Obama’s health care plan neglects to cover Phil Pinsky because he’s creepy.

While there have been many arguments between Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama in their campaigns for the presidency, there has been little difference in their policy proposals. One place they do differ is in their plans for universal health care. While Clinton’s plan is truly universal health care and will make sure every single America is insured, Obama’s plan will neglect to insure Phil Pinsky of Bagley, Minnesota.
“It is important that every American has access to health care,” Obama told a swooning crowd in Ohio, “except for Phil Pinsky. That guy is creepy. I refuse to be a part of keeping him healthy.”
Clinton was quick to seize on this difference between their stances. “While I would not envy the doctors that would have to go near him, Phil Pinsky should still get health care. Just because the guy is seriously weird does not mean he should die. If I believed that everyone I don’t like should die, then most people would be dead.”
Obama later responded saying, “Once again, Senator Clinton has twisted my words. I did not say Phil Pinsky should die. He can get his own health care. I just won’t be a part of it because that guy is creepy. Just look at him; he’s probably a pedophile.”
The Republicans have so far not entered this debate. A GOP spokesman told us, “This argument is pointless. For the cost of keeping one American healthy, we can kill a thousand foreigners. I think most people would agree that’s a great trade-off… especially when the American in question is someone as creepy as Phil Pinsky.

NEW ORLEANS (AP) – After failing to attend the 2008 State of the Black Union event last Saturday in New Orleans, officials at the forum voted overwhelmingly to strip Presidential candidate Barack Obama of his blackness, forcing the unprecedentedly historic Democratic primary race to become a much less historic contest between a young white man and an old white woman.

Barack Obama with blackness (left) and without (right).

The forum’s founder, Tavis Smiley, explained why Obama’s blackness was forcibly removed. “Some people think that ‘black’ is just a skin color. While true when it comes to filling quotas, the fact is that Obama just isn’t black enough where it counts. He doesn’t rap, can’t shoot hoops, and he’s been known to break bread with whitey without saying a Grace that invokes white guilt over slavery. Besides, he didn’t show up at our forum, like a REAL black man would. Therefore we have voted to strip Obama of his blackness, victimhood, rhythm, mojo, and pimp cane.”
Former presidential candidate Joe Biden said that this would cause a major shift in his endorsement strategy. “With his blackness gone, Obama just doesn’t seem as clean, bright, and articulate as he used to. I may have to throw in with the bitter, stupid, weepy white woman now.”
For his part, Obama dismissed the significance of having his blackness removed. “I’m every bit as much an African-American as I always was. Sure, I’m only the half-black son of an East-African immigrant instead of the 100% black descendant of West-African slaves, but that’s completely irrelevant. I’ve still got a nappy head, fat nose and puffy lips! And I’m down with the street! ‘Yo, yo, my house boys, I am chilling!’ See?”
Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton, who DID show up for the SotBU event, was honorarily awarded Obama’s blackness, but quickly had it taken back from her after she failed to successfully perform that finger-waggle-neck-wobble thing while saying “oh no you di-int!”.