animal House Way.
A Life at the Teat.
The bottles, women and government jobs of Ted Kennedy.
Not Worth Shooting
Driving Miss Kopechne
Wet Dreams
2 hits and a miss
SVJ – DOH!
…
Fixed.
Big Mouth, Fat Ass, Killer
Life is a Threesome: Nancy, Harry and Me
How I Got Away with Murder
Philanderer, Boozer and Killer
“If I Drove a Volkswagen, I’d be President Today”
(ummmm, they float.)
I’m ashamed. I’ll go a punch a Hippy in repentance
Wollf
“If I Drove a Volkswagen, I’d be President Today”
(ummmm, they float.)
I’m ashamed. I’ll go a punch a Hippy in repentance
Wollf
The Goodbye Girl
Jurrasic Pork (with him in Barney costume saying “They don’t call me Tyranasaurus Sex for nothing” to a on 10 year old girl on cover – happened around 1993 I think)
Hope Floats … Mary Jo Doesn’t
Sleeping with the Enemy… and Anyone Else
The Big Dig – And Other Ways to Save Bostonian Women from Drowning with Irish Boyfriends for Only $100 Billion.
Ted Kennedy: God’s gift to the elderly…
Old Crow. Old Taylor. Anchient Age.
$8 mil for Teddy the “author”? That oughta just about cover his bar tab.
My candidate will be the one who can divert that $8 mil to the US military and the GWOT (and my bank acct).
Skip “water boarding” that guy when the book comes out. Try “2 x 4 boarding” instead.
Aqua-holic
The Man with the Silver Flask
Follymanna
The (real) Idiot
The Fatman of the Opera (excerpts from my more brilliant arias on the senate floor)
Poucha…
“I went into the pond because I wished to live inebriatedly…”
While we admire you trying to get us started, should have saved the “Lady in the Lake” reference until later, we just can’t top it.
A Blond in Every Pond
Sheets to the Wind: My Senate Life with Robert Byrd
Little Pink Elephants for You and Me, with foreward by John Mellancamp
Mike McGwire, Sammy Sooser, and Other Baseball Legends
Tilting at Windmills: A View from Cape Cod
I’ll Drive Off That Bridge When I Come To It
(from a joke I heard 20 years ago)
“One if by land, two if by sea.”
“If I Drove A Volkswagen, She Would Still Be Alive!”
“Flasks Of Our Fathers”
The Cremation of Ted K’nedee (or, Great Natural Disasters of the Yukon Territory).
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Bars.
Uncle Ted’s Guide to Underwater Automotive Repair.
In Golden Pond.
Uncle Ted’s Compound.
“Born Falling Down (drunk): A Democrat’s Life”
(sorry, Steve Martin)